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DE (Delayed Ejaculation): Your experiences/advice/comments (Female opinions are very welcome)

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by XPiRED, Mar 15, 2016.

  1. XPiRED

    XPiRED Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone,

    I have suffered from DE for a while now. I am not really experienced enough in the sex department to know for sure though. It could be related to deathgrip/speed/hyperstimulus of P or just anxiety. I am scared to even try have sex in case it happens again. So in a way, I assume it will happen again because of the initial anxiety. If you are anxious about it happening, it more than likely will happen. We all know how sex and anxiety just simply don't mix.
    I have managed to O twice before with a girl so I know it is possible. I know that if I M now it will be easy to O without P or deathgrip (weakgrip with left hand).
    I would like to know other people's experiences with DE. Any advice is very welcome.
    For instance, before you have sex with a girl, do you tell her that you suffer from DE?
    Do you just have sex until she says stop?
    Which is more awkward?
    Do I just try and see what happens? Maybe it won't happen? (I'm on day 73 btw...fuck yeah!)

    Sorry for the rant. Just needed to get this out. Any input is much appreciated. Thanks.
     
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2016
    RedEd101, Rav70 and kaylee time like this.
  2. kaylee time

    kaylee time Fapstronaut

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    All of this depends on a million different things, whether its just a hook up. Or if youre in a relationship with the girl. How long youve known her. How comfortable you are with her, and etc. But regardless, id totally say tell her about DE before having sex rather than having sex until she tells you to stop because by that point shit just gets really weird and awkward... and im saying this from personal experience.
    And conrats on the 73 days! Thats awsome!!
    In the end I guess youll never know until you try.
     
    Rav70 and XPiRED like this.
  3. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    It wouldn't hurt to tell her upfront you have trouble!
    I'm a woman I wouldn't be offended with some honesty.
     
    DBug, XPiRED and kaylee time like this.
  4. Yea just go for it and stop when you want to stop. Not cumming during sex isn't as embarrassing as people think and some people actually envy that. Premature ejactulators have it way worse so don't stress.
     
    zingaro and XPiRED like this.
  5. XPiRED

    XPiRED Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @kaylee time
    What if it is just a hookup? Do I say something as we start kissing etc. or will that just kill the mood? Or do I do it a bit in advance?
     
    kaylee time likes this.
  6. XPiRED

    XPiRED Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @Rav70
    I suppose it would be a good idea to tell her. I also don't want to kill any chances I might have with her as it may not even happen. Especially now since the Hard Mode started.
    I suppose another important thing would be to tell her that I find her very attractive and that it has nothing to do with her. Just so she doesn't feel like she is the cause.
     
    kaylee time likes this.
  7. kaylee time

    kaylee time Fapstronaut

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    Definitely do it in advance. Because that would be a mood killer.
     
    XPiRED likes this.
  8. XPiRED

    XPiRED Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @Chef Boy
    Yeah I do tend to agree that it's not such a big deal. It is the 3rd most common sexual issue among men. I guess having ED would be way worse. I think most girls would kinda prefer it this way as they can still get a lot of pleasure.
    Hopefully with the no PMO, a little practice and trying to not stress and relax, everything should work itself out. It has happened before so it can happen again!
     
    Chef Boy likes this.
  9. XPiRED

    XPiRED Fapstronaut

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    Will do.
     
    kaylee time likes this.
  10. Damon

    Damon Guest

    I would not worry about it too much, communication is the key, your partner should know about all your issues before you have sex, be open and honest, they will appreciate that. My girlfriend actually prefers that I do not climax, and we have amazing sex without the ejaculation.
     
    XPiRED likes this.
  11. XPiRED

    XPiRED Fapstronaut

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    You're a lucky guy @Damon
    I guess I need to be a bit more trusting of people and realise that most people are actually quite supportive and understanding.
     
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2016
  12. Damon

    Damon Guest

    In my experience (which isn't great) women normally get down and pissed off with men when they ejaculate too quickly, and so many men have to really try and not climax too quickly. So it can be a breath of fresh air when a man does not ejaculate or chooses to abstain from climax.
     
    XPiRED likes this.
  13. Porn Free Wanderer

    Porn Free Wanderer Fapstronaut

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    I've had DE before. I've been a regular visitor to escorts during my addiction, and I've had the problem more than once. I never had any trouble getting an erection -- probably because I keep myself fit, but I often found myself becoming bored during the "act". I think this was entirely due to the amount of porn I've been watching in the past. When you're with a real person, you can't open that person up in five tabs. They don't magically transform from a blonde to a brunette, or an Asian, or whatever as often happens when you click between browsing tabs during a porn session.

    The problem is above the belt. Our brains get used to this never ending parade of novelty that porn offers us, and when we're with a real person, our brain just doesn't feel the excitement anymore, hence it sends a weaker signal to the areas that need to perform.

    My advice is simply stay away from porn for as long as it takes. Heck, stay away from porn forever anyway, just to make sure the problem doesn't come back in the future. Above all else, don't sweat it. Too many guys worry about "not being able to perform" or whatever. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy, because you'll find yourself worrying about that rather than being present with the person you're with. If you're with someone who doesn't understand your "problem" and can't work around it with you, you're probably with the wrong person anyway.
     
    six, Andrew14, XPiRED and 1 other person like this.
  14. ByeForever!!

    ByeForever!! Fapstronaut

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    Isn't DE a blessing in disguise ??
    I mean common who wouldn't like to last for hours?!
    How do you guys do it? Tell me!
     
    XPiRED likes this.
  15. Damon

    Damon Guest

    I am lucky, it takes me a long time
     
  16. Porn Free Wanderer

    Porn Free Wanderer Fapstronaut

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    That depends who you're with. Some like it, some definitely don't.
     
    XPiRED likes this.
  17. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    No it isn't. I'm a woman and I don't like sex for hours. Just the thought makes my back hurt and my thoughts wonder to just cum already.
    There's a powerful carnal feeling that comes when my man has an o during sex and I made him do it. Not his hand as I watch or maybe a long time after we started having sex and I'm tired and bored.
    No O during sex in a normal time frame is tiresome. For those of you who disagree give it time, it gets old trust me.
     
  18. ByeForever!!

    ByeForever!! Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for clearing it out sister
    This proves porn has indeed messed me up.. "last for hours" :(
     
    XPiRED and Rav70 like this.
  19. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    Good thing is you can fix this. :)
     
    XPiRED and ByeForever!! like this.
  20. rexbanner

    rexbanner Fapstronaut

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    I've suffered from DE for as long as I can remember, and I've come to realise it's directly related to my PMO addiction. Too much edging, too much P and too much death grip.

    I've also been with my wife for nearly 20 years, so it's a slightly different situation. She always finishes before me - like others have said, she's not looking for sex to last hours. For what it's worth, I've learnt that if I'm not close when she Os then I don't have to O myself. Otherwise it just gets weird. It definitely helps that she knows in advance that this might happen.

    Occasionally I will MO with her to finish (she'll often M for an extra O with me, so it doesn't get weird), but I don't think that helps my situation. My hope is that if I can steer clear of PMO for long enough then eventually I'll be able to O through sex alone.

    My two cents.

    RB
     

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