A story of many... (My 90 days contribution)

This is a story of many ...

You are tired and sick of what you are doing, you are feeling shame and guilt, you are feeling weak because you have drained your body of its essence, your bones crack, muscles hurt, you are worried about your health, your future, potential opportunities, feeling emtionless and numb, social awkwardness, can't focus nor you have the best memory out there, eyes hurting, mind busy thinking but working in vain because its consumed up in worthlinessness.
So you decide .. No more .. !
You quit for a day, for a two, but fall again.. You are still trapped in the chaser effect zone...
You try again for full four long days, and fall again. You are angry and upset, and think you can't make further, but you gather up some strength and and go for a week, but now its weekends, you have accomplished something... and you need a reward; your mind tells you. Then you fall, and just argue about your stupidity with your self 5 seconds later of the quick pleasuring moments, and then start a long journey of regret ......... but maybe not !
You gather up some strength again, a week and a two, then weekends become your new enemy because you are determined to quit, but you haven't identified your triggers. You set a plan: "AVOID sights at all costs". You are very determined now, 1, 2, 3 and 4 weeks. Again your mind pleas for a reward, and reward it gets or so it thinks. Your conscious mind comes back to reality on the crime you have committed on behalf of yourself once again, but it goes darker than ever now.. You've gone so far this time but still fall?
A new plan is needed, you figure it out... You can't just depend on will power and a motive that may soon fade... I need discipline this time! Time to add some root changes to your life, and you are being backed up by this dim of hope and faith "I did it before, I reached one month", I can do it again and I can go further this time.
Forward in time, Its day 45. You're doing your best in the field, fighting left and right, but flatlines, withdrawal symptoms hit on you.. feeling depressed at some times, joyful at other. Its the ultimate test now, you keep going forward, swallowing in all the disappointments deep in your soul and burying them.. feeling the pain, but you keep going.
You got there day 60 now. All these experiences had prepared you for the final stage. "Im going forward, and I'm not going to look back". And you start feeling the joy of life, your brain is healing, no you can't give this up anymore.
Now everyday that comes, is making you closer than ever to your goal. Now is the moment of truth..... 90 days! You did it, you finally did it!! You set your wings free! You've reached what you always thought was impossible. Its not the end of the journey yet, but you come to admire this whole journey.. the struggle, all these battles inside you.. that ended up with you winning at the end. Your building your new life on the ashes of the past, you have put some solid foundations that will last forever. It's the pain, You will always remember it, and always cherish it. Because it has turned you to who you are now. You have conquered your flaws and weaknesses, and you've learned from them.

And what's there now in the horizon, is just a dawn of a new day and a new life.

 

Thanks Bro.
And I know what you feel, I'm feeling the same. But I'm turning that pain into strength and joy. So it won't chase me forever.
Hopefully the coming months will bring more benefits. I'm sure of it.

 

Thanks, this means alot to me!
Without this community, I'd have still been lost for more time of my life. And I'm glad to it, I'm trying to give a hand back to those who gave me their hands when I needed, and to others who are just beginning their journey.
Let's all stick to each other, help everyone out of that hole.

 

Wow, truly amazing! These kinds of posts really help out when struggling with urges. Keep up the good work and keep inspiring us.

 

Congratulations!!
You've described very well about your journey in short words.

 

Congratulations!

 

Congratulations bro, proud of you!

 

Amazing!!!

 

Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement

 

Glad Thanks

 

Awesome post. So much captured in just a few lines! Loved it. Love your journey. Truly inspiring and moving. Moments we've all been in, are going through or will experience! Thank you for this blessing this morning!

 

Thanks man