`In Case You Didn't Know...

Mike53 · Feb 8, 2017

Thank you D.J. I've go a few ideas to put into place to help me out

Joanankor · Feb 9, 2017

My dear friend Mr D . J . you are absolutely right. We are all engaged as men in a war against the porn industry trying to eliminate the men's brain quality in the Western world. The centre of all this lies in the far East where the men sees it like tabou and refrain from it and protect their children too. Of course as an opposit reaction their urge to sex and prostitution is 100% more then here. This means that each of us must protect himself from FAP as from his most dengerous ennemy as if it was a personal devil urging us to reverse the good conduct we want to engage in. Even if we are no believers it may help sometimes to think that the devil who according to the Bible is up to destroy this humanity before its coming new make off is also busy with each man to destroy his brain through FAP as he holds in his hands everything which is bad and our loving God everything which is good. Amen.

extase · Feb 9, 2017

Thanks a lot brother #30 is pure gold for whenever I feel tempted

hiroshima · Feb 10, 2017

Number 35 is a great advice. And not only for the stuff we are dealing with here. Anything in life.

NoMoreFap2012 · Feb 10, 2017

Great! You know almost 5months ago i decided to stop my habit and went to gym. And i stopped the habit of masturbation for 3 months.. this was the first time in my life i passed 9days with no porn. And ovbiously my body was in great shape but one day a girl started sex chat with me, i couldnt control myself and i masturbated, i was sooooo angry that i had wasted my 90days for a temporary pleasure. :'( now im afraid that i shall do same mistake again. Seriously

Joanankor · Feb 10, 2017

Hi Guy's! I do not know if there are people among you who believes in God but I do, and He finaly answered my prayers, saw my many tears, listened to my endless lamentations and after I finished writing my latest Post to all of you, I phoned my girlfriend and she asked me for the keys of my houses and I refused it formally and firmly and our very absurde relation came at once and all to an end, freeing me from all my troubles in one go, unbelievable but true, and all this happenings on the 90's birthday of my beloved mother (today) who is still alive and never liked that idiotical sexmaniac.... BLESS THE LORD! Halleluja!!! Halleluja!!!

Joanankor · Feb 10, 2017

NoMoreFap2012 said: ↑

Great! You know almost 5months ago i decided to stop my habit and went to gym. And i stopped the habit of masturbation for 3 months.. this was the first time in my life i passed 9days with no porn. And ovbiously my body was in great shape but one day a girl started sex chat with me, i couldnt control myself and i masturbated, i was sooooo angry that i had wasted my 90days for a temporary pleasure. :'( now im afraid that i shall do same mistake again. Seriously
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My Dear Friend shut your ears the next time and as D. J. says so wisely, run in the opposit direction to save YOUR LIFE!!!! Good luck, nothing is lost you are still alive, and you must have learned your lesson now...

NoMoreFap2012 · Feb 10, 2017

Joanankor said: ↑

My Dear Friend shut your ears the next time and as D. J. says so wisely, run in the opposit direction to save YOUR LIFE!!!! Good luck, nothing is lost you are still alive, and you must have learned your lesson now...
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Yes! Thats enought now im not going to feed devil inside me

Joanankor · Feb 11, 2017

NoMoreFap2012 said: ↑

Yes! Thats enought now im not going to feed devil inside me
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My Dear Friend, nobody has a devil inside him or her it is not right to give the reason to a devil (I know what you meen by using this expression) although he well exists he can do nothing to you if you stay strong in yourself and never give in TO YOUR OWN DESIRES AND SEXUAL WISHES...There will be always hurdels to get around as long as we are born with this thing between our legs but the most important is to accept that we may make mistakes (we are humans) and that there is always a way back (there is even a chapter in the Bible explaining that God will never blame us for our sins, which are normal in His eyes but gets annoyed if we go on repeating them and do not learn from them). So I shall say now that you are all strong and back to your starting blocks I will suggest you to go to the same gym, sit next to the same girl (without shaking too much) and when she will attack you again (oh she will) not have an arrousal bit change the conversation and see her not "an object of desire" who came right out of your TV screen where you watched porn long time ago but as a person who has interest in you...if you can handle this, I am sure you can, you are not a teenager, you will be such a strong man that you will never ever think to things like porn or fap the rest of your life, I am sure. I wish you good luck... God will be next to you, not the devil because your intentions are GOOD.

NoMoreFap2012 · Feb 11, 2017

Joanankor said: ↑

My Dear Friend, nobody has a devil inside him or her it is not right to give the reason to a devil (I know what you meen by using this expression) although he well exists he can do nothing to you if you stay strong in yourself and never give in TO YOUR OWN DESIRES AND SEXUAL WISHES...There will be always hurdels to get around as long as we are born with this thing between our legs but the most important is to accept that we may make mistakes (we are humans) and that there is always a way back (there is even a chapter in the Bible explaining that God will never blame us for our sins, which are normal in His eyes but gets annoyed if we go on repeating them and do not learn from them). So I shall say now that you are all strong and back to your starting blocks I will suggest you to go to the same gym, sit next to the same girl (without shaking too much) and when she will attack you again (oh she will) not have an arrousal bit change the conversation and see her not "an object of desire" who came right out of your TV screen where you watched porn long time ago but as a person who has interest in you...if you can handle this, I am sure you can, you are not a teenager, you will be such a strong man that you will never ever think to things like porn or fap the rest of your life, I am sure. I wish you good luck... God will be next to you, not the devil because your intentions are GOOD.
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Oh wow, you nicely explained it. I enjoyed reading it. Do you have any AP or any group of AP? If yes, then Me and my fapastronaut friend would love to join it.

