Thoughts on casual sex

I think you are experiencing a blip in the flatline. My advice would be to accept how you feel but do not act on it. It will pass quickly and then you can continue with your reboot. Having actual sex before it is completed is counterproductive IMHO.

 

i was thinking just like you during my 62 days streak.In my opinion NoFap is a way of stop porn and stop objectifying women , so if you want to have sex just for the pleasure is bad though if you want to connect mentally with a woman with sex is good

 

I say go for it. Unless they're paid hookers, go for it. Just think in advance, if you can't get it up, don't beat yourself into a depression and relapse like there's no tomorrow, don't over think it. Furthermore you need to take into account the chaser effect. If you manage to have sex and O from it you must be prepared to face the urges to release yourself that come and stay a few days after you O. If you're mentally strong you should be able to fend them off. Just look at the bigger picture: if you succumb to the effect and PMO you'll feel like the lowliest pos on earth, and ask yourself this, "is it really worth to trade 2 seconds of 'high' for a much longer period of disappointment, depression, sadness and a reset of my progress?"

 

Just do what you want mate. If you want to have casual sex do it because otherwise your letting nofap control your life instead of porn. You need to think are you going to wait for the perfect girl and marry her? Because in my opinion the only way you can find the perfect girl is by being with a range of women otherwise you'll find a girl and think she's right for you, which I have done in the past. I look back now and realise all her values etc were not perfect and clashed with mine but it took me meeting a lot more women to realise that.

When you meet and sleep with women your confidence will also increase and you'll feel good about Yourself aswell.

 

And the ed issues probably have a lot to do with being nervous not just nofap so the more your in sexuall encounters the more comfortable you'll be and after time it will sort itself put

 

I come from a Christian perspective, but even if you don't align with those beliefs at least give me your listen. Sex is meant to be within marriage because it creates the strongest intimate relationship that two human beings can possibly have together. When you treat sex like it is some kind of casual sport and hook up with different girls, you are literally killing your own body. Pornography is the same exact way and if you look at your issues that you had with that versus casual sex it's pretty easy to see the parallels. So I would recommend that you truly reevaluate yourself and look for that one person to have an intimate relationship with instead of a collection of pleasurable experiences because those will never get you anywhere except in more depression.

 

My opinion is casual sex is fine but under certain conditions. First of all be aware that it could lead to PMO or at least MO. Be wary of the chaser effect. Second, it should be with someone who you have a connection/attraction/intimacy with, even if its just a one night stand. I know that some of my lowest moments have been getting drunk and finding girls who I have zero interest in just to have sex with them so that I wouldn't masturbate. But it's pretty much the same as masturbating and it always leads to feelings of guilt and shame and ultimately PMO.

 

If during the reboot/rewire journey you get to do the sweaty horizontal monkey dance, you are in much better position (pun intended) if you focus on her pleasure. She comes first and she comes more than you do. Like a 5 to 1 ratio. Or you don't even come at all. Yeah I know it is frustrating. Oh hell I had to put a really amazing girl in the damn friend zone when I am doing this reboot/rewire. Ugh......

 

And what do you do if/when you find yourself getting hot and heavy with a lady and the words "sweaty horizontal monkey dance" suddenly pop into your head and then you can't stop laughing?

 

It means you get to know your path and hopefully you know how to walk it.

 

Yes. But not in the earlier stages of your reboot. That is why I said that IMHO, @ 50+ days you would be better off continuing hard mode for the time being.

 

In my opinion, using casual sex to satisfy the sexual desire is at least as bad as M or P. It's putting your energy and time into something that's intended only to give you a short self-esteem boost/a shoot pleasure boost, but is actually intended NOT to create something of lasting value for anyone involved. Actually, it's worse than M or P, because at least with those you are only risking hurting one person-you. With casual sex you are risking both (or all-if there's more) people involved, broken hearts, unwanted pregnancies, babies without a stable home life and loving parents, STDs...

Not to mention the points made by other people that the dopamine stimulation will possibly screw up your reboot, at the moment.

This is just my perspective, coming from someone who used to have quite a bit of casual sex (and staunchly supported it as a lifestyle choice), but it really does drain your spirit in the long run The sickening feeling I get remembering each instance, where I used them, and let them use me...The unwanted, intangible bonds with people who didn't care about me, or who I didn't even like...I agree with Micah Marshall that it is basically killing your body. Sex just simply isn't made to be something casual and no strings attached. People's hearts, vulnerabilities, most intimate, raw, personal traits are involved. Ultimately, the end result of sex is a new baby-definitely not a tiny responsibility. I think it takes more from your body and life than people can understand with concrete rationality. Because yes, if you are thinking about it logically, it's like "if I consent to do this and they consent to do it too, and we are careful with protection to minimize the risks, what's the problem? Sex is just like anything else in life, right? We can make it what we choose-just like a walk in the park or a ball game, just another fun activity. It doesn't have to have any serious meaning if we don't want it to." But the consequences of sex go so much deeper than anything we can rationally grasp, or control.

But, this is just my belief. It may be true for me, and still not be true for anyone else. Ultimately, only YOU know what choice to make.

 

No, I don't think the short self-esteem boost is a good thing. It's an addictive behavior, because it's something that will temporarily fill a need of yours, but be bad for you in the long run (and possibly bad for someone else). So it's really no better than P and M.

Like I tried to say, I used to have the attitude that casual sex was just fine. All about the attitude, like you said. I believed that if both I and the person involved agreed to it, it wouldn't be using. We were both honest with each other and expected the same thing each time when we agreed to it. But my point is, it takes something from your spirit in a way that goes deeper than we can rationally understand. It takes something away from you, and from the other partner. Call it something spiritual, if you like. And my point was you can't control that outcome of casual sex. Sex just isn't made to be casual. There are always consequences.

These are my experiences, and just my thoughts. It's up to you to do what you feel is right for your own body, of course.