23 years old and still a virgin

My personal belief is that women and men are only different species if you want them to be. If you want to see them all as similar human beings they will be that.

Of course with first-time interaction between different genders there's always some kind of tension whether this interaction is a romantic advance or not. You should try to interact with women you are not romantically/sexually interested in and in scenarios in which it is not assumed to be a romantic advance to be more comfortable around them.

 

This is solid advice. Ignore the whole "men are from mars, women are from venus" crap and focus on seeing the similarities and minimizing the differences.

Spending more time about women with common goals and interests will allow you to talk about many things beyond that, that is if the relationships grows.

 

34 days is incredible! Now get back up, don't look back, and continue marching forward.

 

why the heck i cant post it

 

I used to be the same way. I think you need to completely forget about striking up a conversation for the purpose of attracting the girl. Do it because you are curious to genuinely learn more about the other person. Ask how their day was ? what they do ? what is their interest ? and if your really interested you will have many follow up questions just pop into your head naturally that will keep the conversation going for a lot longer than you ever thought possible. And maybe if your lucky you might, given time, find someone who finds you interesting. You don't really have to say much if you don't have anything to say, just ask good questions and keep the conversation alive.

 

I'm also 23 and a virgin. Sometimes I think about it, or dwell on it.
But honestly, I think I'd really regret sleeping with someone who I wasn't in love with.
I just haven't found someone who I deeply connect with yet.
It'll happen! Committing to nofap definitely boosts my confidence (and the natural instinct to find a lover).
Once I know who I am, where I stand and what I want. . . I'll find it.
Best of luck!

 

First post - new to this forum.

OP, you have basically just described me 2 years ago - I was getting depressed from not ever having sex and was at the point that I thought that I would be lonely for the rest of my life.

I'm 23 now, I first kissed a girl at 18 (I never spoke to her afterwards because I felt so awkward at the time). I then kissed 2 more girls in the subsequent 3 years. Nothing else ever came from these kisses, they required no game at all and I didn't find any of the girls I kissed attractive.

Prior to the third kiss I had decided that I was going to make a change and ensure that I would not be lonely forever. There was a lag before I actually started making changes but I started going to the gym and started to seek sex through internet dating. Whilst traveling in the USA, I found a woman who was twice my age and wanted to sleep with as many guys as possible. Not what I would go for now but it was a start - it gave me a sense of what sex was like and took the pressure of me. I didn't care about the sex itself - it was what it meant. From this I realised that I was scared of sex before the experience; after I was not.

This first moment gave me the impetus. I am certain that losing your virginty to someone you don't really want to sleep with is not right for every guy but it was certainly the right thing for me. I then slept with someone else around 5 months later and it took me a further 9 months for my 3rd sexual experience. Finally, I was getting somewhere. All these were from internet dating where the girl wanted a new sexual partner.

Since this, I have slept with a further 4 girls in the last year or so, some of which have happened through me chatting them up and building attraction to myself. The crucial thing that I have done is started dating - it has opened by eyes to the world and showed me how to interact with women. I am still by no means good with girls. It's practise.

I have recently started dating a girl, we are yet to have sex, though we are intimate and it's going well. Now is where I am starting to see results. I have found someone that I like and who likes me.

This has taken place over approximately 2 years (since I decided to make a change). I don't really care about the sex itself, but I wanted to make sure that I was able to find a partner. I have seen huge boosts to my self-esteem and self-confidence - I don't feel depressed and don't hate myself.

My recommendation to you is to start dating, it'll go poorly at first but you have to start somewhere and you will not regret it. Get on tinder, sort out some dates and things will start to progress.

Good luck - I was in a terrible position and seriously worried but managed to turn things around.

 

Thanks for sharing your experiences and perspective. I have also struggled to talk to people I am attracted to. Its something that many people go through in life and I do not think you should feel bad about it. For me, the real concern is your self image. While it is normal to have some insecurity, you should not let that reach a point where it paralyzes you socially and contaminates your life. You are probably a talented and kind person who is worthy of being treated well by all people. Believe it.

I think you need to spend some time by yourself to really get to know yourself better. You should not have to change your style of dress or hairstyle or interests just to attract a girl. Everyone has certain things that they are very passionate about, things that really affect them emotionally or that really engage them. You should try to figure out what those activities or subjects are and try to actively celebrate and pursue them. Seeing someone who knows who they are and who feels comfortable in their own skin is a major turn on for women because it reflects autonomy, a prerequisite for desire.

In my experience, when I feel secure and strong and in my element, I tend to inadvertently attract people to me. I don't really think about it or try to do it. I focus on whatever is engaging me and later, I notice that people have watched me and gotten a kick out of my focus and drive. I would recommend pursuing your passions and interests (if they are video games and music, that would be some directions you can take.) Try not to worry so much about what people think; focus on what YOU like and what feels right to YOU. They say that only you are an expert when it comes to your lived experiences. Let other women see you as you are and don't be afraid to be yourself. (Remind yourself "My thoughts are a flag to me. I am proud of them.") Remember, the real you is more interesting than the fake somebody else.

Another thing that I have noticed is that there are sometimes people and places that kind of anchor me and make me feel secure and safe. For me, while some people (and places) freak me out and get me super nervous, others put me at ease and feel very familiar- like I've known them my entire life. Its easy for me to be myself (confident, charming, funny, chatty, etc.) when I am with some of those anchoring friends (or in these safe spaces.) Retrospectively, I have noticed that when an attractive person is nearby, they kind of notice this change in me and see me with new eyes (like "Who is this person? I thought he was a stuttering idiot, but now I see that he is super funny or super smart.") I would recommend trying to find these safe spaces and these anchoring friends so that you can establish a base where you feel you can be yourself and feel secure.