Tom_Corsi · Feb 14, 2017

This is a great post. I hated to read it, because it's difficult to admit that I was cheating on my sobriety a little bit (There were days when I still edged, thought about old fantasies, and looked at suggestive non-P pictures, but I still counted them as "no PMO" days because I didn't go all the way to porn sites nor masturbated to orgasm.)

I have reset the count of days on my journal appropriately. Brutal honesty is what kicking this addiction will take, right?

D . J . · Feb 14, 2017

Tom_Corsi said: ↑

This is a great post. I hated to read it, because it's difficult to admit that I was cheating on my sobriety a little bit (There were days when I still edged, thought about old fantasies, and looked at suggestive non-P pictures, but I still counted them as "no PMO" days because I didn't go all the way to porn sites nor masturbated to orgasm.)

I have reset the count of days on my journal appropriately. Brutal honesty is what kicking this addiction will take, right?
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Exactly!

Elkanah · Feb 15, 2017

This is amazing, I will read this one often. Thank you so much.

Deleted Account · Feb 17, 2017

This is a real treasure trove!

Allnightlong · Feb 19, 2017

Thanks for this amazing little bible of NoFap!
Sadly, I didn't notice back when I was having my best streak..

"Similarly, don't decide to "watch P to see if you are still affected by it! If you have been watching P for a year... 5 years... 10, 20. 30 years, what makes you think being sober for a week to 6 months is going to override all of the years you've been watching P. Think about it!"

This is exactly how my streak ended...

Patillitas · Feb 20, 2017

Thankyous for the post, I read all and took notes, I hope help me with my addiction. Regards

Renniez Khan · Feb 24, 2017

D . J . said: ↑

This will not be my official journal but this is a place on the forum where I will store all of the tips that have shared with others as well as tips I have seen others post. It is an ongoing list and will continue to grow.

[General Notes: Words in blue are links to information. The majority of the information is gender neutral but information in pink pertains more towards women but a variation may apply to men.]

Everything ain't for everybody and if something doesn't work for you or you don't agree with it... don't do it, continue reading until you find something that does.

It is very important to understand that the strategies below are to help you through the journey but it is vital that you replace your old habits with new habits so that you won't fall backwards into your old habits. When you stop watching porn and masturbating and you do not replace those habits/ activities with healthier ones, chances are great you will return to where you once found comfort and escape.

Here is a growing collection of startup strategies compiled from myself and I've added some from others on NoFap. Keep these in mind, this is by no means a be-all-end-all list of suggestions but it is a list for you to use and add to for yourself and modify to meet your needs. Check back every once in awhile because I do add to it. Also skim over the entire list because new tips may not always be added at the end of the list.

Understand that you are engaged in a war to regain the possession of the life you unknowingly gave away to PMO. It should be treated as a hostile enemy because it doesn't play fairly. By not taking this seriously or by taking this halfheartedly, you not will get very far before frustration causes you to surrender to the enemy. Be warned, failure is a part of the process. Not every battle will be won. There are many Success Stories to show that victory is possible but remember, an addict always has the opportunity to fall backwards and thus again surrendering the life you have fought so hard to regain. The battling may end soon for some but the war may last a lifetime for others. That doesn't mean there will be constant battles for life. Even in times of peace the enemy is out to still, kill and destroy you. Take up your shield and your sword and prepare for war!

Addiction... Am I really an addict?

You wonder if you really have an addiction or you "just happen to like porn/ masturbation" well, the way you know something has control over you or not is, to choose to stop doing it, at that moment, to never do it again. If the thought of that unnerves you, there's a problem, if you can't do it, you have an addiction. For an example, normal addictions everyone has are to food, water and air.

Just because you've progressed more than you initially expected on your first (or first few) tries, it doesn't make you any less of an addict than those who are struggling lots more or who have a darker history. Accepting that you're an addict is not enough, you are a serious addict, we are all serious addicts. There are no "stages" or "degree" in a PMO addiction (at least that's how your mindset needs to be). (from @ZenPhysics)

This is a marathon, not a sprint. Along the way, the addiction will talk to you, and never in a good way. It will try and joke with you. It will threaten your life, it will tell you you cannot do it, that getting clean is impossible. It will lie to you, reason with you, shout at you, scream at you, whisper to you, beg you, threaten you, blackmail you. It will tell you that it is your only true friend, the only thing in this world you can, actually, count on. You must NOT listen. This addiction is a lying [motherf****r] that you must defriend, disown, eradicate, hate, and expel from your life. If you adopt this attitude for the hard 90, you will win. You cannot beat the addiction while staying friendly with it.
It is time to get real. Reality hurts, at first. Then, later, you just become a person who eats pain like candy. Then, later, the pain recedes. Welcome to the fight... (from @WilliamOneAndDone)

Addiction acceptance means you acknowledge what you thought you were controlling is now controlling you. Once you accept you have an addiction:

Delete all of the P that you have from your computer and smartphone including the browser history and cookies. This will not stop you but will slow you down.

Here is how to block sites on iPhone and iPad Safari.

Identify your triggers. What are the things that you happening in your world to cause you to turn to PMO for escape and comfort! This is the most crucial step in the process.

Once your triggers are identified, determine healthy ways of dealing with those triggers such as exercise, running, leaving the stressful situation and going outside for air.

How to use the NoFap forums will show you how to maneuver around the NoFap site.

Newbies: List Of Reboot Resources will help understand what NoFap is about. Within this link is a link to a glossary of terms commonly used on NoFap. This will help you communicate knowledgeably and more effectively:

Go to Your Brain On Porn to learn more about the effect PMO has on you. Do this also to educate yourself on the damage you are doing to yourself.

