Are you suffering from HOCD - Share with us your story

Thanks dude! I ws forgetting this! Hope this helps!

 

Absolutely no man! Lol

HOCD most of the time os not P related, I am the case and I had it because of my Pied. But ince you are in it doesn't matter if you started because of porn or shit, it simply feeds itself and becomes self sufficent and in order to get rid of it you have to work on yourself and you mind. Trust me in this!

 

Man you are so right about the energy thing!

Right now I feel depressed and shit because of the flatline too, there are the exams and so on, so my mind is not able to do some builduo work against ossessions. I feel it, I feel that I keep falling back. If I looked at zenon's profile picture or at gaston's picture that is a fucking draw, I could start believing I like them, sometimes it seems I like fictional character too for fuck sake!
You know this is on a whole other level and if you are not deep into it, and I hope you will never be, you can't totally understand it. It's not your fault gaston obviously! It's because it's an extreme complex thing.

If I were on holodays in some caraibbian beach I would probably get rid of it in half time. But right now reboot comes first.

 

Subscrive everything you said man!

I also had strange shit going on: for example I am so self centered in a sense that I am proud when people are staring at me with that 'you are good' look.
When walking down the street a group of girls do that I feel proud as fuck.
Well you know what, if someone I believe is gay looks at me in this way, I think 'oh man I am so good that even gay people thinks I am awsome', but then that feeling of 'wait, now keep your distance' came in.
And this happened before HoCD, now imagine this kind of shit under HOCD light! Do you guess it? Fucking nightmare like 'you are so gay that you would like to have sex with all the dudes that look at you' LOL! To the point I would easily prefer thinking about giving a blowjob to my cat man (just joking xD)!

So yeah, thoughts are thoughts and the virtual world that HOCD builds up can be destroyed only through the 'IDGAF' mantra! The only thing is that is hard to keep repeating that mantra when gay shit pops up everywhere! Bit we need to do this no matter what!

 

At least we bring some happiness and ridicoulness into this section lol

 

Hey guys!

Yesterday evening and night I think I have reached the bottom!

I qas havig a di ner and hanging out with my old classmates and I felt like shit.
HOCD has fucked up me badly in this last days. If I look back to two weeks ago I was going strong in handling this beast (even had straight attractions back) but unfortunately some days ago it took me again, to use a nofap term I relapsed!
Because this actually what HOCD os about: using our will strength to avoid relapsing into gay thoughts and shit. I perfectly know what must be done, but everybody here knows how hard is to keep this motivation in the days to come.

When you have HOCD you have to:

- embrace gay thoughts, let them flow and ignore them as a consequence; this is the hardest part because it will make you think you are gay, well dudes, you have to not give a shit about it. You will have you most strange fantasies transformed into an obvious proof of you homosexuality. Dudes, EVERYONE has gay thoughts, they simply don't weight too much on it.

- STOP CHECKING, cause when tou are under HOCD and anxiety spikes, you will have: gay thoughts storming your brain, fals arousal, false attesctions (sincere ammiration for a dude can be misread as love or shit), groinal responses (this is the most scary thing, but it is actually normal), and worst thing of all, your libido and attraction towards women will banned into the deep hell.
If this happens you don't have to force attractions towards girl, simply accept that in this moment HOCD is fucking up your emotions. If hou force an attraction you will have the opposite effect.

- hang out mates! Do activities and stuff, you have to expose yourself to the risk of interacting with other people! In order to shift your thoughts from gay shit.

What HOCD wants, is to feed itself and it's going to do everything it can to achieve it, which means creating a pseudo reality where it can manipulate you as it wants. You have to ignore it to take away its weapons.


Coming back to my hang out. As I said yesterday I felt like shit, I was with male and female classmates obviously and everything crushed down. In the last days I felt like HOCD was manipulating me from the dark, like I didn't feel anything particoular but simply kinda blocked, something like 'I know what I want but I know I can't get it' or things like that. When I saw my mates I started asking myself 'did I like them?' And started worh false attraction. When I looked at my female mates I was like 'damn they are all engaged, wtf?? They have a normal straight relationship! Do I envy their boyfriends or do I envy them for having a boyfriend?' Or shit like that, and I was going like 'fuck me, I will never be able to be happy in this way'. It was like I actually felt myself as gay, but at the same time something didn't feel right.

And then I understood.
Dudes I think I am one of the worst case of HOCD, if this is HOCD even. I have always been a bit homophobic and so on but now I am kinda much more open minded. You know what? At the beginning gay thoughts and compulsions made me sick, full anxiety and mad. After two months I could even imagine myself doing gay things, life etc. Even being (pseudo) aroused by this shit and I became depressed as fuck. I had no more strenght to bounce away this thoughts and feelings, like my old self was being repressed each day always more and being pushed down deep in my mind. I came to a point that Girls mad me anxious.

But what happened yesterday evening has been able to let me go back on the right track. As I said I felt gay, like girls were a world I couldn't achieve anymore, and I felt uncomfortable, tou know what? I was actually SAD. You was fucking sad, I could have gay thougths, gay fantasies, I could even sucking a dick and shit but man, this will NOT change who you are, and I was sad. Sad that I couldn't have all that straight things anymore (like someone imposed me to be gay).

