I'm Drowning in my Addiction and it feels like I can't get out PLEASE HELP!!

Relapsing and binging always lead to these same feelings you are going through. You can come out of this ditch if you are ready to give 110% to the recovery. Many of us here were in same position as you are now but we have come a long way and so can you.

Firstly I had advice you to download a blocker (k9 web protection in particular) if you can't stop watching porn. Set up a long, random password and give it to someone you know. Then doing things like writing a journal everyday, reading and posting threads here on this forum, working out, running, meditation, staying busy etc have benefited many of us here.

You will have to go through the struggle. There is no way you could come out of this without the worst withdrawals you could ever imagine but many of us have overcome those struggles and are riding high on success of recovery. You can come out of this and you will if you are ready to do whatever it takes to defeat this addiction. Good luck!

 

Simply going outside does wonders. If you have a friend or a family member, go ahead and walk with them.. Fresh air is good.

 

The worst thing is having a good streak and then throwing it all away.
It sucks, but remember that you always have a choice. Step away from the device. Change your environment.
I can highly recommend cold showers - it's like calling an airstrike on your urges.

 

You are correct. Environment actually plays a very, very suprising role. In fact, going outside with my sister has actually allowed me to bond me with her much more deeply. You could think the connections are fulfilled in the house, and not much more needed. But the bond was much more intense, and friendly when we went outside. We breathed the fresh air. We hanged out together. We went to train tracks, park, and then a restaurant. It was a good day.

Urges are actually almost non-existent outside, because first of all. Jacking off in public is messed up, and you are only embarassing yourself. Second of all, social interaction and exercising or just simply breathing the fresh air and being in the weather can and will replace the good feeling you get from porn.

Porn doesn't even give you a good feeling, so it is a win/win.

Change your goddamn environment. Can't stress this enough.

 

going fishing, hiking, walk in the park, geocaching, bird watching (real birds).

 

OK. There is a savior. He's inside of you. Let him make the decision once to let go, and then blindly follow him. My best suggestion is to cancel your internet for three months. Use it only at the library for emails/business. Put your home computer / laptop in a box and pack it up. Give it to a friend to hold for three months. Have your phone on lock down using Qustodio. Also, switch your DNS on the device to OpenDNS.

Then, sign up to do something. A class in art, exercise, martial arts, dancing, language. Do something that is different. Start training for a marathon. Get into something else and tell yourself you are going to stick to it for three months.

Make this choice once, and then follow through blindly. Mark days down in a notebook, or digitally with chains.cc or 7-weeks. Pray to whomever. Write your emotions down. Go to bed early. Avoid drugs or alcohol. Take some road trips. Visit museums. Fill your mind with new material that doesn't trigger you. Don't trigger seek.

Do the above and you will break free of your cage.

 

I believe that you have to relapse over and over before one day you go right I have had enough of this! That's the point change starts.

Then perhaps a few dips into temptation and a couple of slips before you start to see the futility of what you are doing and that is when things start to get better.

My journey was like being on a steep winding road that for a while I was careering down and the brakes failed and I was terrified. Then just before the crash the brakes kicked in and saved me from disaster.

The road forward was better but there were a few bumps on the way but I found that became further apart and less harsh and for the last thirty days the road has been smooth and I've avoided the pot holes