I failed, after 150 days I failed.

Your 150 days is more of a celebration, than a loss. 150 days, that's crazy. You must have experienced a lot of good stuff.
Now you know for sure, that you are capable. I would like to hear about the changes you felt and how you used them for your own benefits.

Anyway, congratulations!!!
And beware of the erratic chaser effect that will hunt you the next few days!

 

I'm more interested in hearing why you felt the need to return to the trough after 150 days!

OK, I know you've made progress, and it's all a process yadeeeyadeeya..

BUT, to play the devil's advocate, what if after all this time, this thing comes back with renewed vigour. Doesn't that thought terrify you?

 

Good luck with the reboot. But I would be cautious about thinking always along the lines of progress as far as failing and renewing your initial resolve goes. It may not necessarily go that way, the thought of which should horrify us. Consider the acute psychological observations of a great writer:

Yes, I preferred the elderly and discontented doctor, surrounded by friends and cherishing high hopes; and bade a resolute farewell to liberty, the comparative youth, the light step, leaping impulses and secret pleasures, that I had enjoyed in the disguise of Hyde. I made this choice perhaps with some unconscious reservation, for I neither gave up the house in Soho, nor destroyed the clothes of Edward Hyde, which still lay ready in my cabinet. For two months, however, I was true to my determination; for two months I led a life of such severity as I had never before attained to, and enjoyed the compensations of an improving conscience. But time at last began to obliterate the freshness of my alarm; the praise of conscience began to grow into a thing of course; I began to be tortured with throes and longings, as of Hyde struggling after freedom; and at last, in an hour of moral weakness, I once again compounded and swallowed the transforming draught. I do not suppose that, when a drunkard reasons with himself upon his vice, he is at once out of five hundred times affected by the dangers that he runs through his brutish, physical insensibility; neither had I, long as I had considered my position, made enough allowance for the complete moral insensibility and insensate readiness to evil, which were the leading characteristics of Edward Hyde. Yet it was by these that I was punished. My devil had long been caged, he came out roaring. I was conscious, even when I took the draught, of a more unbridled, a more furious propensity to ill.

Is this pessimistic? No, not at all. It should help with the determination to remain true to your initial resolve.

 

You miss the point if you are waiting on a "better me." Your "best me" is right now. Try learning to live in the present. I've been through so many tests in the past few months. Understanding consciousness has been my only option, lately. Pain has been my catylist.

 

My suggestion -

Your mindset on this is very unhealthy Ray. You are seeing it as a failure because you've fapped for the first time in 150 days?

Since august 2015, I've fapped 3 times. So in the time you've only fapped once, I've fapped 3 times. I do not see this as a failure, because the time I've spent away from fapping, I have become more motivated, stronger and my life has drastically improved!

Are you saying that despite all this, I have failed simply because I've not been 100% clean?

You need to look at what NoFap helps you do with your life, not just see yourself as a failure simply because you might relapse every now and then. If you relapse and have the strength to pick yourself back up and get on with your life, then you have succeeded, because that's exactly the sort of strength you never had before.

 

Sobering stuff. And a good warning to others to never dally with P again. Thanks for posting, and good luck.

Keep in mind 'the horror, the horror!', and you'll lose your taste for it.

 

150 days, well done. I'm sure you learned so much in that time. I found it interesting that you started to "calm down" during the 4th month, I've never made it past 34 days. It would be interesting to feel the physiological changes where a chemical change in the brain takes place and the reboot really begins to occur. My feeling is a relapse doesn't set a person's brain back to day 1 if they were able to achieve a reboot.
Thanks for sharing. Write about your success in 5-months, you can do this.

 

Hmmnn. I also
relapsed after 296
days. Keep going on.

 

Bro, tell us the story why you fail it will be good for us and for your self , be strong bro , dont use internet when you dont have work ✌️✌

 

This does not quite seem to sit right. I think something has got lost in the analogy that compares us to re-booting computers.

Can you see the problem; the mind perceives itself as 're-booted', and then may be susceptible to perhaps allowing just the occasional use of P as that will not undo all the technical work that's been achieved. It might not, but then it might... There is nowhere in the narrative that it is morally wrong.

This mind-set is vulnerable to a certain justification to use. The re-booted computer analogy is fine... as an analogy. But like all analogies, it is limited. Anyway, isn't it a contradiction that someone who had 'rebooted' would re-use. The fact that they would use shows they haven't 're-booted'.