Dude remember this! You can actually be the worst HOCD case in history, you could force yourself into a gay relationship because of frustration but if you feel sad watching straight couple have the normal life you always wanted than there is your answer. If ONCE in you 'gay' life you feel loke that, there is your fucking answer so hold your freaking shooot together and march over!
You actually believe that those gay couple are sad of being they way they are? Hell no! They are happy, love is happpiness men, there is no way love straight or gay, can male you sad, unless you are not forcing yourself to do something you are not born to do. That's the matter.
I recently read a topic of a guy who overcome HOCD, he gave a fantastic answer that will post here, read this:

I used to worry myself about my sexuality. I enjoyed gay porn but didn’t consider myself gay. I had extreme HOCD and used to obsess over my sexuality for years. How have I overcome that? Every time I was worrying over my sexuality I used to repeat this mantra ‘Your attraction towards men might be caused by porn or might be caused by my natural desires. It DOES NOT matter. As long as you don’t worry about this or fantasise over it nothing bad will happen.’ The reason I never let myself fantasise over men is because I didn’t want to ‘relapse’. Not because I was homophobic. If you ask what my sexuality is now, my answer is: I don’t know or care. I go with the flow. I don’t worry about whether or not I find women or men attractive. Gender is irrelevant. And yes, some people will say porn may have changed my sexuality. My ‘sexual tastes may have morphed’. But why does it even matter? As long as you do not watch porn it cannot harm you. All I know is I love women and that’s that. My attraction towards same sex doesn’t bother me. I might be bisexual it might be a porn fetish. I don’t care! Just don’t watch porn!

This is how it is! The answer is, are we gay, are we straight? Fuck this! We have to feel our emotions! Our real rmotions!
What HOCD tell us? Who actually GIVES A FREAKING SHITTY FUCK????? None! We know down deep who we are, but have it back we simply have to ignore it and follow the flow, and becoming better people!
Ignore everything! Last noght I went from being gay to straight a thousand times! Idgaf! I'm gonna bang a woman and love her when I will eventually ready and in the case this will happen with a man? So be it! Why does this even matter?


Hope this helps mates! Probably I forgot thousand things I wanted to say! i eventually add them up!

 

Idk wht "HOCD" is but i'll tell you people have always been sex obsessed. 12 year olds were fucking way back when too - it just wasn't talked about.

I think its wrong to confuse nostalgia to how things really were back then. People have always wanted to 'bang as many chicks' left and right, people have always been raping, people have always been pedophiles.
Truth is we have near instant communication so now its not a secret; rest assure things in the past were always much worse then they are today.

 

Right now I am going thorugh a straight phase, I guess after saying this I'm immedistly gonna fall into angay one LoL

 

Yeah you hit the point!

I can speak as someone who just hit day 43 and still has not be able to completly avoid triggers, fantasy and shit.
I DO NOT rule completly out that what is happening to us is our 'obsessive version' of brain healing. I mean: right now I can fell my mind is chaos, I fear that I will never be able to have normal relationship, normal sexual life like I have kinda foot fetish too and tgat I will never be able to get it up with anything else, and worrying worrying worrying shit....

It's true I developed HOCD before reboot bit I can in a sense confirm that during reboot things have been pretty unstable, unbalanced, like my brain is a chaotic storm of thoughts and fears right now, I don't know if this is the same for you.

But let's actually think about it. Me personally started PmOing in my teen so my mind has grown up with bad porn influence that in a sense created a particoular mindset during the years.
And when we were PMOing we never took the problem serioisly cause you know fuck that I am orgasming on an overloading amount of shit amd I am happy with that. But now?

Imagine our brain being like a child that uses parents' arms to lear walking. Cutting porn is like leaving parents' arms and our brain is actually shittong in his pants like 'what the fuck is happening? How can I walk alone now?'
And so it tries desperatly to be sustained by a chair, a table, a box and all the shit that it is finding in the room. Now imagine the chair, the box and table to be Idk for example, foot fetish, or ebony, or porn or whatever you used to jerk off. Our brain is actually scared and it is now resetting it self and using all the shit it can to make us understand it is uncomfortable.
Walking is actually our straight taste and the objects that the baby brain touches is simply casual shit passing aside. With or without parents' arms the baby has to walk.

So who knows we are obviously obsessive dudes, this is our nature but probably this mindstorm is a kinda of desore of our brain to relapse that is more complocated in our cases than for a simple porn addicted.

We opened the pandora chest and now shit is coming out, thinking about it, it's not that strange actually. We just need an umbrella.

Don't know what you think guys, right now I am experiencing something like 'what will arouse me now that I don't binge myself? Will be men, will be women, will be feet, will be boobs, butts, gay things and so on?'
I think this could be a flatline realted thing, like 'listen I have no libido, you don't even jerk off, you are actualy cutting my food, what the fuck am I supposed to do now?'

Just wondering guys!

 

It's not simply don't giving a shit. This is a good way to not let the gay thoughts create you a panic attack! Is actually being able to stop all this cravings and popping up of HOCD but also of porn related shit!

Clear all this up is the first step to write the correct formula on the new whit page! Right now our brain is messing things because he is blind and does not know how to behave, that is my assumotion, anyway you are right!