On being a 26yr virgin

The reality is that you have to be heavy handed aggressive but don't be a harrasser too.

If you don't have much contact with women, you may have to use the Internet.

It's like fishing in depleted waters. You go out and you don't catch any fish. But if a fisherman keeps at it more aggressively and goes out to different waters, he will get something.

It's a lot to do with probability rather than being a Don Giovanni. The more you make an effort, the better your probability rate.

Also, you may have to target fat girls or girls who are considered the runts of the pick. You may also have to try a girl that is a different race too to increase you chances. Or women who come from much lower income neighborhoods.

If all else fails, you may have to go on line and try to date divorced women in their 40s and 50s on the dating sites. Older women tend to be more desperate and consider themselves as like 2nd class citizens in the dating world.

 

@Waldo101 wins the award for the most unromantic post ever. No offense, may be it's true - but instead of trying to find the most desperate woman, you might as well go see a hooker. And @NotSoAverageJoe, do not only think about getting laid, but also about how you want it. Since I started NoFap I am slowly coming to notice that I don't want any casual sex at all anymore. I'm 27. I haven't kissed a girl in (soon) 3 years.

Try to make the best out of your life. So, you have a pacemaker... how much is your disease influencing your everyday life compared to other people?

I have a friend with a bowel disease. He is often ill and has to cancel his appointments with friends. He might need an artificial anus at some point, but nevertheless he lives together with a loving girlfriend.

 

I know pain and loneliness and how PMO can be used, unsuccessfully of course, to fill the void. You won't go insane if you don't get laid. And you won't get rid of loneliness by getting laid. It could actually make it worse.

If you want a close relationship with a woman then keep working on improving yourself and becoming more comfortable with being alone. When you aren't comfortable being alone you'll attract desperate women because you are desperate. They won't help with your loneliness at all. The relationship you have with them will be based on using each other. It will be unfulfilling and may hurt you.

When you are ready, because you've gotten yourself fixed up, start getting involved in activities or going to places where you'll meet quality women. In other words, don't think you'll find a good relationship from hitting on drunk girls at bars. Frequent places where you find good women who'll want a good man.

 

Of course, my post does not sound romantic because the the OP was seeking to break his virginity.

Also, my advice is definitely not the same as getting a hooker.

You can still find a meaningful relationship with desperate women. They are people too. It's not like looking for a one night stand with a hooker.

 

Yeah, I must admit I kind of forgot how the "virginity spell" feels, and may be my post was a bit too generalizing. Anyway, the OP has to decide for himself what to do.

 

I see where you come from (I'm actually virgin too with 22y), but don't you think that while you were virgin that long time, you better want to "end" this with a person you can really trust and can proudly say that it happened with this person? Like you happened to be virgin for so long, don't you want to do it with someone really special?

I know that's a very romantic thought and maybe even unrealistic, but when I think about my first time having sex, I don't want to think about some girl I met one time or smth. I want this person to be the person I love (how and if the relationship will last for a long time is another question). Therefore having one night stands or the urge to have sex with anyone/stranger, never were thinkable for me (also because I'm a shy, maybe even anxious, person and could never even think about that. I have to trust the person). Of course I would like to have sex as soon as possible, I'm embarassed about being virgin. But on the other hand.. I don't want to throw this thing away and just have sex with a person I don't even know

It's just the way I see it.. of course this is easier said than done

Do you think getting laid will serve this problem? I don't think so actually.. maybe you should really focuse more on finding the right person, meeting people and finding friends in general. If it's just about sex, you could also pay some money and it's done. But I don't think it'll help you. You really should focuse on having people around you, who care about you, before thanking about getting laid

 

I'm a virgin too (21 years). I understand your choice and hope that you will succeed.
I'm less optimistic than you. At our age, we already miss the "teenager love" (i've never have a girlfriend or kiss) and the chances to find love are thins (at least in my case). So the first girl i will encounter has great chance to make me lost my virginity (not any but almost any).

Plus, the first time is most of time bad and some people forget it so..

The only thing that prevent me to got the prostitutes is the cost.
Sorry for my english.

