56

56 days.
Thats how long I have gone without PMO. And its crazy becasue when I made up my mind that I was going to do this, all these PMO triggers started appearing. Phone sex line text messages for free trials, my friend, out of the blue, gave me a bag of condoms and lube. WTF?!? The devil is always busy. Which lets me know there is something on the other side of this that he doesn't want me to find or see. But I have to see it. I must know what my life is supposed to be.

During that 56 days, I saw dramatic changes in my life. I got more confident, more sure of myself. I have always struggled with anxiety. That shot went away during that time. I loved how i felt. And I gave it all back. Damn lube.

So on Monday, I start again. Monday May 16th. I start down this path that I have been trying to go down for decades and havent been able to. My short term goal is 60 days. My long term goal is, well, forever. I don't want this life anymore. Hell, I can't recall a life without it. My struggle has been tough. Its gonna get tougher. But my God I want to be better. I need to be better. I wish all of you people struggling like me peace and strength. I will never stop trying. Ever. Here's to 60 days. One day at a time. Peace.

 

Thank you. Its been tough. I'm so happy I found this form. Let's me know I'm not alone and can vent when I need to. One day at a time is all I can do. So thats what I'm doing. I gotta keep going. Knowing I can share with you and others really, really helps. Thank you and God bless you.

 

Yeah its crazy. On that 56th day I was in my house on my computer and felt like I was going to relapse so I got out, went to see some other friends and that really helped. Thats when my buddy gave me condoms and lube. I was like "What in the hell is going on?" Thats when I relapsed. I want back that day so bad. And I'm going to get it back. Thank you for your kind words. If I can help let me know.

 

Amen! devil is always busy. On day 3 of this, I got 3 phone calls from girls who wanted to have phone sex with me. 3!!! Insane. I didn't call any of them back. Although I was severely tempted. I have to keep going. You and the other people who have responded to this have given me more strength to carry on and I truly thank you for that. I gotta keep going.

 

Oh I did. That happen about two months ago when I relapsed. I cleaned out everything. The best way for me was to treat my self as a a junkie. Remove myself from TV shows, websites, whatever might trigger me. I really want this. I appreciate the strength.