Tips for dealing with social anxiety

I have social anxiety. However, it doesn't control my motivation to attempt being social as often as I can.

Everyone has their own ways of dealing with social anxiety that work for them, however, here's what I do:

1) First and foremost, be kind. Always be kind.

I understand that this goes without saying. However, giving yourself the reputation of being approachable will always give you social opportunities...even when you can't make the most of all your opportunities, they will always come your way.

2) Respond organically, in your unique way, to social situations...not as you expect people think you should.

This is another way of saying 'just be yourself'. For a long time, I said things that I thought would be appropriate for someone to say, and not what I would personally say in response to a situation (I still do this sometimes, but not as much anymore). Yeah, people will like talking to you if you say things that fit their expectations, but they will never understand who your true self is. You will have a much easier time connecting with people when you can "just be yourself", despite any amount of "social awkwardness" that may ensue.

3) Seriously, don't be afraid to say something stupid.

Everyone says stupid things...you will say stupid things in your life...it's an inevitability. For much of my life, I tried my hardest to keep from saying something stupid, and when I did, I thought about it for much longer than I care to admit...even when everyone else had long forgotten. Nowadays, I've loosened my filter quite a bit. I still say stupid things quite often, but after I've laughed it off, it's like it never even happened. It also doesn't hurt to own up to it, either. Admit that what you just said was probably stupid.

4) Stop trying so damn hard to impress people. Nobody's impressed.

What does impress people is the figurative light that shines from your unique personality. Honestly, I don't feel like I do too much when I hang out with people, but they still tend to go out of their way to tell me how awesome of a time they had with me. If people express how good of a time they had with you, trust me, you're doing something right!

5) Always, ALWAYS, respect people's feelings...no matter how wrong you think they are!

Hell, even I'm not perfect at this. I still find myself thinking, how in the world could someone feel this way? My best tip to you when someone expresses a feeling that you don't agree with, is to ask questions...while also doing your best not to get defensive. If they talk to you, great. Don't be afraid to express your feelings either, just do it in a respectful manner. That is exactly how effective communication works. Also, if they can't talk about it (or, more appropriately, if they have a hard time talking about it), you also have to respect their desire not to talk about it. That is a great way to develop trust with an individual.


Remember, being socially anxious isn't a bad thing. It's not something that has to "go away" for you to function socially. You can be outgoing and introverted at the same time! If you're struggling with social anxiety, don't be afraid to throw me a PM. I'll know where you're coming from, and I'll do my best to help.

 

Those articles were very interesting reads, thanks for sharing @avatarivn .

After reading, I'm definitely gonna try and cut back a bit on the caffeine, and gives me a little more motivation to go to the gym. Plus, it's very interesting how certain foods can increase anxiety! Definitely going to save those articles for reference.

 

@ChristoX8

While I don't know your entire situation, it seems like the only thing holding you back is your anxiety with girls. You seem to be a pretty likable person who can do well socially otherwise.

Right now, just looking at a female will trigger your brain into sending certain signals that gives you anxiety. I can be the same way, actually. You need more practical advice than just "practice practice practice". That only works when you can get over the anxiety of even approaching girls, right? So save that tip for later, because practice will ultimately work.

It probably goes without saying, but right now you're putting girls on so high of a pedestal that you need a telescope to see them. The first thing you have to work on is seeing them as your "equal".

A couple of questions: do you have a job, and if so, do you occasionally work with girls? I was much like you when I was a young adult, until I worked a fast food job that basically forced me to work with girls on a daily basis. Working with girls definitely helped me learn how to see them as human (I mean, instead of super-human), and over time it became much easier to just be myself with them.

The other question: are you into or have you considered online dating? Many here wouldn't recommend it, but maybe it would be easier for you to break the ice if your not actually looking the girl in the face right away? Just a theory.

I'm sure others here could give you some great advice as well, don't be afraid to ask around the forum. Please throw me a PM if you would like to talk about this discreetly.