 

Thanks I can understand your point.. it's the same for me (no gf/no kiss)


I always was kind of a romantic guy (obviously didn't help me lol).. but like I said, there is no way for me that it will happen to a person I don't know well.. even if it takes some years. Currently I'm seeing someone, who seems very nice and kind.. so I'm quite positive at the moment tho. But I just don't want to rush it

 

Orangeraie, I totally disagree with you. Sex is not something to use to make you feel pleasure. Sexual relationships is like "la cerise sur le gâteau", the last thing you want to share with someone you totally feel in confidence, with whom you want to share your life for ever and then your intimacy. It is not a question of beoing a virgin or not, of missing the teenager's love. Do not idealize too much sexual relationships, it is not like in porn movies! Very far from that, it is the way you show your love to someone. And there is nothing more beautiful to tell someone: "I was waiting for you, we have known each other for long enough to give you my virginity and you are the only one of my entire life with whom I want to share it".

 

This. Omg my first time was horrible!

Anyway, I think it's wrong to hire a prostitute in OP's situation but... if virginity really bothers him he should do it. @NotSoAverageJoe and all other virgins: remember you could have sex today if you wanted to. Don't panic about it. Whatever you do, don't be like Elliot Rodgers and shoot people.

 

I don't really agree. Yes, the main point of sex is to share it with someone you're in love.

Someone saying : « I was waiting for you, we have known each other for long enough to give you my virginity and you are the only one of my entire life with whom I want to share it »Indeed, it's beautiful but when it's mutual and made in innocence.
Otherwise, it's only someone with retarded ignition (like me) and in that case virginity lost her value. Beauty of losing virginity is in innocence.

Losing my virginity is only for the sake of knowledge. Finding love is an other thing.

 

Good thing he's not gay.

 

The problem here isn't about sex itself. The problem is that you aren't really being intimate with people (men and women along). We tend to cover a emotional (non-physical) need with a material (physical) "fix". Premarital sex is dangerous (I can share few scientific references in order to proof that), in terms of emotional breakdown. Sex won't fill the void, actually could become worse. So, I'm 24 y/o, still virgin, and not because of lack of situations giving opportunity to have sex, rather from my beliefs. So well, yes, waiting for the right mate sound great, and actually not so unrealistic at all.

However, you must to develop confidence, because if you find someone who could really love you but she isn't virgin, well... you need to be very aware about your thought process in order to choose between to be with her or not (because her memories could lead you downhill). So everything relies in your own way to see the thing. And actually, being virgin is an advantage. You are subconciously telling people that you have A LOT MORE self-control than them, and that is a sign of leadership.

 

Hey! I hear you. I'm 43 and a technical virgin. I have suffered with DE forever so although I have had sex with women it's just gone on interminably without end and then later on I suffered with ED and couldn't even get hard so when I have rebooted I will be in the same position as you in relation to women.

The trick is we have to just take each day at a time and sometimes go from moment to moment with this but as we recover we will become much more attractive people and others will be naturally drawn to us. You will meet someone and she will be glad to have you in her life and something like that will be nothing to her. They will guide you through the process and it will be fine. If you stress out on this then you will relapse, it's as simple as that. Take every ounce of stress and worry that you can from your life and concentrate on getting well and recovering and in time everything will fall into place.

I have spoken to people who have recovered from fapping and they say they develop a f#ck you attitude to the world where they stop caring about small things and although what you're feeling right now seems big it's not. A future partner will be happy to show your the ropes so you can have lots of fun together in that regard. You WILL get laid and a have a whole lot more things besides. To be honest, the thought of having sex and releasing into someone without some kind of crutch is terrifying but I know that it will happen in time and with the right person for me it will be okay. Maybe I'll bawl my eyes out and she will have to hold me after. I don't know and it's okay. You will be fine, as will I. Best of luck to you not that you'll need it. Stay strong. Keep the quit.

 

Warning: I'm probably going to sound really edgy and possibly immature, but I gotta get this out of my chest. I apologize in advance. I swear I'm better than this. It's just that these kind of talks really trigger me. Again, sorry for the upcoming rant...