Guard your eyes. Be careful of what you allow yourself to see. No, you cannot live with your eyes closed but you can determine how long you look at something. If you know it may cause you to fall, flee from it! Run in the other direction, sometimes that need to be literal.

When you go to the bathroom, don't take your smartphone with you. (from @countryboy94)

Be careful of visual triggers from social media. Delete accounts if necessary. (from @countryboy94)

Stop placing yourself in situations where the situation has leverage over you. That means stop placing yourself where you know you may get weak and either give in at the moment or later on.

When you see yourself beginning to be in a bad situation (ex. alone with a computer and horny), say what you feel or know you are about to do or likely to do so you can hear yourself say it. (Ex. "I'm alone in a room [with a computer] and I'm feeling lonely [or whatever the emotion is] and horny and I want to [watch watch porn and] masturbate but if I do that, I will have lost the progress I've made". By hearing you say what you are about to do, you may realize the price you pay is not worth what you will receive in return.

Be careful of porn substitutes (p-subs). Whether it is Facebook, Instagram, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition, adult comics, erotic fiction, etc., using them may eventually lead to porn and in as the name suggests, are often used as porn. You are not helping yourself by using it.

If you are a woman, seek out the other female fapstronauts in the Women in Reboot. The women community here is small but no less powerful! Seek solace among your sisters during your journey. A female AP you can rely can make all the difference. (@FlawedChristian)

Do not harden your heart against the male fapstronauts that are genuinely trying to help you (you will know them when you see them!). Many of the guys here offering advice come from a good place. (@FlawedChristian)

That being said, the report button is here for a reason. Unfortunately some male users will target you because you are a woman here. Do not respond to inappropriate questions for the sake of being nice or polite. (@FlawedChristian)

While it can feel empowering speaking up against the misogynistic or sexist comments you come across, remember to practice self-care. It's OK to leave a conversation that you feel is going nowhere. Just like PMO, harmful attitudes about women will take time to unlearn. Save some energy for yourself. (@FlawedChristian)

Even though focused on romance first, avoid rom-coms and romance novels if you need too. Just because they are not as sexually explicit doesn't mean they can't contribute to unhealthy fantasies. It's called fiction for a reason. Find your "perfect guy" in the real world. Don't live in your head. (@FlawedChristian)

Avoid sex scenes in television/movies and music with sexually explicit lyrics (@Alexandrea)

Masturbation... do not keep your hands to yourself. Unless you are bathing, changing your underwear or actually using the bathroom, your hands should be nowhere near your penis. YOU ARE BANNED FROM TOUCHING YOUR PENIS (VAGINA) FOR RECREATION!!! IT IS NOT A TOY!!!

IF YOU ENGAGE IN PRONE MASTURBATION (masturbation while on your stomach) STOP THIS BEHAVIOR NOW!!! YOU ARE HARMING YOURSELF!!!

Edging - Masturbation without ejaculation or to prolong the act of ejaculation, so if you have been edging, you have been masturbating, they are the same thing [to those who know this, there are too many who seem to see these as two separate actions or issues... they are not.]

Your bed is limited to only the time you are sleeping. No laying in bed other than that. As soon you awake, you should get out of bed. Can't sleep, if awake for more than a few minutes, get out of bed until you are sleepy enough to go to sleep.

Keep doors open unless necessary. You need to be isolated as little as possible. You're less likely to M when people can see you.

Keep curtains and blinds open as much as possible. Similar reason as above and also allows light inside. Many times M'ing is more likely in dark places.

At night, keep lights on as often as possible. Similar to above, lights on may lessen your desire to fap.

If you are a naked sleeper or a boxer sleeper, consider sleeping in a in jockstrap, cup or briefs or compression shorts, something more constrictive so that you are less likely to feel movement while falling asleep or when awaking. They may provide a better barrier to prevent those that subconsciously reach for their penis at night or in the morning. They may also be a visual barrier for those that have morning erections too irresistible to not touch.

Many have found cold and short showers beneficial for temptations control.

If you have a faith, lean into it. Allow it to strengthen you in times of weakness. Many of us have gained strength in our weakest moments due to our faith. There are several spiritual and religious groups that are on NoFap dedicated to allow a person to gain additional encouragement and strength through prayer, scripture.

There are other social groups as well which support those looking for a specific community of similar interests.

Consider seeking an accountability partner. We in the forum will help you but some may become stronger with one or a few to keep them accountable.

Never agree with your temptation. (@mvp35lusanity)

Begin a journal so that others can encourage you and connect with you.To create a journal, go to the Reboot Logs, find your age group, begin a thread. That thread is your journal. Go back to your first post and place a link to your new journal there so people can find you can follow you.

For those who want a counter, click on this link. (NOTE: There have been issues with the counter and it may not work properly)

Become active in this community. The more active you are, the less time you will spend focused on you. The less time focused solely on you, the faster time goes. There is an old saying, "a watched pot of water doesn't boil any faster", which means for this example, focusing solely on yourself and your issues won't make them go away sooner. It's OK to track progress but when spending more time doing other things that were once important to you and encouraging others, you will notice the time of your sobriety will go so much faster than if you didn't.

Each one, teach one means for each person who has been helped, consider teaching another person from his or her own experiences.

Whatever you feed will grow and whatever you starve will eventually die! Each time you PMO you feed the addiction, each time you resist, you starve the addiction.

[Advice and rant] Along your journey, reflect back to who you were but don't go backwards! What I mean is don't fight to gain a week or a month or 6 months sobriety then waste the progress by "checking to see if my penis (vagina) still works because I've been flatlining and I haven't been horny in awhile". Really? That is only a lie you are telling yourself to MO. If it didn't work, you would feel nothing at all, even when urinating. Seriously! You cannot have it both ways! You cannot complain when you are always horny and then complain when your not horny at all. Consider it a NoFap resting station. Keep moving forward.

