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Came so close just now

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Jehu2077, Feb 20, 2016.

  1. Jehu2077

    Jehu2077 Fapstronaut

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    I don't know what triggered me this time. Today was a good day, I prayed and read my bible, felt great. Had some family drama go down, but I navigated that like a disciple would. Then out of no where, I was on youtube, and I was peeking like crazy. I started edging, I watched youtube videos for around an hour and a half and edged for a good part of that. I had given up, I had my shirt off and was about to just give in, resigned to binge the night away, then something screamed in my head to hit the panic button. I did, over and over and every message hit harder and harder. Now I'm here. I feel like I wasted so much of my evening, time I could have spent exercising or practicing guitar, heck I could have played madden that entire time. Instead I peeked and almost PMO'd. Damn this thing, this monkey on my back, this robber of my time.
    I feel like I failed even though I didn't go all the way and I'm afraid of having more time to myself. I haven't even had dinner, not hungry, just hiding.
    If I tell myself I'm out of the woods then I make it so.
    Thank God for this place. In the past, this would have been yet another PMO, more remorse and no action towards quitting. So not a defeat I guess. A bloody battle with my lust in which the Lord pushed me to victory.
    There may be a day when we give up and fap, But today is not that day!
     
    Gladiatori and WarriorScarr like this.
  2. spartanian

    spartanian Fapstronaut

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    Good for you man you are strong, keep up and stay strong
     
  3. Fixed Eyes

    Fixed Eyes Fapstronaut

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    I have been here many times man, keep it up and always remember that there is always something better than PMO.
     
  4. Eagle15

    Eagle15 Fapstronaut

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    Amen Brother, I came so close today as well. St Michael prayer saved me."Saint Michael, the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen."
     
  5. WarriorScarr

    WarriorScarr Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad you made it through bro. Sometimes the urges hit you even on a very productive day. We have to continue to be on guard and ready for when they strike. Stay strong!
     
  6. Jehu2077

    Jehu2077 Fapstronaut

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    I wish I had looked in here again.
    I felt good for a while, things were going better, then I just couldn't keep it together. I failed. This is probably the worst I've felt after a reset/relapse. After such a fight, to crumble and give in. I feel physically ill. I have to be up at a decent time tomorrow and my rationale was I wouldn't be able to sleep without release (happened before) but now I won't be able to sleep because I gave in (also happened before). I need to read back through my journal from when I made it 70 days. What am I doing differently now? What kept me going then? So weird, I felt so strong today. I feel like I'm getting kicked in the gut every time I show some progress.
    Guys, if you pray then pray for me. I keep trying to go this alone and I always screw up.
     
    WarriorScarr likes this.
  7. WarriorScarr

    WarriorScarr Fapstronaut

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    I'll definitely say a prayer for you. Try not to beat yourself up too much bro. It isn't healthy and it's counterproductive. This is a real battle. It's going to be times when you will fall but it's all about getting back up and fighting again. A friend gave a suggestion to me recently on making a emergency checklist of things that I think will help me push through the urges. Cold shower, push-ups, turning my cellphone off for a while. Going for a walk. Stuff like that to take my mind off the urges. Maybe something like that can help you in your journey.
     
    Jehu2077 likes this.
  8. Jehu2077

    Jehu2077 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you Scarr215, I keep hearing about taking a walk. That sounds like a genius move, and it's something I can do anywhere, just about any time.
    That settles it. Next time, I'm gonna try this walking thing out.
     
    WarriorScarr likes this.
  9. WarriorScarr

    WarriorScarr Fapstronaut

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    It's simple but what I had to do recently is just do it when urges strike. I usually walk or run for a workout but it helps when I can't get my mind off wanting to PMO.

    I wish you all the best Jehu!
     

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