Homosexual thoughts as a result of years of porn viewing... (How porn twisted me).

well, i don't share the trasexual part, ankfully when i realized how easy was to find that kind of content (even by mistake) i made a pact with myself of never going anywhere near that. But i definitely shre with you the shame part, that's one of the main reasons why am here. I found that the porn made me a different person, so i knew it had to stop. Since im here, probably the fact that you get in touch with people figthing the same demons, my motivation increased. Good luck with that, just stay strong, put hapiness at your sight and think about your goal to keep your mind clean, im not an expert but that works for me. And remember that you're not alone.

 

I did have a VERY high amount of homosexual thoughts AFTER I viewed large amounts of porn. It often occurred after a long fap session, and it could last up to several days. They were intermittent thoughts and occurred every once in a while, but still enough to frighten me. I don't watch P or edge at all now, doing that would make me reset. But I find that I don't have any of those thoughts anymore. During the last week or so, my mind has been clear. Good luck on your journey friend!

 

I can totally relate to homosexual thoghts and desires. Read my journal for more. Today, though, I still see attractive men, but a second later they are just men. No more undressing them in my mind or fantasizing sexual acts with them. Healing is possible and healing is very real. Much success, my friend.

FW

 

I think part of the appeal of the homo-erotic fantasies that some of you have mentioned might have something to with precisely the fact that it was taboo growing up, a "sin". There is a certain thrill that comes with deviance, with transgressing social norms, especially if those social norms were enforced in a particularly forceful way. Just look at those evangelicals who were busted with meth and male prostitutes.

Also keep in mind that gender is part of a spectrum and that it is between the ears not between the legs. Human masculinity and femininity are not absolutes and sexual preference is not necessarily congruent with gender. Also, I think it is extremely unhelpful to issue moral judgement on a person's sexual orientation. Of course, in the case of non-consent or child abuse I say cut off their balls but this is not because of a moral judgment, just a desire to prevent people's lives being fucked up by sexual predators.

Another thing to consider is that people who are extremely sexualized tend to be omni-sexual. Their orientation is not as clearly defined. Hence, there are bi-sexual men who are also pedophiles, into bestiality and have, or fantasize about, incestuous relations. Maybe the over-sexualization that results from excessive porn viewing can lead in this direction, or contribute to awakening urges which were latent all along.

That being said, you can only benefit from training your brain to delay gratification. It leads to more fulfillment because we are able to endure discomfort now so that we may be more comfortable in the long run. However, I don't think that shame or guilt is the proper motivation. On the contrary, I think it leads to cycles of indulgence, self-deprecation and ultimately even suicide or a life filled with regret.

 

Blake,

I can totally relate to your story, must confess my experience is frighteningly similar to yours. To be honest reading your post has been like a boon for me because I was very close to questioning my sexuality and wondering if I was gay/bi. I almost had a real encounter with a TS but chickened out at the last moment because she looked more male than female. Also I recently started watching 'sissy hypno' tagged videos because I found the normal straight stuff just too boring to look at. This is when I realized that something was wrong. I can't really explain what it was like to jerk off to them except that I felt terribly guilty and shameful when the deed was done. I also felt absolutely worthless and I'm sick of all that.

Reading your post has taken a great load off my back, comforting to know that you've stopped being excited by homosexual scenarios. It's almost frightening the way porn can manipulate our brains and condition our tastes.
I hope to go a minimum of 30 days without watching porn of any sort now. I would be immensely grateful if you kept me posted about your recovery and how you fought off the urges to relapse.
Good Luck with your challenge. Hope you achieve your goal. Cheers.

 

Guys, this is a lot of what they call the Coolidge effect on ybop. Sex must get more frequest, more bizarre, more outside your normalty, more outlandish, more extreme, more messed up, more weird, for it to continue to arouse us and keep us interested. Warped mind games that seem so right when numbed by addiction. Learn about this and then watch for it and fight it with a vengence.

FW

 

Until I joined NoFap and learned more about porn addiction and it's effects, I really started to begin to question my own sexuality as well. I've been happily married to a beautiful woman for 14 years and for the majority of my life, the thought of doing anything with another man never crossed my mind.