Similarly, don't decide to "watch P to see if you are still affected by it! If you have been watching P for a year... 5 years... 10, 20. 30 years, what makes you think being sober for a week to 6 months is going to override all of the years you've been watching P. Think about it! [Note: For those of you who are new to this forum, the previous two may be lies you tell yourself while in recovery. These two may seem crazy and you may think this is common sense but too many have admitted to one of or both of these situations. This is how powerful the addiction can be. Don't allow yourself to fall into this trap of the enemy called a brain addicted to PMO].

PMO is not a need; it is not analogous to our needs for sex and relationships and food. PMO is an addiction; a drug. It is an artificial construct; asimulation designed to hijack our brain.
The fact that there is no single "physical substance" only makes PMO more dangerous. The physical substance being abused in the case of PMO is our brain.
That said, we will NOT allow our brain to be abused by the pornography industry. We will NOT crave the company of pixels over our friends and families. We will NOT be a slave to witless desires that ruin our relationships and stunt our personal and professional growth. We will NOT stop yearning, striving and persevering again PMO. (from @Tomato_Bisque)

Learn from your past mistakes. Making the same mistakes will wear your resolve to fight longer. If possible, learn from the mistakes others' have made. There are far too many new mistakes that can be made than to get stuck making old ones. If you have a relapse/ reset, ask yourself "What could you have done that you didn't do which have not resulted in a relapse/reset?", then the next time you are in a similar situation, do that!

In my opinion, a required movie for everyone to watch is Groundhog Day. Why? It's a movie about a guy that relives the same day over and over until he makes changes. Many NoFap will foolishly believe you can keep repeating the same behaviors and make progress and then rack your brains wondering why you are back at Day 01. As shown in the movie, when you choose to do differently, different results will occur.

Beware of what I call the urge ambush. Urge ambushes are those times when all seems to be going well and you feel as though all is fine and then, from out of nowhere, BAM!!!! You get hit by powerful urges to PMO, not provoked by anything you have done but they, at times, can seem crippling and you really have to fight your way free from those urges. When that happens, you've been urge ambushed!

NoFap works best when you see the damage PMO has done to your life and you want to regain what you have given away.

"To have sex","just having a relationship" or "I'm tired of being a virgin", are not healthy main goals because you are potentially seeing the the other person as an object whose purpose is to satisfy you, similar to watching porn. A goal of becoming a better, healthier, confident person allows someone to notice and a new you (even if you already have a spouse or are already in a relationship) which may result in having sex or a relationship. It's more about growing as a person without PMO as results do vary.

You must renew my commitment for sobriety each day. The commitment is only valid for 24 hours. Next day you are free to make a new decision. Each day choose for sobriety. (from @alex_sober)

Flatlining... When not flatlining there are spontaneous erections and mild to powerful urges and guys want to urges (and erections) to stop because the libido is in overdrive. During a flatline season, when everything has paused, guys (women) miss their libido and want erections (sex drive) but with erections (sex drive) come the urges. It's a package deal, one doesn't come without the other. Instead of panicking and stressing about whether if will return or whether you penis still works (sex drive will return) [if you are urinating, it still works], choose to see flatlining as a calm inside the storm. Use this time to rest from battling urges and recap what strategies worked and what didn't work so well; what needs to be added and what removed from your arsenal.
When you erections (sex drive) return,and they will return, so will the urges and when they come, they may not return gradually but suddenly so be prepared. Treat flatlining like a much needed break in a marathon race.

Wet dreams are a part of the process for many. If they occur for you, they do not count as a relapse or a reset. They are only messy and annoying.

Blue balls (blue petals)... they occur and it is uncomfortable but do not allow this condition to become a hinderance because it does pass.

...the trick I used was cold showers. You could also take an ice pack and place it down there or a bag of frozen peas, etc. The cold helps to constrict the blood vessels so it slows the flow of blood to that area. I found that doing one of those things helped the best and even made the pain go away fairly quickly. (from @ILoathePorn)

You may want to take a warm bath if that doesn't work.

“...E + F + C = M. That is, Excitement plus Fatigue, plus Confusion equals Mistakes.”- Rutledge Etheridge, Agent of Destruction (from @douggie1962)

Habits form in a loop: cue - routine - reward.
Successfully changing a habit requires three things:
- identify your cues
- replace the routine with something else
- get reward from doing the new routine
You can apply this to any habit behaviour. The people who successfully beat addictions are those who have planned out every detail - they have a detailed relapse prevention strategy for dealing with triggers and urges.
Urges feel awful but it can be helpful to remember that the average urge lasts less than 10 minutes. If you can plan out something to do that's distracting for when urges hit. A walk or run is good because it gets you away from the computer and also gives reward in itself... The other thing to remember is that porn may be all you can think about if you've seen a trigger but a day or two later it'll [most likely] be forgotten again. (from @diddykong)

Fantasizing... "I realized my fantasies are not fantasies but chains - chains holding me back from real joy, real achievement, real living. A good way to know if something is good for you is how you feel after you do it. I NEVER feel better after indulging in self medication, I never feel better after fapping or giving into or dwelling on, a fantasy (and by fantasy I mean porn or fetish or unwanted fantasy -[places] that I think PMO has taken me that are disconnected from what I am really attracted to.)" (from @ivanhoe)

Keep in mind that everyone is different; the amount porn watched, the type(s) of porn watched, the span of years you have watched porn will factor into your recovery. (insert 'camming' instead of porn for those who cam) Masturbation has similar variables; the age when you began, your frequency of masturbating and the amount of edging factor into you sobriety. The point being made is results will vary so whether you choose a 30-day, 60-day or 90-day challenge, you may not see the same or similar results as another Fapstronaut and that okay. You will have to run your own race to recovery. If you reach your day of recovery and don't see enough progress, extend your challenge period. The challenges are goals to keep you going and yes, many will reach their milestone and have huge changes and others won't. It's okay either way. You won't know until you get there.

