Introduction

Hello! I've been struggling with pornography for 18 years now. It's not a major problem but it's a big enough problem to cause problems with my marriage. I can usually go some time without viewing porn, but I have trouble with justifying other viewings like watching things I find on Youtube or Instagram. I hope to be able to quit that as well. I also believe that porn has impacted the way I view women. I would like to be able to have less lustful thoughts. I also have some stashes of downloaded porn I have trouble getting rid of.

I will define needing a reboot if I view Porn, or anything on YouTube. I will be very careful, and if I start looking at thing on Instagram I might need a reboot.

I have been masturbating almost to the point of orgasm, and I think that should still count as needing a reboot if it happens. I will try not to stimulate myself.

I hope this doesn't count as a cross post, but this is also the first post in my Reboot log.

 

I am open to suggestions. My only strategy so far has been 'white knuckling' it. I think that if I work on interrupting my bad patterns of behavior it could help. I'm not sure what I can do as a hobby to help replace the addiction. I have paid for this 'Fortify' program. I also have a Addiction Recovery manual. I haven't found the 12 step groups that helpful. I need feedback, and these twelve step groups do not really provide feedback.

 

I tend to downplay my relapses, or the extent of my viewing of pornography, or the downloading / deleting of pornography, so there is a breakdown in trust. She wants to nkow if I really want to quit or if I have ever really wanted to quit. She thinks I don't really want to quit. I need to want to want to quit more so I am more likely to succeed.