True Success Beyond Nofap

I posted my 'origins' story here back in November the 12th, 2016. The title was "78 days of Hard Mode" if you want to look it up. For those that can't be arsed, in essence I was becoming addicted to P. Having spent twenty years of my life MOing with the latter 5 or 6 years or PMOing I had become rather numb to genuine sexual encounters with women. It was terrifying. I had visions of buying those pills online (can't name them apparently) and sneaking them down. I truly believed I had hardwired myself into a new weirdly asexual state where only a phone screen could get me going. Saying that, even daily PMOing had lost its allure with not much "action" downstairs. It was like my sexual self was dying. I even avoided a couple of proper sexual come-ons, fearing I wouldn't be able to perform.

Cut forward and I did 99 days of Nofap. I went through all the trials: flatlines, blueballs, heavier flatlines, doubt and despondency. I also experienced some fantastic benefits: spontaneous erections crept back into my life and I began to realise how powerful my mind was - once upon a time not MOing for 2 nights would have been considered an achievement. Going for 99 days (100 nights) was like climbing a mountain. For me, it became easier after the mid 60s. Indeed, the only trouble I had psychologically towards the end was deciding whether I would persist for longer... Ultimately I decided that with the complete death of P in my mind (gave that up a while before cutting MO) along with the spontaneous arousal, I was ready to reinitiate MOing in a healthy manner. I recognised that I would probably experience a 'chaser effect' the first couple of nights, which I did, but I wasn't worried. After that I managed to maintain a loose rhythm of MOing once every few days. I made sure I was present during the experience, focusing on sensations and positive sexual memories, not fantasy or P etc. It was like being a young teenager again, with no hangups or physiological problems. I truly believe MO is healthy for us; it allows us to connect to our sexual selves when perhaps we are too isolated to connect with someone else, it can destress and it can be fun. The problems arise when it becomes a dependency and a barrier between ourselves and real life.

Cut forward again.
I am now in a healthy, loving sexual relationship with a beautiful girl, both inside and out. A big factor in this success was actually being honest about my issues from the start. I won't lie, the first week of sexual intimacy with her was horrendous in some ways. Because I had no idea whether my Nofap journey had 'worked' or not, I freaked out everytime we took our clothes off and it killed me downstairs. Worrying I was still hardwired the wrong way became a self fulfilling prophecy. We spoke about it a few times however, and eventually the fear left me. I was just happy to be with her (remember, being sexual with someone doesn't have to include full blown sex). As the fear left, my body came back to me (if you get my drift) and the problems left.

Some advice: do Nofap if you fear you are becoming hooked to PMO or even just MO. It was 2 weeks between me finishing my Nofap streak and finding union with my girl. I'm not for a minute saying that was causal, but I do know that the newfound confidence I had (at least with my clothes on) allowed me to be more open and at ease with her during the first phases of our relationship. Had I been PMOing nightly in my lacklustre, self loathing fashion, I'm sure this would not have been the case. Moreover, as we are doing long distance for the next couple of months, I know I can handle not being with her for fortnight stretches - what's 14 days vs 100! Another tip, be open with people about Nofap (without being creepy). I told my best mate about it nearly half way in. He told his wife (another very close friend) and we had a very non-awkward adult conversation about it. I didn't go into much detail, just that I was wanting to kick P and that by cutting out MO as well I stood a better chance. Funnily enough his wife told my now-girlfriend about this so for all I know, it is a turn on for women to hear your are trying to take control of your sexual life and be more present! Who knows? Another pointer, recognise the patterns of Nofap so they don't unexpectedly drag you down. You will most likely flatline. Doesn't mean you're broken or asexual. It's temporary chemistry. You may well get blueballs which are painful but worth it, seeing as they don't persist forever. You may not feel any different for a long time; no worries, your Nofap streak may need to be longer than the arbitrary 90 days. You may not experience the superhero effects some guys are reporting. I certainly didn't, and as a cynical scientist I would dispute a lot of them as psychosomatic anyway. My final, final tip. Try not to overfocus on Nofap. The first few weeks lying in bed, were really difficult for me, as were the blueballs. However, I overcame that and reached a point where it was much easier. I didn't log into Nofap much at all (maybe 5 times throughout) and I stopped counting the days for much of the middle stretch. I believe that over-focusing creates too much pressure...

Sometimes I still get fleeting, niggling doubts that I'm going to let myself 'down' in the bedroom so to speak, but I let them pass, enjoy myself and allow it to happen naturally.

Fight the good fight,
Try to love life,
Peppo

 

@Sailor93 NoFap did not impact my social life much. I went out as much as I did before. I'm quite a lone wolf kind of person but I do enjoy meeting up with friends/work night outs etc. All I can conclusively say is that by doing NoFap I became keenly aware that my only hopes for sexual fulfillment were with girls and so I became more proactive in letting them know I was interested.

@sirfapstinence PMO was completely gone for my whole NoFap (I speak about this in my origins story). To clarify, I did no PMO at all. I truly believe completely stopping MO will help kick the P which is why I went cold turkey. My releases were naturally occurring wet dreams over which I had no control. They ended up happening quite a lot. I now am open to the idea of infrequent MO (once every handful of days or whatever) but seeing as I am in a healthy sexual relationship, I'm not doing it at all right now. Thanks for your questions guys. Keep on pushing. Peppo