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No More Mr. Nice Guy Challenge: Becoming a Stronger Man. (Dudes Only)

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Slayerknightlvl100, Oct 9, 2016.

  1. Just finished chapter one and gotta say I'm very happy I decided to purchase this book. I really hope others will read it as well since I think this thread could be a great source of support for each other in becoming integrated men. Heck we should look at starting a group!
     
  2. Moogie

    Moogie Fapstronaut

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    Think I will buy it.
     
  3. Moogie

    Moogie Fapstronaut

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    I'm reading a book called voice lessons by all Fisher. Right now. Living with my twin has not been good for my voice.
     
    Slayerknightlvl55 likes this.
  4. Slayerknightlvl100

    Slayerknightlvl100 Fapstronaut

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    [/QUOTE]

    For most shoplifted book of all time, no one seems to like the Bible. Haha.
    The other two are: Mastery by Robert Greene and Bang by Roosh V.
     
    Enki likes this.
  5. Slayerknightlvl100

    Slayerknightlvl100 Fapstronaut

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    I agree we should start a group. That only seems logical.
     
  6. Moogie

    Moogie Fapstronaut

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    I bought
    A book group? I read mostly self improvement books on my Kindle. I did read one nofap book it was not much help. I read
    How to improve posture
    Never relapse into watching porn again
    Let your inner alpha male loose
    Voice lessons
    Speed Reading
     
    Slayerknightlvl55 likes this.
  7. Credo

    Credo Guest

    It would be a group inspired by the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy".

    Also I'm in! The username should be a dead give away.
     
    Slayerknightlvl55 likes this.
  8. Slayerknightlvl100

    Slayerknightlvl100 Fapstronaut

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    Day 6 of 365.

    Okay guys so here's some stuff from the first chapter and the first and second activities. Go ahead and comment and let's talk about all this.

    Chapter 1:
    This chapter is the most important of the entire book in my opinion. Dr. Glover defines Nice Guy Syndrome as guys that "believe that if they are "good" and do everything "right," they will be loved, get their needs met, and have a problem-free life.
    He then goes on to list the characteristics of the Nice Guy. Nice Guys: are givers; fix and cartake; seek approval from others; avoid conflict; believe they must hide their perceived flaws and mistakes; seek the "right" way to do things; repress their feelings; often try to be different from their fathers; often more comfortable relating to women than men; often make their partner their emotional center.
    Now what's wrong with all these things? Glover tells us that even though being a nice guy is about being nice, very often they do things that aren't so nice. In my opinion, it's all about passive-aggression and holding in your true feelings emotions. Glover lists the negative nice guy traits as follows: Nice guys are dishonest; Nice guys are secretive; Nice guys are compartmentalized (they adapt contradictory pieces of info about themselves in order to continue bad behavior. For example, a married man will create his own definition of infidelity just because when he cheated, he didn't put his penis inside the woman's vagina); Nice guys are manipulative; they are controlling; they give to get; they're passive aggressive; they're full of rage; they're addictive; they have difficultly setting boundaries; they are frequently isolated; are often attracted to people and situations that need fixing; have problems in intimate relationships; have issues with sexuality; are usually only relatively successful.
    Glover then defines the integrated male as a male that is able to accept all aspects of himself. An integrated male is able to embrace everything that makes him unique: his power, his assertiveness, his courage, and his passion as well as his shortcomings. The integrated male doesn't try to be perfect or please others- he just is.
    Glover then introduces the Nice Guy Paradigm. A Paradigm is a road map that we use to navigate our life's journey. Therfore, the Nice Guy Paradigm is defined as: "If I can hide my flaws and become what I think others want me to be then I will be loved, get my needs met, and have a problem free life." This thinking of course hasn't worked for me, and I'm sure that if you're following and participating in this thread, it hasn't worked for you guys neither. So, some changes will have to be made.
    The keys to breaking Nice Guy Syndrome are: accept yourself just as you are; use mistakes as valuable learning tools; stop seeking approval from others; experience loving and intimate relationships; make our needs a priority; find people who are able to and willing to help them meet their needs; learn to give judiciously and with no strings attached; face your fears; develop integrity and honesty; set boundaries; build meaningful relationships with men; create healthier, more satisfying relationships with women; experience and express feelings; deal with problems directly; develop an intimate and satisfying sexual relationships; find peace with the changing complexities of life.
    Glover stresses two things before beginning this journey, to ask for help (nice guys tend to think they have to do everything on their own) and to make completing the Breaking Free Activities a priority.

