How to Win Friends and Influence People

Mr. Sir · Mar 4, 2016

There is an old book from the early 1900's that has become a cornerstone in the development of my social skills. I think that a major reason many of you are so lonely is because you're annoying, self centered, and simply speaking - not interesting. The application of the principles of this book provide a structured path to lead you out of your social ineptitude.

I highly suggest purchasing the book because the principles are better understood within the context of the literature.

I will highlight in blue the most important principles to me (as some are redundant).

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the person an eager want.

Six ways to make people like you
4. Become genuinely interested in other people.
5. Smile.
6. Remember a person's name; to them it is the sweetest and most important sound in language.
7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
8. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
9. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

How to win people to your way of thinking
10. The only way to get the best out of an argument is to avoid it.
11. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong".
12. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and with empathy.
13. Begin in a friendly way.
14. Get the other person saying, "yes, yes" immediately.
15. Let the other person do a great deal of talking.
16. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
17. Try, honestly, to see things from the other person's point of view.
18. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
19. Appeal to the nobler motives.
20. Dramatize your ideas.
21. Throw down a challenge.

How to be a leader
22. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
23. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
24. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
25. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
26. Let the other person save face.
27. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
28. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
29. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
30. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

How to apply these principles
In the book it is recommended that you keep a journal. Set aside a page for each day. At the end of the day, answer these three daily questions:
1. What mistakes did I make this time?
2. What did I do right?
3. In what ways can I improve my performance.

Commit to this for 30 days and you will see massive improvements in your attitude and outlook - as well as your social life.

melancholy king · Mar 4, 2016

I have read that book multiple times, its considered a classic, and for good reason. It was made by Dale Carnegie, the version I read was 1960's (although it might have been originally created earlier) in case anyone wants to read it.

Reading it and applying it are two completely different things, I still don't apply all the things in the book, mainly because its difficult to do. Also, don't expect to get girls or be given cars simply by following the lessons learned in the book, real life doesn't work that way 99% of the time.

Temujin · Mar 6, 2016

It's a lot of stuff to remember and apply. Guess a good idea is to pick one principle and give it a month to try and learn. Then picking another for the next month. Piece by piece!

SomeGuyUK · Mar 26, 2016

I can't emphasise the value of this book enough if you have any kind of social troubles at all.

David95 · Apr 3, 2016

Yes! Everybody here needs to read this book! I'm not even half way through and my world is changing all the time!

fapshooter · Apr 4, 2016

I consider it THE best book ever written in the category of social science, business, psychology and self help. I read it numerous times a year to keep me committed its principles.

The thing is about this book is that its advice is so simple and genuine. Simple things like giving smiles or listening takes you a long way in social development. And the principles taught in this book are timeless and can be applied in any circumstance.

Sojourner · Apr 13, 2016

Mr. Sir said: ↑

There is an old book from the early 1900's that has become a cornerstone in the development of my social skills. I think that a major reason many of you are so lonely is because you're annoying, self centered, and simply speaking - not interesting. The application of the principles of this book provide a structured path to lead you out of your social ineptitude.

I highly suggest purchasing the book because the principles are better understood within the context of the literature.

I will highlight in blue the most important principles to me (as some are redundant).

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the person an eager want.

Six ways to make people like you
4. Become genuinely interested in other people.
5. Smile.
6. Remember a person's name; to them it is the sweetest and most important sound in language.
7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
8. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
9. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

How to win people to your way of thinking
10. The only way to get the best out of an argument is to avoid it.
11. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong".
12. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and with empathy.
13. Begin in a friendly way.
14. Get the other person saying, "yes, yes" immediately.
15. Let the other person do a great deal of talking.
16. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
17. Try, honestly, to see things from the other person's point of view.
18. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
19. Appeal to the nobler motives.
20. Dramatize your ideas.
21. Throw down a challenge.

How to be a leader
22. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
23. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
24. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
25. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
26. Let the other person save face.
27. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
28. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
29. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
30. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

How to apply these principles
In the book it is recommended that you keep a journal. Set aside a page for each day. At the end of the day, answer these three daily questions:
1. What mistakes did I make this time?
2. What did I do right?
3. In what ways can I improve my performance.

Commit to this for 30 days and you will see massive improvements in your attitude and outlook - as well as your social life.
Click to expand...

I taught the Dale Carnegie Course as an avocational instructor back in the 90s and I saw dozens and dozens of regular folks make great progress in living those principles. Solid, practical stuff.

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