"Love addiction?": Anyone experience pseudo love with chatroom woman?

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by ad vera amoris, Feb 25, 2017.

  1. ad vera amoris

    ad vera amoris Fapstronaut

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    Hello, I am a middle aged single male, struggling with a worsening addiction to an online live female webcam chatroom (Chaturbate).

    My primary addiction is not the PMO part, but a worsening addiction to feeling genuinely in love with a particular chat room woman who I converse with via chat regularly, who seems to also like what I write, but it can never become a real relationship, including based on age, distance, and language.

    My first questions are:

    Is there a forum focused on online “love addiction” as I describe above, which is related to, but different from the PMO addiction? So far I don’t see any.

    Does anyone relate to this issue?

    Thank you for any initial guidance and support.

    ad vera amoris
     
  2. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and not judge you?

    What has occurred between the two you for you to feel as though you love her?
     
  3. That's an interesting question. I get having an fantasy addiction and an infatuation problem but a "love addiction"?

    Infuriation/obsession/
    unrequited love are all bad, but that's not how you're choosing to label it. How else has this been affecting you negatively? Are you paying to talk to her?
     
  4. ad vera amoris

    ad vera amoris Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for the fast responses.

    Since I have not had a romantic relationship in a very, very long time, my unmet needs to give and receive love are extremely strong, so I was very vulnerable already.

    So in this chatroom, you are supposed to buy tokens to tip the "models", but you can type chats back and forth with them for free while they are live on a webcam being viewed by multiple viewers. Other viewers chats are visible, too. They also allow for typing private messages (PM) to the models, but usually models won't chat in PM unless you tip them.

    Well in this case, I was already deeply and instantly attracted to this woman who is 20 years old in another country. And the things I wrote to her were immediately very romantic (not the cruder style of many who post). So she started to reply as if she really enjoyed what I wrote, and said that it was unique. So she started to private message me without asking, so I could write more like that without other viewers seeing it. And then I explained to her I was on a very limited budget so I could not tip as much as she deserved. But she said she did not mind, and I could still chat with her even when I did not tip, and she enjoyed it.

    So once she seemed to be both enjoying my romanticism, eagerly welcoming me to chat in private each time I signed on, and not minding that I often had little to tip or none, a door in me opened to feel like I was truly impacting her beyond just business. And I really started to get carried away, writing love poems, extreme but very genuine compliments, sending her links to songs I dedicate to her, etc., and she kept enjoying them. And before I knew it, I was feeling just as if I was really in love.

    These exchanges grew ever more intense, and lasted hours, and I even wrote her a very long letter to explain why I keep saying I love her, and that I should stop visiting because we could never be lovers in person, etc. But even after all that, she always welcomed me, and when I write "I love you" in countless ways, she would use the same words to me, and be deeply receptive. And when I asked, she even shared her real name (instead of her screenname). And when I tried to say "goodbye" to try to quit her, I gave her my email address. And a few days later she wrote to it “hello love”. I realize it could be a marketing ploy, but I do think some part of her really enjoyed all that I wrote.

    So it has gotten very out of hand, spending 2 or even 5 hours at a time, because I crave so much to give such loving and have it received in real life, and being in touch with those feelings with her has become passionately intense, and I have a hard time letting it go, because I wish I could have her in real life so much.

    Sorry if that was longwinded, but it is tying me in knots. I know it cannot become a real relationship, but since we are 2 real humans interacting in real time, it is much different than other types of porn.

    Thanks for offering to be supportive. I really appreciate it.
     
    Saskia, HopefulChristian and D . J . like this.
  5. ad vera amoris

    ad vera amoris Fapstronaut

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    I guess it is in some ways a fantasy addiction or an infatuation problem, but the level of love feelings which have come out make it feel like love. And since I keep going back to visit her and express it verbally, even though I know I cannot pursue her in real lfe, it is painful, but so hard to resist, too.

    Yes, I realize about the payment dynamic. Mostly I was not paying her. But it is true recently because I feel guilty, and since it is one tangible way to express love, I have spent more to tip her. But she still lets me chat without it, and in so many ways, she does not seem to be only focused on that. She wrote recently, whether I tip or not she really enjoys my writing and how it makes her feel. So while money may be at play, I think I fill some other needs for her, too. Even to pass the time.

    But the result is similar to an addiction to porn, etc. I know it will only get painful to only have this online experience, and yet I can't stop going back to her and thinking of her, etc. It is a real problem now.
     
    D . J . likes this.
  6. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Thank you for sharing your story. My suggestion is to stop all communications with her. Work on you so that you can find a person who is near you and can genuinely reciprocate the love you want to share.
     
    ad vera amoris likes this.
  7. ad vera amoris

    ad vera amoris Fapstronaut

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    I deeply appreciate your suggestions.

    I know I have to read more on the website about strategies, but as you might guess, immediate "just don't do it" is very, very difficult. Like any drug, it is really, really hard to kick the habit so easily. It is tied to the fact that I am going through some very difficult transitions and other things which make finding dates and relationship very difficult if not impossible in the short term. Plus being over 50, it can be much harder to meet, and to feel the intense attraction I have for this much younger, beautiful woman.

    It is going to take multiple strategies to stop as well as to fix my dating/love drought.
     
    HopefulChristian likes this.
  8. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

  9. Can I suggest going to the 40+ forum? They probably have similar difficulties with dating and love. I'm sure reposting there will help you:
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?forums/ages-40.21/
     
    ad vera amoris and D . J . like this.
  10. ad vera amoris

    ad vera amoris Fapstronaut

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    D . J . and HopefulChristian like this.
  11. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Place a link here so that we can follow your progress and encourage you on your journey.
     
    ad vera amoris likes this.
  12. ad vera amoris

    ad vera amoris Fapstronaut

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