I'd say my porn addiction really got going into high gear around 2004 and long story short, like many of you, I began to seek out kinkier, freakier and more extreme forms or porn and arousal which included gay porn. I wouldn't look at it all the time, but when I needed a "change", I'd start surfing some or even rp with some dude in a chat room. I have come very close to meeting up with guys too, but fortunately, I didn't go through with it.

My hand to God, I swear that I'm not gay or even bi. I think many people entertain some level of curiosity at one point or another, which I think is totally natural, but the levels I took it to really began to frighten me and really made me question myself.

Once I began to investigate more about porn addiction, I discovered that I wasn't alone in this. Dozens of guys who proclaim themselves as completely straight and even in committed, loving relationships with their girlfriend or wife, would end up seeking out all manner of homosexual materials. That's what this addiction does to you, makes you seek out a new "rush" and once you get bored of it, makes you seek out something different and more taboo.

There are even those who have resorted to incest or pedophelia related porn. I never crossed those lines myself, those things are personally too abhorrent to me. But THAT'S what really terrifies me about this, how it can potentially transform a perfectly normal, stable individual into a sexual deviant. I know that's the very extreme end of the spectrum, but the potential is there for those susceptible to it.

 

Thanks for this thread. I thought maybe I was alone on this.

I consider myself straight. But I got into a downward spiral of increasingly anonymous hookups first with mostly older women then when I could find them I went to TS then a CD & finally dudes to perform oral pleasure on me. I'm disgusted that I spent hours, days weeks cruising Craigslist & other sites until I found an anonymous hookup.

I know now it was my faping to porn that led there. I never did view gay porn but I did view bisexual porn & that was enough to warp my mind into rationalizing that a mouth was a mouth or it was ok if he was "generous" I was doing it for the $ yeah I have sold my dick but truth be told I would have done it for free it was just a rationalization. Writing this is tough because that's not who I was a couple years ago & when I think back now through an objective format like this I am disgusted about what I was or maybe what I still am if I relapse. It's not just the fapping that I have to quit it's the sexual addiction which I now understand came from a fapping porn addiction.

The good news is that I had my last hookup about 2 months ago although I continued to fap to porn thinking that was better than hooking up but then I realized that with each fap session I began to think about hooking up. I can't quit my sex addiction without quiting fap.

I've lurked here awhile & I've made it 8 days without a relapse my goal is just to get to 30 then go for more. I've had some success, 2 months with at least being abstinent & it's getting easier but the NoFap is really hard & I know if I fap I'll be back to being another Craigslist loser eventually.

It's been 2 years since I graduated with honors & letters from HS. Since then my grades have slipped I am not as focused, goal oriented & energetic as I was. I remember the wrestling coaches talk about no GF during the season to turn the testosterone into aggression & focus in the mat. I was a believer then & did not masturbate although I didn't know anything about it then. I do know I was better with focus & goals & energy. I'm like a hermit now.

Anyway it's good to know I'm not the only one who has been through this.

 

Thank you for your honestly, it takes a lot of guts to say something like that. Though I do not relate to having the warped thoughts I do know where your coming from when you said acting out what you see in pornography. Kids act out what they see in an effort to just make sense of it all it's like a replay thing that goes on in your brain.. So ofcourse it's good to just not see it anymore. I remember when I first looked at a naked woman I didn't know what to make of it or what to really do about it. I mean seriously. So you do the same stupid gestures or you call girls some vulgar name as a kid because that's what some brainless person did in a video.

I do relate a lot to what you said about feeling shame. Just recently I looked at pornographic pictures and proceeded to masturbating. And I can relate to that feeling of shame afterwards. I don't really like to talk to people after that happens, and I feel terrible. After I have a reset it's like I can't really think clearly. in part because I want to forget it and it ends up feeling like I'm just suppressing the shame I feel.

I have a lot of guilt for looking at naked women but the underlying reason for me is because of a loss of a best friend. I never saw pornography before then so, this pornography is a way of avoiding the obvious trauma of feeling alone.

