So... how do you know what your goals are?

I've just been writing in my journal and really want to get other people's opinions on this subject.

I have come to realise that PMO has, for a long time, been filling a void of dissatisfaction in my life. I feel like I have been drifting for a while; I have no drive to achieve things, I just feel almost emotionally impotent.

I am now caught in a catch 22 - I realise that I want to set goals that I really want to achieve, ones that really get me enthusiastic about achieving them. However, I have absolutely no idea what it is that I actually want to achieve.

I thought it would be that I would want more money, but I have been lucky enough to come into a little money recently and frankly, that doesn't fill the void.

I just feel like I want to achieve something, but I have no idea what it is I want to achieve or how to go about it.

I can't swim and have booked some swimming lessons for September, but how would people, particularly those who have been successful here, go about defining their goals? What did you do and how did you arrive at them?

 

@KiKopowa thanks for the message.

I have tried to do this. I understand about my opinion mattering, I understand that I have to do what's right for me. So I put myself in a room for three days, what then? How does one go about the search? What do you do?

I'm probably asking a dumb question here, but I think the solution to this issue lies in activity pursuing the life I want. But I find myself asking what it is that I want, have no idea, stay stuck where I am and so it goes on.

 

That's a good point about starting my own business - to prove I can do it, as opposed to the money. But again, "setting up a business" is a wide remit. I previously wanted to be a coach and I do like helping people... I even did a course and tried to get clients, but found it very difficult, and with my work commitments I just felt I couldn't do it justice. My wife gave me reasons to keep going, and said I should put myself out there but I think I allowed self-doubt to creep in. There was a bit of me that thought that I'm a bit of a fraud - a distance learning course without much practical experience made me feel like I wasn't really qualified. I suppose in order to not feel like that I would probably need to spend quite a bit of money to train. So these are big decisions that I probably need to get right.

Yes, I want to have someone who I can be intimate with and definitely share life's journey. I like the way you phrase that. I am married and she is someone who I would never want to let go; however our newborn baby I think has somewhat diluted the intimacy in the relationship, and that's quite hard to get back, especially when you're up all the time at night.

Definitely want to improve my health, and also learn to swim, hence I have booked swimming lessons starting next month. But then I ask myself, why am I doing it? It does cost me more of the very little time that I get to spend with my wife, so it has a negative effect as well as a positive one.

I find myself caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. I have vague ideas of things I would like to do but find it difficult to get clarity, and with the commitment involved in these things you can't just try them and see whether you like them, especially when it comes to my career!

 

Definitely love the idea of helping people, which is where my thoughts about coaching come in. Perhaps I should think about actually doing a 'proper' accredited course, which would also give me something to get my teeth into.

I also would like to involve my wife in more things together. We haven't done much together of late, other than going away for a break at the weekend. Perhaps we should look at a hobby together or something.

You're right about having it all, and in one way, that is the problem - because there's so much you can have, it's endless choice. Sometimes I worry about doing the 'wrong' thing and I definitely worry about what other people think of my choices.

 

And I suppose that's the crux of the problem. I have used PMO / other sexual behaviours for so long, I've forgotten what makes me happy. But I know that I find my current job unsatisfying, and I know that I like the idea of coaching / helping others so that's something to look at. I also want to be more spiritual / mindful so I can be calmer, and more easily be able to handle my thoughts. I would like more money, but it's not the most important thing, as I get by right now. And I want to have a more intimate and loving relationship with my partner. So perhaps these are good goals to be starting to work with.

 

Well, I think the best thing that I can do is one thing per day to move towards each of these goals. And it doesn't matter how small they are.

So...

Job - do something to move towards doing a job of passion, something which I can obviously earn from but something that gets me excited and gives me opportunities each day.

Spirituality - develop a sense of mindfulness to help me become calmer, more self-confident, more able to handle setbacks and make the correct choices in life.

Relationship - build a loving, close and intimate relationship with my wife and grow old through life together, sharing everything - the good things and the bad things - along the way.

I actually feel better for thinking about this stuff, you have really helped, thank you very much @Oneness!