Use discretion when reading some of the claims and advice on NoFap (and the internet in general). Verify scientific claims. Not everything good is good for you.

Sexual urges and feelings of anxiety are ways that our bodies are trying to communicate to us that they want PMO. I actually think it is natural to crave PMO during NoFap. After all, sex, sleeping, eating, and having fun are all good things in the right context. Our bodies are very smart, but not very intelligent. They are good at detecting pain and pleasure, but they don't think long-term. If it was up to them, we'd be lying on the couch eating, fapping and watching endless TV shows. If you're working out, you can't just tell it that this pain is intentional; if you're doing NoFap, your body doesn't know that abstinence is actually a good thing; etc,
Our bodies are built in such an amazing way that eventually they adapt to almost anything. Unfortunately, this process takes some time. In fact, your body will probably put on a strong physical and psychological fight with you before it gives up and learns to adapt to new circumstances.
So please be patient with yourself and your body. You're doing the best you can - and you're doing a good job! And in time, your body will thank you in kind. (@lemn)

The key to overcoming any addiction is extreme self-discipline. That means treating yourself as if you are in boot camp in numerous areas in life. Forming habits like exercising, keeping a regular schedule, limiting computer time, taking cold showers, and avoiding sugar will all help you achieve your goal. It is very very difficult to break an addiction like this, and it requires action.
Speaking from personal experience, I adopted those disciplinary measures a couple months ago. I got to about 70 days and then slipped back into my lazy habits. Then I relapsed. Now I am starting again. Don't make the same mistakes that I made then. (@P__phonic)

This a journey and not a sprint. If you believe "by 'this day (date)' I need (want) to be okay", you may find yourself disappointed. Unless you began your addiction yesterday, don't expect to have complete victory by tomorrow. It takes time. We are here for you for as long as it takes.

Identifying your triggers is like hearing an early warning alarm showing you the enemy is lurking and ready to strike. Your triggers are you weak points and the PMO already exploits them so it would be wise for you to know them as well.
Your triggers will be those things that occur and you find yourself wanting to turn to PMO for escape and comfort. There are visual triggers that may be avoided but the emotional triggers are much more difficult to avoid. Here are some common emotional triggers:

Laziness

Fear

Hunger

Anger/ aggravation / frustration

Loneliness

Tiredness

Depression

Inebriation

Depression

General stress

Need for control/ feeling out of control or loss of control

Boredom

Helplessness

Here is an acronym of triggers to remember as well, SIFT:

Sensations

Images

Feelings

Thoughts

When dealing with triggers, remember to STOP!:

Stop

Take a breath

Observe feelings, sensations and thoughts

Proceed with something that will help you in the moment (i.e. coping skills)

one word : "Brilliant Techniques" Its time for me to follow each one ov these..

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Renniez Khan · Feb 24, 2017

Highlighting point 47 of this thread; the REWARD pathways in the brain works wonders....One way to do it is to make 90 boxes on White board or Paper(paste it on wall) then what u do is tick a box after 24 hrs tick another after 48 hrs and give urself a reward say after 100 hours! Reward may be your favorite food, movies, sport or anything.. and move on see if it help thanks alot ...

BigMac · Feb 24, 2017

This is a great post, DJ - thank you for compiling this list. Reading this post puts my thoughts and goals back into focus and reminds me of upcoming challenges that I lost sight of (or wasn't aware of). I'm just starting Day #23 of a Hard90 reboot and I really can't think of a better way to start this - and EVERY - day! Thanks again!

Furiosa · Feb 24, 2017

D . J . said: ↑

This will not be my official journal but this is a place on the forum where I will store all of the tips that have shared with others as well as tips I have seen others post. It is an ongoing list and will continue to grow.

[General Notes: Words in blue are links to information. The majority of the information is gender neutral but information in pink pertains more towards women but a variation may apply to men.]

Everything ain't for everybody and if something doesn't work for you or you don't agree with it... don't do it, continue reading until you find something that does.

It is very important to understand that the strategies below are to help you through the journey but it is vital that you replace your old habits with new habits so that you won't fall backwards into your old habits. When you stop watching porn and masturbating and you do not replace those habits/ activities with healthier ones, chances are great you will return to where you once found comfort and escape.

Here is a growing collection of startup strategies compiled from myself and I've added some from others on NoFap. Keep these in mind, this is by no means a be-all-end-all list of suggestions but it is a list for you to use and add to for yourself and modify to meet your needs. Check back every once in awhile because I do add to it. Also skim over the entire list because new tips may not always be added at the end of the list.

Understand that you are engaged in a war to regain the possession of the life you unknowingly gave away to PMO. It should be treated as a hostile enemy because it doesn't play fairly. By not taking this seriously or by taking this halfheartedly, you not will get very far before frustration causes you to surrender to the enemy. Be warned, failure is a part of the process. Not every battle will be won. There are many Success Stories to show that victory is possible but remember, an addict always has the opportunity to fall backwards and thus again surrendering the life you have fought so hard to regain. The battling may end soon for some but the war may last a lifetime for others. That doesn't mean there will be constant battles for life. Even in times of peace the enemy is out to still, kill and destroy you. Take up your shield and your sword and prepare for war!

