Thoughts on ED and Performance Anxiety...Tips anyone?

Kissing and cuddling is not sex. They are the romantic part of your relationships, so don't be desperate if you don't get rock hard erection from them.

It is rather obvious that the main obstacle to the real life sexual pleasure is your fear and focusing on absolutely wrong things.

And you won't overcome this fear by telling or even screaming to your penis - "come on, get up!".......instead.....all you have to do is to visualize your sexual contact before real sex............what are those things that you really would like to do with your girlfriend and that would give you the biggest arousal........how you would like to kiss her - would it be gentle, nasty or playful kiss or sequence of all three....how you would like to look at her....how you would like to look in her eyes......what words you would like to tell her.....with what intonation.....how you would like to show your admiration about your girlfriend's body when you undress her......how you would like to touch her....where you would like to touch her.....how you would like to do her......with what intensity.....etc......if you will visualize this all several times before sex......your fear still will be there......but in dramatically smaller amounts........because you'll already know what to do.......

And the most important thing....in each and every moment of sex you must only think (or more precisely - feel deep inside of you) what is the next action that will bring you the biggest sexual pleasure......and just do it......

 

Hey, I just wanted to tell you that I recognize everything you said. I also have performance anxiety and that makes it extremely hard for me to get wet. Even before going to see someone I'm worrying "will I be able to get wet enough?", and even when we're kissing I'm feeling myself to check whether I'm already wet and I panic when that's not the case (which is practically always). And I panic when they move their hands in my pants because I feel like they want to check how horny I am and that stresses me out. As a girl at least I can use spit or lube, but it's obvious. The guy knows and it's humiliating. I also don't know anymore what really turns me on. I think what would help me now is just... nothing. Rebooting and then seeing how my body will react to real life situations. I hope you're feeling better already. I wish you all the best and good luck on your journey.

 

If you have an understanding partner, be grateful.

Perhaps simply kiss each other, focusing on the element of foreplay and feeling each other all over, though not escalating to sex or stimulation.

I've found with my on/off performance anxiety, kissing has been a gateway that I've long neglected, but thoroughly enjoy during intimacy.

 

Thank you so much, it's the first time I feel like the advice I get is specifically for my situation. I have never been able to talk about this. I'm so glad for you that your issue has disappeared almost completely. Your advice makes it clearer for me what I should do. First of all, I should stop having sex with people I don't really feel much for. Second of all, stop watching porn and masturbating. I've been having a lot of urges recently, and just having these urges I get wet. I shouldn't be thinking about whether it would be wet enough. If I have sex (which probably won't be anytime soon) I'll try to just live in the moment, think about what I like, and I hope I'll be able to trust my body to do the rest.

Thanks also for what you said about if a girl told you she has trouble relaxing. It really is a comfort for me. Sharing my 'problem' and my partner understanding that would definitely help me to relax. Thank you so much again. I'm looking forward to really enjoying sex again!

 

I'm going to tell you an experience I had and I sill don't understand it very well, but I think it may help.

I definitely have PIED. But for almost 2 years I could have normal health sex with my ex GF without struggle. Today Im single and back with PIED and perform anxiety.

I try to remember how I managed to get hard in the past and one thing I can tell for sure: I didn't think much. I just acted impulsively. It was something beyond thoughts, more like an instinct.

I think thats what reboot does. It brings your natural instinct of reproducing back to normal.

Well, I know is hard to understand, but sometimes being racional doesn't actually help.

Keep rebooting and go slow with self-demands. Enjoy your apprehensible partner.

TIP:Forget you need a dick for pleasuring a lady (believe me dude).

 

Ah man I literally suffer from the same exact thing as you but minus the girlfriend and just add whatever current female I'd be talking to. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! just wanted to tell you that. I get so nervous when I am with a woman I like that it's literallt All I think about we'll be kissing taking off our clothes and I'm here like "damn why is my dick not hard yet damn what if she wants to have sex right away damn what if it gets hadd but doesn't stay that way." It helps to know others fight the same battle so just letting u know
Also I found that upping things in the bedroom helps temporally what I mean is let's say you are not used to using dirty word you may try it and move it up a notch which creates a new kink in ur brain thus turning you on.
The only drawback to this is that it is temp as i just said and you'll start defaulting to only that

 

this is so true a great way to help with anexity ED is to just let your body go to it's primal state don't question anything just let it flow