    Breaking Activity #1.
    Write down three possible safe people or groups that will be able to aid you in breaking free from nice guy syndrome. Why? It goes back to what Dr. Glover was saying about seeking help. Also, it is important that you seek out male help since nice guys also tend to seek validation from women.
    I have this thread and the rest of the guys here on Nofap, my counselor, and my former professor Mike (he's a pretty smart dude and he taught my personal wellness class. He's also a fitness instructor).
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2016
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  9. Slayerknightlvl100

    Slayerknightlvl100 Fapstronaut

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    I think reading No More Mr. Nice Guy will be very beneficial to you. It changed my life.
     
  10. Credo

    Credo Guest

    In my opinion the "accepting yourself as you are" is the key to the entire mess. At some point in my life I started to dislike who I was and I think if I had to pinpoint when that happened, I would say it was after being sexually abused. I had a lot of self-hatred for enjoying the pleasure which took place within the abuse. The entire situation left me confused and angry. I knew what had happened was bad, but I internalized it as me being a bad person for enjoying the natural pleasure which took place within a bad situation. I reasoned that I must be evil for not hating the pleasure. I then viewed myself as my own worst enemy as opposed to me being my own best friend. This resulted in me seeking my worth in other people's acceptance of me.
     
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  11. Slayerknightlvl100

    Slayerknightlvl100 Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry that happened to you. That's a pretty traumatic experience. You're not evil for your body feeling what it felt during that experience. You were powerless to stop it. Confusion and anger were the right initial responses to something so evil. That would make sense that the experience made you internalize being bad and you seeking your worth through other people. How are you doing with it currently?
     
    Credo likes this.
  12. Credo

    Credo Guest

    @Slayerknightlvl55

    Currently I'm struggling, but who isn't these days? I kind of went from hating myself because I thought I was evil, to hating myself because I'm a stranger to myself. I have no clue what I want to do with my life. What career path to take, or what my purpose is in life. I believe finding ones purpose is paramount to having a healthy relationship with ones self, so my goal is to discover my purpose. I'm hopeful that through prayer, meditation, and self-reflection that my purpose will be revealed.
     
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  13. If anyone wants a free PDF version of the book here is it, No More Mr. Nice Guy. Thank me later.
     
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  14. SRJ1197

    SRJ1197 Fapstronaut

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    I'm on board. I've never read the book untill now. I'm definitely going to buy this book.
     
    Slayerknightlvl55 likes this.
  15. Credo

    Credo Guest

    If you can purchase the book I would. It's always nice to have a copy on something which doesn't require batteries. Also while I understand not everyone is able to purchase the book, I think those who can should do it. Free is nice, but is it right? As integrated men we want to do what is right, not what is expedient.
     
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  16. Slayerknightlvl100

    Slayerknightlvl100 Fapstronaut

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    That's a good way to find out what you want to do with your life. Find out what makes you happy and then go from there. Are you in counseling too?
     
  17. Slayerknightlvl100

    Slayerknightlvl100 Fapstronaut

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    I agree. If you're strapped for cash or time, then by all means- do whatcha gotta do. But, I would recommend buying the book as soon as you get the funds. This book really helped me and it didn't feel like a scam or like the author was just pedaling miracle medicine. This is the one book overall that will change your life so support the cause.
     
  18. UnorthodoxBox

    UnorthodoxBox Fapstronaut

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    I agree with what is said; but I must add
    Patience, along with courage, dominance, kindness, and confidence, are all man's best virtue.
    Th
     
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  19. Credo

    Credo Guest

    These are all true things and the book isn't about minimizing them, but rather reflecting on the motives behind your "kindness". Are you doing it selflessly or are your motives for kindness because you want to be loved and get peoples approval? Are you "kind" because you're afraid to tell people no?! Etc.
     
  20. The Eleven

    The Eleven Fapstronaut

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    Hey, friend. I have no idea what sort of abuse you suffered, but I can absolutely relate to your reaction to it. I'm just starting to work through this in therapy over 30 years later. PM me if you ever want to chat about it privately. Might help us both. Wishing you peace and strength in your struggle, regardless.
     
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