Holy s**t this stuff crushes my morale. My instincts tell me life shouldn't be like this. I asked pretty much anybody I know who has a partner and all of them told me It happened to them. Like they just met and stuff played out pretty much effortlessly. I know people always lie, but I'm starting to have doubts.
Am I supposed to enjoy spending 100% of my weekends (at least) throwing myself into this insane darwinistic probability race? Because I sure as hell don't. There's gotta be something I'm missing. Do I really have to keep on hitting on every single passable girl until one takes pity? I already have really low standards, should I just go for outright ugly women?
It's all really tiresome, depressing. I'm 22, virgin, and frankly tired of being alone. What's wrong with me? I don't understand. What makes me so unlikeable? I've always been shy but I try my best to smile and say hello to people, I'm fit (imagine the standard competitive swimmer body). Is not being a social butterfly really that much of a deal breaker? I look at myself in the mirror and I see nothing wrong. I am happy with my looks. I don't have that aggressive-hot-boy-confidence; is that socially unacceptable, like a fundamental requirement, the lack of which makes you untouchable?
I just don't understand. Maybe it's because I have no money. But what am I supposed to do? I'm still in university. My parents lend me money for food, not for fooling around.
This s**t is nightmare fuel I tell ya. All I know is that 100% of the people I know managed a to get a girlfriend/boyfriend, even just a very short period, before 18. From the ugliest to the most handsome of my friends, none is still a virgin. Forget relapsing into pmo, this shit makes me want to relapse into shoving razor blades in my arm.

Anyways, I hope I wasn't off topic. This looked like a good thread to vomit some off that pent up frustration out. It's especially bad right now because I haven't been exercising for a week due to injury. Thanks for reading, if you got down here.

 

It is not easy, and it has not gotten any easier. I remember when I Love Lucy portrayed her and her husband going to bed together in separate beds, because they could not shoe them together in a double bed on TV. They could not even show underarms in deodorant or shaving commercials. Sexual pressures have multiplied in my lifetime. That multiplication of soft and hard porn, along with innuendos, direct comments, and advertising has not improved our sexual experience, it has just lead us to think even less of ourselves. We are upset because we are virgins, or we are upset with the condition of our partners, and we are upset with our poor performance. We are not going to be idealized porn stars with perfect partners and screaming photogenic orgasms, but we can have something better. We can be in love.

I was a 27 year old virgin when I married. I had told one girl, "No thank you." And I probably lost another girlfriend or two because I didn't put out, or take in, or whatever the functional equivalent of put out should be for a male. There just was not enough love there, and saw no real benefit in just doing it to do it. I knew locker room brags were locker room lies, and I had no interest in kiss and tell. It was also nice to never worry about STI's. But, I did not have today's internet pressures.

 

I find the first part of what you said to be true as well from what I've seen.

 

There is nothing wrong with you, except for possibly being more gullible than you need to be. Every locker room brag should be doubted. When anybody talks about their dating experiences, truth will flex with the audience.
People lie, and they are best at lying to themselves about how easy it was, what ever the "it" was. I remember when we had been trying for years to have a child. A young couple told us about trying for 6 years for the little baby boy they had. They made it all sound so easy. I know that it could not have been easy for them, and it certainly wasn't for us. When we conceived, all that we went through faded behind our joy with our son. My wife took her temperature nearly every day for almost ten years. I had to be ready to perform at the best time of the most fertile day, no matter what was going on. I remember one cycle that it came in the middle of our serving at a youth camp with constant activity, occasional emergencies, and everyone needing attention. We quit counting the monthly funerals as our hope got flushed away. From where we stand now, it wasn't all that bad, and we can laugh about it.
You can imagine how courtships go the same way. Everyone struggles with what to say, what to text, accidentally hitting send, what to wear, what to eat, where to go, where do I put my hand . . . It does not just happen naturally for anybody who cares for the person that they are with and trying to impress. A beginning relationship is too easy to break. Even a person with lots of experience does not have experience with this new person, and they do not react like any of the others did.
If you can get anybody talking about their problems with getting together, you will have plenty to laugh at and sympathize with.
That being said, it helps if you can avoid taking yourself too seriously, relax and enjoy the moment as best you can. I was a 27 year old virgin, and had managed to enjoy most of those years, but there were times when I repeatedly replayed the what's wrong with me song.