Analysis of when you relapse the most. Loneliness & Weekends.

You could help me to understand it better if you would tell me more. How old are you? When did it start to get out of control? Was there some event that triggered it?

One of the posters above mentioned dopamine. Since I have an eating problem, I've been well aware of the involvement of dopamine with my eating problem. But it seems that almost any activity can trigger dopamine secretion: eating, masturbating, exercise, and possibly any repetitive action that brings pleasure. Dopamine addiction is what we are all up against.

 

If you are talking to me, no one ever mentioned masturbation to me at all except to say that it was normal. My liberal parents never told me not to do it. I discovered it on my own as I entered puberty. I was so young the first time I did it that no semen came out. But it never got out of control for me. I became an adult towards the end of the sexual revolution, and no one thought masturbating was an issue. I do remember, however, reading a case history of a young man who, through boredom, found himself masturbating five or six times a day. That was the only negative thing I ever heard about it (that was perhaps 20 years ago that I read that -- but that was long after the 1960's and 1970's).

 

I'm mid 40s and it hasn't been continuous - rather I vividly remember the triggering event in 1995 when I discovered Internet porn. It was pretty tame in hindsight - slow loading celeb pics on a dial up modem - but I couldn't look away for 4 hrs and the rush was intense.

It got progressively worse for 2 yrs until I met my (now ex) wife and forced myself to sober up. But I could always feel the addiction lurking and would secretly binge for a few days when we weren't doing well.

We split up 4 yrs ago for other reasons and that's when it got out of control because there was no reason not to, at least that I was aware of at the time. About a year ago I became alarmed that it had become my refuge every night from stress, unhappiness, loneliness, life in general. I was aware it was affecting my sleep patterns, energy level, and desire to date or socialize. I was becoming someone I didn't want to be and felt powerless to stop it.

I discovered this site and while I'll agree or disagree with what's said, a lot if it resonates with my experience and relating to what others are going through is the most powerful support I've found.

I've gone 60 days clean but the urge is no less strong. There's a West Wing episode where a character in AA says the problem is it's never "just one drink" because it feels so good. That's exactly it. I don't have that feeling at all with alcohol so for me it's no problem. But now I understand what an alcoholic goes through every day. This happens to be my addiction.

However I've come to view it as a daily practice of self-discipline that is worth doing because it supports everything important in my life. And I've seen the alternative and do not want to go back to that ever again.

 

Beanster, thank you for relating your experience. It seems that we all have an area of addiction. For you it is porn, for me it is food, for my mother it was alcohol, for others it is marijuana or narcotics. It's different for everyone. Prior to reading the article about this site, I had no idea that masturbation could be an addictive activity, but I was obviously wrong.

I still say, however, that taking a moralistic attitude towards it is the wrong approach. You don't seem to be doing that, but others here are. I'm also beginning to see that some men are taking a misogynistic approach: They consider masturbation to be a waste of their semen, as if their semen were precious. Those are the same men who expect all their women to be beautiful or "fit".

 

I am 65 also and believe I will be able to have a relationship, but not if I stay in the house and suffer from ED when approached by a lady who would like to be with me. Porn tricks you into thinking you have a relationship, but you don't.
CSTGUY

 

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm overweight and not great-looking any more. I would be too embarrassed to take off my clothes in front of anyone, unless it was someone who liked fat. With diabetes, I expect to live no more than ten more years. I can make it until then.