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Sissy porn, my story

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Dark_Lord, Nov 6, 2016.

  1. Nov 6, 2016 #1
    Dark_Lord

    Dark_Lord Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone,
    My addiction is aimed towards sissy porn, for those who do not know it praise yourselves lucky as it is terrible. I got there while i was way too young and my brain was still developing and right now im first time in my life really trying to get rid of it.

    First off i had been bullied when i was a young kid and at 8 years old i attempted suicide. This caused me to be forced in various therapy sessions with varying results. Around 13 i started inflicting selfharm by cutting my arms, this was also the time i started developing sexual desires. With the selfharm happening it was no surprise that i ended in BDSM aimed towards men rather quickly. Things escalated quickly from there with me watching various videos, setting my tastes.

    Eventually i started using my mothers and sisters clothes to dress in while still excessively using porn. It got to the point that beside wearing their clothes i would even use any sex toys i found of them. In this time i started using chat sites very often as well, i would either go to straight chatrooms and pretend to be a female or go to gay chatrooms and advertise myself as sissy.

    Even though i had two girlfriends in that period i kept using porn, hypnosis, chatrooms and webcamchatrooms. With some people i kept contact, they treated me like shit and i liked it, sadly. Usually after some time something would happen that scared me or i would have a moment of clarity and stop it all. After some time of not using anything i would slowly drift back untill i got to the point of being scared again and start it again.

    I'm 20 years old now so i estimated i consumed this type of porn for 5 years. 5 years in a young, developing mind. I can only imagine the damage this has done and i'm now rebooting hoping to end it all together. If anyone else struggled with this particular type of porn or wants to discuss this i will gladly talk about it with you.
     
    Dark_Lord, Nov 6, 2016
    Dark_Lord, Nov 6, 2016
    #1
    Yvan and kriss93 like this.
  2. Nov 6, 2016 #2
    kriss93

    kriss93 Fapstronaut

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    I can relate to your story (luckily I am just "only" 1,5 been this type of porn).

    In this sentence, what do you mean by "being scared again"? Scared again of what? You wrote that you slowly drift back (I'm guess you mean you drifted back slowly to your heterosexual fantasies/feelings), so you scared about the recover itself or what?

    I am open to talk if you want, pm me! :)
     
    kriss93, Nov 6, 2016
    kriss93, Nov 6, 2016
    #2
  3. Nov 6, 2016 #3
    PsycheMagician

    PsycheMagician Fapstronaut

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    Hello, Dark_Lord. Thanks for sharing your story with us.
    The important thing is that you decided to make a change to become a better version of yourself.
    I can relate to many things, i also escalated my porn use to very fucked up things. The important thing is that we noticed that this was bad for us, and we decided to make a change. Dont give up, with the correct mindset we can accomplish anything we want.

    If you wanna talk, you can pm me.
    Be strong, brother.
     
    PsycheMagician, Nov 6, 2016
    PsycheMagician, Nov 6, 2016
    #3
  4. Nov 6, 2016 #4
    Dark_Lord

    Dark_Lord Fapstronaut

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    The actual sissy porn is what scared me, usually me or someone else pushing me beyond my comfort zone and me thinking that it was the end. After some more time i would just start looking again at sissy porn untill it scared me again and so on. Thank you for the support :).
     
    Dark_Lord, Nov 6, 2016
    Dark_Lord, Nov 6, 2016
    #4
  5. Nov 7, 2016 #5
    Themadfapper

    Themadfapper Fapstronaut

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    I got into self-humiliation/ self-harm porn which is kind of a variant of sissy porn and often leads to it.

    I hope you think and you realise this is a self-destructive addiction. The sick brain gets turned on by harming itself [ you ] and compels you to do ever more harmful acts. The brain gets so twisted this can get confused with desire and want when in actuality you are repulsed by these acts.


    I'm no expert on kicking addiction, but from my limited knowledge it always seems to come down to going cold turkey. You just got to stop doing it, and your mind [ brain ] will heal over time and these "desires" will start to be seen for what they really are and you will see that you are repulsed by them. This could take time 3-6 months maybe longer of no porn, no masturbation, no perverse thoughts or sexual fantasies.

    Being determined helps of course, but in the end, you just have to stop doing it. I find the first week to be the hardest then it starts getting easier with the occasional bump in the road that you have to fight through.
     
    Themadfapper, Nov 7, 2016
    Themadfapper, Nov 7, 2016
    #5
    Yvan likes this.
  6. Nov 7, 2016 #6
    Dark_Lord

    Dark_Lord Fapstronaut

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    You are right, it is pretty harmfull to my brain and im right now in the process of rebooting. I set my goal for 90 days without PMO and forever without sissy P. The porn we watch can be just as bad as drugs in my opinion as it eventually starts to feel like its controlling your entire life.
     
    Dark_Lord, Nov 7, 2016
    Dark_Lord, Nov 7, 2016
    #6
  7. Nov 8, 2016 #7
    lantti

    lantti Fapstronaut

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    Oh don't worry about that. I'm on 7 day and up here, There is no fetishes or any prejudice. Here is only peace of mind. Occasional bad feeling because of the dopamine shortages, but nothing to worry about. I was addicted too to sissyporn, I've gotten away from it. not using porn for 20 days.
     
    lantti, Nov 8, 2016
    lantti, Nov 8, 2016
    #7
  8. Nov 8, 2016 #8
    Dark_Lord

    Dark_Lord Fapstronaut

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    That's amazing! Keep it up :)
     
    Dark_Lord, Nov 8, 2016
    Dark_Lord, Nov 8, 2016
    #8
    lantti likes this.
  9. Nov 15, 2016 #9
    Yvan

    Yvan Fapstronaut

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    Hi Dark_Lord,

    I feel so touched by your story, I can see myself in your words,

    Apart from the experience of attempting sucide (although this thought of sucide is present in my mind since I'm a child), I followed the same path:

    bullied at school / forced therapy / using mothers clothes and her sex toy / BDSM porn then sissy porn / chatroom advertised as sissy / start and stop...

    I'm now 38, luckily as I was teenager internet porn content was lighter and I hadn't "free" access to it. But the seed was there and as soon as I had my own flat I started using heavily porn and so on.

    Now, I feel my life is changing, I'm getting older, and I want something else from my life, I want MY life back!

    I'm just so happy you feel like wanting a change for you at your young age! Having such a background will
    definitively give you a huge advantage in understanding people and knowing kindness. Don't loose a second!

    Take care beautiful soul.

    Yvan
     
    Yvan, Nov 15, 2016
    Yvan, Nov 15, 2016
    #9
  10. Nov 15, 2016 #10
    Dark_Lord

    Dark_Lord Fapstronaut

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    Your words strengthen my mind. I wish you all luck on your own journey, since i tried stopping i've seen so many people struggling with this. It is scary in a way how a genre can destroy so many lifes while seeming so innocent. I myself didn't see the dangers untill i tried to stop once and felt unable to, always coming back. This made me realise it is not fun anymore, its destroying my life and in a way im glad to end it at this point in my life or at least trying to. Either way i believe in you dont give up :)
     
    Dark_Lord, Nov 15, 2016
    Dark_Lord, Nov 15, 2016
    #10

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