HOCD help

I don't know if this is the correct phrase, but it is what I would call your 'internal dialogue'. Have you researched HOCD, especially on http://www.yourbrainonporn.com - the website which gives scientific reasons for this phenomena? What you will find reassuring is that those with this condition are not gay. However, porn has caused these accusing issues to be raised, which is clearly distressing to you. You describe it as a battle and I am sure it must be.

Completing the NoFap challenge will remedy it. So, don't lose heart @Confusedman, you won't be a confused man forever.

 

Your very asking this question here is already a good step to make that go away as these kinds of conflicting voices tend to feed on shame and secrecy.
Understand that a large amount of interest in homosexuality is starting from heightened sexual needs. If your needs go down, this latent aspect of (y)ourselves tends to retreat and wither.
One tipp: don't fight it too hard as that may make it more tenacious. Better to distract yourself with wholesome activities and be like 'sorry, but I don't have time for you right now' or just roll your eyes or make fun of it.

 

It's not quite the same but I really liked this TED talk about a woman dealing with the voices in her head.
I'd recommend being a little playful with those thoughts, trying one approach one time and something different a little after. Her strategy of befriending and listening to them, perhaps a little bit like to a whining child, takes a lot of their rebellious power out of them.
A friend was quite successful with asking them the question: 'But you know that you're going to die, right?' That really shut them up... For a while, though, of course. They'll be a little bit around until you have really matured into something quite different. Then, they are just a funny story to tell your grandchildren...

 

Yes, great. The main principle is that this thing is not you and it doesn't have any real power over you...
What are monsters actually doing in the day time? They're probably sleeping because they are tired...

 

I suggest to search the web for "ERP treatment for hocd" if you don't like to go see a therapist, but finding a good therapist would be great...
For me, I haven't seen a therapist because I didn't like the idea, I semi controlled HOCD demons, it was hell at first, but I did it anyway, so don't lose yourself to your ideas and HOCD lies, HOCD is trying to force you to fall in its lies, so don't lose hope

 

Man I went through the what you wrote here and I can tell you that you are GOING TO overcome it, just be strong. I have made it, but unfortunately in my case I've got TGOCD instead of that, maybe it's because around a year ago I hooked up to transwoman porn...and I can tell you that it is more "freakening" than HOCD because it messes with your whole identity, not just your orientation...:/ But I won't give up, I'm doing hard mode for 4 days now and I KNOW it will disappear...

 

I think you have done the same test what I have done too... (www.ocdla.com) I have similar results like yours. So I KNOW that you are going to overcome on it just STAY AWAY FROM PORN FULLY.

In my case I hooked up sissy/tg porn and I "feel like a woman" and have "female thoughts" and I'm worrying if I'm a transgender but I had cut off porn 4 days now and hope it will disappears.... it's far worse than hocd, believe me, I know both of them. Let God be with us!

 

Your're right but I'd rather be gay as a real man instead of being a woman....it's freakin' me out... I've lost all my attractions towards women, when I'm around women I feel like "I'm one of them" and female thoughts bombed my head....I don't want to be a woman, I want to be a real man again...