Addiction... Am I really an addict?

You wonder if you really have an addiction or you "just happen to like porn/ masturbation" well, the way you know something has control over you or not is, to choose to stop doing it, at that moment, to never do it again. If the thought of that unnerves you, there's a problem, if you can't do it, you have an addiction. For an example, normal addictions everyone has are to food, water and air.

Just because you've progressed more than you initially expected on your first (or first few) tries, it doesn't make you any less of an addict than those who are struggling lots more or who have a darker history. Accepting that you're an addict is not enough, you are a serious addict, we are all serious addicts. There are no "stages" or "degree" in a PMO addiction (at least that's how your mindset needs to be). (from @ZenPhysics)

This is a marathon, not a sprint. Along the way, the addiction will talk to you, and never in a good way. It will try and joke with you. It will threaten your life, it will tell you you cannot do it, that getting clean is impossible. It will lie to you, reason with you, shout at you, scream at you, whisper to you, beg you, threaten you, blackmail you. It will tell you that it is your only true friend, the only thing in this world you can, actually, count on. You must NOT listen. This addiction is a lying [motherf****r] that you must defriend, disown, eradicate, hate, and expel from your life. If you adopt this attitude for the hard 90, you will win. You cannot beat the addiction while staying friendly with it.
It is time to get real. Reality hurts, at first. Then, later, you just become a person who eats pain like candy. Then, later, the pain recedes. Welcome to the fight... (from @WilliamOneAndDone)

Addiction acceptance means you acknowledge what you thought you were controlling is now controlling you. Once you accept you have an addiction:

Delete all of the P that you have from your computer and smartphone including the browser history and cookies. This will not stop you but will slow you down.

Here is how to block sites on iPhone and iPad Safari.

Identify your triggers. What are the things that you happening in your world to cause you to turn to PMO for escape and comfort! This is the most crucial step in the process.

Once your triggers are identified, determine healthy ways of dealing with those triggers such as exercise, running, leaving the stressful situation and going outside for air.

How to use the NoFap forums will show you how to maneuver around the NoFap site.

Newbies: List Of Reboot Resources will help understand what NoFap is about. Within this link is a link to a glossary of terms commonly used on NoFap. This will help you communicate knowledgeably and more effectively:

Go to Your Brain On Porn to learn more about the effect PMO has on you. Do this also to educate yourself on the damage you are doing to yourself.

Guard your eyes. Be careful of what you allow yourself to see. No, you cannot live with your eyes closed but you can determine how long you look at something. If you know it may cause you to fall, flee from it! Run in the other direction, sometimes that need to be literal.

When you go to the bathroom, don't take your smartphone with you. (from @countryboy94)

Be careful of visual triggers from social media. Delete accounts if necessary. (from @countryboy94)

Stop placing yourself in situations where the situation has leverage over you. That means stop placing yourself where you know you may get weak and either give in at the moment or later on.

When you see yourself beginning to be in a bad situation (ex. alone with a computer and horny), say what you feel or know you are about to do or likely to do so you can hear yourself say it. (Ex. "I'm alone in a room [with a computer] and I'm feeling lonely [or whatever the emotion is] and horny and I want to [watch watch porn and] masturbate but if I do that, I will have lost the progress I've made". By hearing you say what you are about to do, you may realize the price you pay is not worth what you will receive in return.

Be careful of porn substitutes (p-subs). Whether it is Facebook, Instagram, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition, adult comics, erotic fiction, etc., using them may eventually lead to porn and in as the name suggests, are often used as porn. You are not helping yourself by using it.

If you are a woman, seek out the other female fapstronauts in the Women in Reboot. The women community here is small but no less powerful! Seek solace among your sisters during your journey. A female AP you can rely can make all the difference. (@FlawedChristian)

Do not harden your heart against the male fapstronauts that are genuinely trying to help you (you will know them when you see them!). Many of the guys here offering advice come from a good place. (@FlawedChristian)

That being said, the report button is here for a reason. Unfortunately some male users will target you because you are a woman here. Do not respond to inappropriate questions for the sake of being nice or polite. (@FlawedChristian)

While it can feel empowering speaking up against the misogynistic or sexist comments you come across, remember to practice self-care. It's OK to leave a conversation that you feel is going nowhere. Just like PMO, harmful attitudes about women will take time to unlearn. Save some energy for yourself. (@FlawedChristian)

Even though focused on romance first, avoid rom-coms and romance novels if you need too. Just because they are not as sexually explicit doesn't mean they can't contribute to unhealthy fantasies. It's called fiction for a reason. Find your "perfect guy" in the real world. Don't live in your head. (@FlawedChristian)

Avoid sex scenes in television/movies and music with sexually explicit lyrics (@Alexandrea)

Masturbation... do not keep your hands to yourself. Unless you are bathing, changing your underwear or actually using the bathroom, your hands should be nowhere near your penis. YOU ARE BANNED FROM TOUCHING YOUR PENIS (VAGINA) FOR RECREATION!!! IT IS NOT A TOY!!!

IF YOU ENGAGE IN PRONE MASTURBATION (masturbation while on your stomach) STOP THIS BEHAVIOR NOW!!! YOU ARE HARMING YOURSELF!!!

Edging - Masturbation without ejaculation or to prolong the act of ejaculation, so if you have been edging, you have been masturbating, they are the same thing [to those who know this, there are too many who seem to see these as two separate actions or issues... they are not.]

Your bed is limited to only the time you are sleeping. No laying in bed other than that. As soon you awake, you should get out of bed. Can't sleep, if awake for more than a few minutes, get out of bed until you are sleepy enough to go to sleep.

