My boyfriend no PMO 8 weeks- my reflections!

That's good!. Sounds like he re-learned how "to real sex" so to speak. It's about re-learning how to touch, pay attention, look at body, look at "pleasure face", smell, taste, and hear the moaning, O'ing....all in the realm of the bedroom...all real sensations with nothing to do with a computer screen
It's also spending some time discussing after, hugging.
I feel like a big romancer writing this, but I was one of those sick PMO'er few months ago. I feel free now, but with a caveat...I'll always be an ex-PMO'er, so vigilance is key. But I enjoy real sex with the SO a lot more now, even if it didn't change much in terms of her actions. She wants it more often and that I like a LOT.

 

@Rav70 OOOOOOH LA LA! This is making me into a lion from the jungle.



Bwahahahah!

 

Thats is so beautiful =). Im so happy for u guys!

 

Love is such a powerful thing!

 

This is what is called a nice turnout!!!!!!!!!!

 

I am so happy for you Rav .

I hope I Will be im your shoes soon.

 

A while back someone was talking about not having sex and doing 90 days on hardmode.

Do you know that some people seek lots of PMO because of lack of intimacy in their lives? They are chronically lonely and reach for the computer and not a human. 90 days of hardmode would be crap for some people. I know that having a woman in the picture, even though we're not technically BG and GF, is incredibly helpful for me.

90 days of no love would be terrible for some people. @Rav70 It sounds like you two are doing ok. Keep it up. Pun intended

 

No they dont reach for PMO due to a lack of intimacy in their lives. On the surface thats what it looks like. But thats why breaking the cycle and not using another person as a crutch is a revelation, and it is what sets someone free from the compulsion because when you clear the decks like that you get to see the real reason behind the behaviour. Not just in a logical, intellectual way, but at a deep feeling level, a level that causes a shift internally thats powerful and its what brings true and lasting change.
This notion that some people are chronically lonely is not true. Its not like its a condition they're born with and have to endure all their days. When someone is lonely it means they are disconnected from themselves, it has nothing to do with anyone else. But a lot of people dont know how to get back to themselves, be who they really are so they take one of two roads; One is they latch onto another person and use them as a crutch or they resort to PMO. But both of these ways are unhealthy and foster co-dependency. When you make a decision to stay away from PMO and not get into a relationship/refrain from sexual activity for 90 days you are confronted with the truth about yourself and your life. And its only in this way that you get to see how disconnected you have become, and when you see this then you can start to reconnect. And when you reconnect like this its pure self love and self acceptance, its integration. Connection to yourself is the polar opposite of compulsion. When you connect to yourself you heal your soul and your body, at a deep level. When you accept and love yourself you can have healthy relationships with others that arent built on compulsion and co-dependency, so that if the person you're with up and left you wouldnt fall apart and descend into a PMO fuelled nightmare.. You dont rely on PMO or anything because all you truly need you get from within and regardless of what anyone else does or says, you are rock solid and dont get rattled so much.

 

Good!
1 week is pretty good. I also have a better sex life since I stopped. I swear I could do 1 week before. Now that I get more sex, I REALLY need to work on myself to fight real sex Chaser effect! If not I'd be like a bunny on her! I don't want to exaggerate.
Me and the wife discussed last night about how good it is to do it impromptu without having the timing almost penciled in on the calendar! And I noticed I'm not frustrated anymore!
She said thanks god I spoke up and told you I couldn't take that PMO anymore. We are much closer now!

It's like a second honeymoon!
Glad for your @Rav70 !

 

5 times a week. I'm jealous!

And also very happy for you both. Things have really turned around and look really positive. Great sex, meaningful and honest conversations, intimacy - oh my. Keep up the good work.

 

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I agree that you do need to be in touch with yourself. That is of utmost importance in getting rid of an addiction. But, don't downplay how important other people are in the process. I'm not just talking about a lover. I'm talking about any and all relationships.

And what is so bad about using somebody as a crutch? Don't we all need each other for social and emotional support? This 100% do it all by yourself idea doesn't sit well with me. For much of my life I tried to do it alone and it never went well for me. I need other people in my life. And when I had women in my life, many things about me and my personality got better. When I'm by myself I get a little too weird and unbalanced. And I'm sure I play that role for other people as well.

You have a lot of good ideas, but I think you're holding too close to one ideal at the expense of other routes. It's like saying the ONLY way to get fit is to run. All the other ways are wrong. Well.... you're not wrong, running is very effective, but the other ways aren't wrong exactly. If it is working for them and the man is over 100 days off on PMO maybe you should rethink your idea. Maybe you're way isn't bullet proof.

My point is that your way isn't wrong, but it isn't the ONLY path out there. This isn't chemistry or math where there is only one answer. This is human behavior and you need to be more flexible.

 

What else has improved for him physically? I'm also 32 so I'm especially curious.

Has his hardness increased (if it's too personal you don't have to answer)? I'd like to know for my own journey.