In so far as the dating and sex is concerned, don't worry about it. People assume life is like a medicine bottle and everyone has to go by the same set of rules in order to make it out ok. In my opinion, that is not the case. Everyone feels ready to have sex at different times in their life and the most important thing is to do it (with the right person) when you feel comfortable and ready for it. It would be a major disaster to date someone just for the experience, without really feeling a mutual attraction to that person. In the U.S, STD's and teenage pregnancies make sex dangerous and stressful so don't feel bad about waiting until you feel you are ready. My advice is to wait until you find someone you feel comfortable with before going on that journey. (And when you do feel ready, make sure to practice safe sex.)

There are women out there that like the way you dress, that want to hear what you think and that enjoy spending time with you. Try to work on liking yourself more and being prouder of who you are; once you have done that, try to find ways to open up to others and show them little windows into who you are. Don't forget to be believe in yourself; be proud of who you are and be positive and open. Your perspective on yourself and on women is malleable. Having a more positive and receptive attitude could go a long way.

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." Waye Dyer

Good Luck!!

~Mnunez9

 

In some countries, bestiality is considered normal. For example, in rural parts of Santa Marta, Colombia, it is a right of passage for boys to have sex with mules. Dr. Hani Miletski discusses this in her book Understanding Beastiality and Zoophilia (and in a Vice videoclip.) She mentions how Indigenous and Muslim cultures often believe that having sex with animals will enlarge the penis and teach young boys to be more confident and to be better lovers. She also mentions that many ancient civilizations have believed in and practiced bestiality and zoophilia for thousands of years. I wouldn't recommend/don't agree with Bestiality (since I think animals can not really consent to sex) but that notwithstanding, I think you should respect vulture175's perspective. He might be Muslim or Indigenous and bestiality might be perfectly acceptable in his culture. Remember, norms and practices tend to differ cross culturally and people who have different views (like vulture175) deserve to have their views respected, especially if they are not harming anyone. I think that ethnocentrism is a major issue in conversations between Americans and people from other countries so I think you should try to be more respectful/mindful of the way you respond to diverse opinions.

 

I think your confusing anti-Muslim propaganda with real life! They probably have a death penalty for bestiality under Muslim law, meanwhile, it's legal in America [ in the military at least]

 

I'm not a fucking American. Also, what you said goes both ways. He wasn't respectful/mindful of other diverse opinions.

In New Zealand, under Section 143 of the Crimes Act 1961, individuals can serve a sentence of seven years duration for animal sexual abuse and the offence is considered complete in the event of penetration. In Canada a clarification of the anti-bestiality law was made this year, legalizing most forms of sexual contact with animals - other than penetration: which is what @vulture175 advocated. Some jurisdictions list laws very clearly, such as England, which specifically prohibits penetration of a human being by the penis of an animal, and penetration of an animal by a human's penis. In Malaysia 'zoosexual' activity is illegal with a maximum penalty of 20 years in prison, fines and whipping. In Iran it is also illegal and the first three convictions are punished by "ta'zir" as determined by a judge (this may include prison, a fine, flogging, banishment and seizure of property). The fourth offense is the death penalty!

It is illegal in France; Brazil; Ethiopia; India; Netherlands; South Africa; Australia; Turkey, Ecuador; Zambia; Denmark; Ireland; Poland; Singapore; Ghana; Namibia; Portugal; Hong Kong; Sweden; Norway; Switzerland; Trinidad and Tobago; Philippines; Belgium etc.

Whereas the United States of America varies by state, territory, or district.

 

It's good to be a virgin. Because God says so and the marriage bed should be undefiled

 

no need take my comment too serious. thanks mnunez9, IGY. very informative

 

Thanks.

 

I think you should do it for the first time with someone who you care about. I still technically have not lost mine although I recieved couple blowjobs, fingered a girl and made her squirt. I tried to force myself to sort of loose it with a random online hookup.

I did not find neither of the women attractive enough and it felt forced neither did I really care for them. I guess I was also a bit nervous but I kind of did not feel it at the same time. So doing it with someone I know already and someone I'm comfortable with would of been better choise. I now focuse on my education to get it straight and also building my confidence up.

Your not like this one person in the world who is virgin at 23 but if you hate that fact then you should start building yourself up and start the journey of becoming more confident person. I would not advice getting a hooker or anything like that. It will be more rewarding if you do it for the first time with a normal girl.

I'm on that same confidence journey and my first start besides working out is NoFap.

 

Intelligent people are also often the most depressed. And then again, depressed people are usually funnier which is attractive I guess.

 

You both have some good points here. Yust fucking for the sake of fucking would not add much depth to your life but say you are a virgin and really want to gain some experience then I would suggest learning some basics. If we are constantly PMOing then we are not being a virgin by choice. Quite the opposite. We are abusing ourselves. Our sex drive is a powerful force. We yust have to give it the opportunity to work for us and not against us. If having sex with real life people is what you want then you should focus on building up your sexual energy to the point where sex drive does all the thinking for you. And learn some basics, like how to flirt. And play around off course. Dont be too attached to results. Its supposed to be fun after all.

 

I think this is valid. Maybe some people yust need to lower their standards a little. The porn standard doesn't really exist.