Keep doors open unless necessary. You need to be isolated as little as possible. You're less likely to M when people can see you.

Keep curtains and blinds open as much as possible. Similar reason as above and also allows light inside. Many times M'ing is more likely in dark places.

At night, keep lights on as often as possible. Similar to above, lights on may lessen your desire to fap.

If you are a naked sleeper or a boxer sleeper, consider sleeping in a in jockstrap, cup or briefs or compression shorts, something more constrictive so that you are less likely to feel movement while falling asleep or when awaking. They may provide a better barrier to prevent those that subconsciously reach for their penis at night or in the morning. They may also be a visual barrier for those that have morning erections too irresistible to not touch.

Many have found cold and short showers beneficial for temptations control.

If you have a faith, lean into it. Allow it to strengthen you in times of weakness. Many of us have gained strength in our weakest moments due to our faith. There are several spiritual and religious groups that are on NoFap dedicated to allow a person to gain additional encouragement and strength through prayer, scripture.

There are other social groups as well which support those looking for a specific community of similar interests.

Consider seeking an accountability partner. We in the forum will help you but some may become stronger with one or a few to keep them accountable.

Never agree with your temptation. (@mvp35lusanity)

Begin a journal so that others can encourage you and connect with you.To create a journal, go to the Reboot Logs, find your age group, begin a thread. That thread is your journal. Go back to your first post and place a link to your new journal there so people can find you can follow you.

For those who want a counter, click on this link. (NOTE: There have been issues with the counter and it may not work properly)

Become active in this community. The more active you are, the less time you will spend focused on you. The less time focused solely on you, the faster time goes. There is an old saying, "a watched pot of water doesn't boil any faster", which means for this example, focusing solely on yourself and your issues won't make them go away sooner. It's OK to track progress but when spending more time doing other things that were once important to you and encouraging others, you will notice the time of your sobriety will go so much faster than if you didn't.

Each one, teach one means for each person who has been helped, consider teaching another person from his or her own experiences.

Whatever you feed will grow and whatever you starve will eventually die! Each time you PMO you feed the addiction, each time you resist, you starve the addiction.

[Advice and rant] Along your journey, reflect back to who you were but don't go backwards! What I mean is don't fight to gain a week or a month or 6 months sobriety then waste the progress by "checking to see if my penis (vagina) still works because I've been flatlining and I haven't been horny in awhile". Really? That is only a lie you are telling yourself to MO. If it didn't work, you would feel nothing at all, even when urinating. Seriously! You cannot have it both ways! You cannot complain when you are always horny and then complain when your not horny at all. Consider it a NoFap resting station. Keep moving forward.

Similarly, don't decide to "watch P to see if you are still affected by it! If you have been watching P for a year... 5 years... 10, 20. 30 years, what makes you think being sober for a week to 6 months is going to override all of the years you've been watching P. Think about it! [Note: For those of you who are new to this forum, the previous two may be lies you tell yourself while in recovery. These two may seem crazy and you may think this is common sense but too many have admitted to one of or both of these situations. This is how powerful the addiction can be. Don't allow yourself to fall into this trap of the enemy called a brain addicted to PMO].

PMO is not a need; it is not analogous to our needs for sex and relationships and food. PMO is an addiction; a drug. It is an artificial construct; asimulation designed to hijack our brain.
The fact that there is no single "physical substance" only makes PMO more dangerous. The physical substance being abused in the case of PMO is our brain.
That said, we will NOT allow our brain to be abused by the pornography industry. We will NOT crave the company of pixels over our friends and families. We will NOT be a slave to witless desires that ruin our relationships and stunt our personal and professional growth. We will NOT stop yearning, striving and persevering again PMO. (from @Tomato_Bisque)

Learn from your past mistakes. Making the same mistakes will wear your resolve to fight longer. If possible, learn from the mistakes others' have made. There are far too many new mistakes that can be made than to get stuck making old ones. If you have a relapse/ reset, ask yourself "What could you have done that you didn't do which have not resulted in a relapse/reset?", then the next time you are in a similar situation, do that!

In my opinion, a required movie for everyone to watch is Groundhog Day. Why? It's a movie about a guy that relives the same day over and over until he makes changes. Many NoFap will foolishly believe you can keep repeating the same behaviors and make progress and then rack your brains wondering why you are back at Day 01. As shown in the movie, when you choose to do differently, different results will occur.

Beware of what I call the urge ambush. Urge ambushes are those times when all seems to be going well and you feel as though all is fine and then, from out of nowhere, BAM!!!! You get hit by powerful urges to PMO, not provoked by anything you have done but they, at times, can seem crippling and you really have to fight your way free from those urges. When that happens, you've been urge ambushed!

NoFap works best when you see the damage PMO has done to your life and you want to regain what you have given away.

"To have sex","just having a relationship" or "I'm tired of being a virgin", are not healthy main goals because you are potentially seeing the the other person as an object whose purpose is to satisfy you, similar to watching porn. A goal of becoming a better, healthier, confident person allows someone to notice and a new you (even if you already have a spouse or are already in a relationship) which may result in having sex or a relationship. It's more about growing as a person without PMO as results do vary.

You must renew my commitment for sobriety each day. The commitment is only valid for 24 hours. Next day you are free to make a new decision. Each day choose for sobriety. (from @alex_sober)

Flatlining... When not flatlining there are spontaneous erections and mild to powerful urges and guys want to urges (and erections) to stop because the libido is in overdrive. During a flatline season, when everything has paused, guys (women) miss their libido and want erections (sex drive) but with erections (sex drive) come the urges. It's a package deal, one doesn't come without the other. Instead of panicking and stressing about whether if will return or whether you penis still works (sex drive will return) [if you are urinating, it still works], choose to see flatlining as a calm inside the storm. Use this time to rest from battling urges and recap what strategies worked and what didn't work so well; what needs to be added and what removed from your arsenal.
When you erections (sex drive) return,and they will return, so will the urges and when they come, they may not return gradually but suddenly so be prepared. Treat flatlining like a much needed break in a marathon race.