Recently looking at naked photographs I looked at the woman but I didn't see her the way she was being portrayed you know? there's a real human there and others are making this person into something they aren't. It's not right. It was supposed to be "art" but it felt vulgar even so. I thought about this same person giving a speech about world hunger... Who would take her seriously and who would not. I could imagine the person taking the photograph and others would not take the woman seriously for anything else but to get naked. It's dehumanizing.. And grieves you when you look at it for what it is... I tell myself that and it resets the lust and makes it go away.



I know you can achieve your victory, we all can! Weve got this!

 

Please help me. I am 13 and on NoFap. Started at around age 11(started watching porn) and am on NoFap. I started watching some futanari stuff and now I feel like I am gay and I really do not want to be.

 

I have never heard of this, but it is some kind of gay porn it seems from what you have said. I am guessing you started puberty @ 11 years of age. That is often the point at which we start masturbating to porn. Can you remember if you had any gay thoughts before that time? If not, it would suggest that exposure to futanari has caused some confusion with your orientation. If that is so, doing the NoFap challenge will reset things back to the way they were before you started.

 

I really hope so. Futa is pretty much chicks with dicks. I was straight before and hopefully am after porn. I always thought men were too rough and though watching both be girls would be better. I only watched the ones where one of them had a male part and the other did not. Only 2 weeks ago I started to get confused. I really hope NoFap changes all this as it is driving me crazy. I want to be straight and not gay. I don't act like it anyway and had a huge crush on a girl just last year. Please respond and thanks!

 

Don't worry. What you've experienced is temporary and caused by what you watched. If you stop ALL porn, masturbation, edging, fantasising, etc then you will have everything in your brain 'rebooted to factory settings'. Don't panic my boy!

 

Yeah man, just stop watching porn and immerse yourself in some other passion of yours. A hobby of some sort. After awhile, you'll realize that those thoughts go away. The good thing is that you caught this so early in life and have a chance to save yourself from ruining the rest of your young years.

 

It's been mentioned that some of the reasons for the desire are because it's taboo. Also, that feeling guilt and shame about it are negative. I'm going to disagree with this and equate the feelings of guilt and shame with the feeling of pain if you stuck your hand in fire. They are warnings to stay away.

I think we all agree that pedophilia is bad. Would removing feelings of guilt and shame about that be beneficial or conducive to not doing the behavior? Or course not and I think the same can be applied to other deviant sexual acts.

Searching for more extreme isn't limited to just porn it can happen with sex too. Do not "experiment" with this shit in porn format or in real life. Just like you can get addicted in porn you can get addicted in real life. Don't fall for this orientation lie and start thinking it's who you are or might be who you are and test yourself.

 

Hey dude I spent about 10 years with HOCD and thinking that I was gay in denial. The truth is it gives a more extreme kick getting off to such thoughts but if you fall in love with girls you aren't gay. It's just your body and mind chasing endorphins. Anyways don't give in and don't dwell on it, but you will need to stop porn if you want to get rid of the thoughts. Fortunately they do go away.

 

Just what I needed. I will try to connect with god much more and I swear am never going back to that stuff that shit again. These gay feelings I am having are getting hard to deal with and distracting me but I see others ran into this too. I just hope it all goes back to normal and that it does not develop further. The scary past is that I feel like these things are getting worse. I am happy I caught this in the first month. Thank you for the support. I have found someone that I can ask questions to without fear and I really appreciate that.

 

Wow, what a necrobump.

Anyway, @Ashrafur, sorry for the late reply, but it's just like the lads have said before me. The moment you start normalizing not masturbating, and watching pornography, things change, and your mind stops having those thoughts. Right now, I can understand the situation you are in, but it was never as severe for me, as it was for you as I was always into relatively vanilla material.

My advice is to stop now, and don't stop. Don't think about the mere act of PMO anymore. Phase it out of your life completely. If there's anything I can do to help, let me know. At a younger age, there's more energy, and hope. I believe you have the drive, and so does everyone else.