Wet dreams are a part of the process for many. If they occur for you, they do not count as a relapse or a reset. They are only messy and annoying.

Blue balls (blue petals)... they occur and it is uncomfortable but do not allow this condition to become a hinderance because it does pass.

...the trick I used was cold showers. You could also take an ice pack and place it down there or a bag of frozen peas, etc. The cold helps to constrict the blood vessels so it slows the flow of blood to that area. I found that doing one of those things helped the best and even made the pain go away fairly quickly. (from @ILoathePorn)

You may want to take a warm bath if that doesn't work.

“...E + F + C = M. That is, Excitement plus Fatigue, plus Confusion equals Mistakes.”- Rutledge Etheridge, Agent of Destruction (from @douggie1962)

Habits form in a loop: cue - routine - reward.
Successfully changing a habit requires three things:
- identify your cues
- replace the routine with something else
- get reward from doing the new routine
You can apply this to any habit behaviour. The people who successfully beat addictions are those who have planned out every detail - they have a detailed relapse prevention strategy for dealing with triggers and urges.
Urges feel awful but it can be helpful to remember that the average urge lasts less than 10 minutes. If you can plan out something to do that's distracting for when urges hit. A walk or run is good because it gets you away from the computer and also gives reward in itself... The other thing to remember is that porn may be all you can think about if you've seen a trigger but a day or two later it'll [most likely] be forgotten again. (from @diddykong)

Fantasizing... "I realized my fantasies are not fantasies but chains - chains holding me back from real joy, real achievement, real living. A good way to know if something is good for you is how you feel after you do it. I NEVER feel better after indulging in self medication, I never feel better after fapping or giving into or dwelling on, a fantasy (and by fantasy I mean porn or fetish or unwanted fantasy -[places] that I think PMO has taken me that are disconnected from what I am really attracted to.)" (from @ivanhoe)

Keep in mind that everyone is different; the amount porn watched, the type(s) of porn watched, the span of years you have watched porn will factor into your recovery. (insert 'camming' instead of porn for those who cam) Masturbation has similar variables; the age when you began, your frequency of masturbating and the amount of edging factor into you sobriety. The point being made is results will vary so whether you choose a 30-day, 60-day or 90-day challenge, you may not see the same or similar results as another Fapstronaut and that okay. You will have to run your own race to recovery. If you reach your day of recovery and don't see enough progress, extend your challenge period. The challenges are goals to keep you going and yes, many will reach their milestone and have huge changes and others won't. It's okay either way. You won't know until you get there.

Use discretion when reading some of the claims and advice on NoFap (and the internet in general). Verify scientific claims. Not everything good is good for you.

Sexual urges and feelings of anxiety are ways that our bodies are trying to communicate to us that they want PMO. I actually think it is natural to crave PMO during NoFap. After all, sex, sleeping, eating, and having fun are all good things in the right context. Our bodies are very smart, but not very intelligent. They are good at detecting pain and pleasure, but they don't think long-term. If it was up to them, we'd be lying on the couch eating, fapping and watching endless TV shows. If you're working out, you can't just tell it that this pain is intentional; if you're doing NoFap, your body doesn't know that abstinence is actually a good thing; etc,
Our bodies are built in such an amazing way that eventually they adapt to almost anything. Unfortunately, this process takes some time. In fact, your body will probably put on a strong physical and psychological fight with you before it gives up and learns to adapt to new circumstances.
So please be patient with yourself and your body. You're doing the best you can - and you're doing a good job! And in time, your body will thank you in kind. (@lemn)

The key to overcoming any addiction is extreme self-discipline. That means treating yourself as if you are in boot camp in numerous areas in life. Forming habits like exercising, keeping a regular schedule, limiting computer time, taking cold showers, and avoiding sugar will all help you achieve your goal. It is very very difficult to break an addiction like this, and it requires action.
Speaking from personal experience, I adopted those disciplinary measures a couple months ago. I got to about 70 days and then slipped back into my lazy habits. Then I relapsed. Now I am starting again. Don't make the same mistakes that I made then. (@P__phonic)

This a journey and not a sprint. If you believe "by 'this day (date)' I need (want) to be okay", you may find yourself disappointed. Unless you began your addiction yesterday, don't expect to have complete victory by tomorrow. It takes time. We are here for you for as long as it takes.

Identifying your triggers is like hearing an early warning alarm showing you the enemy is lurking and ready to strike. Your triggers are you weak points and the PMO already exploits them so it would be wise for you to know them as well.
Your triggers will be those things that occur and you find yourself wanting to turn to PMO for escape and comfort. There are visual triggers that may be avoided but the emotional triggers are much more difficult to avoid. Here are some common emotional triggers:

Laziness

Fear

Hunger

Anger/ aggravation / frustration

Loneliness

Tiredness

Depression

Inebriation

Depression

General stress

Need for control/ feeling out of control or loss of control

Boredom

Helplessness

Here is an acronym of triggers to remember as well, SIFT:

Sensations

Images

Feelings

Thoughts

When dealing with triggers, remember to STOP!:

Stop

Take a breath

Observe feelings, sensations and thoughts

Proceed with something that will help you in the moment (i.e. coping skills)

Click to expand...

Thanks.

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