Bed Time

These days 10 to 11.

Unless I relapse then it's like will I even be alive to see the dawn but that's getting off topic...

Ya in good health my body gets really tired around 10, ready to pass out tired. So I aim for around 10. 11 is later than I like to go to bed as I really want to be fast asleep by that time (went to bed just after 11 last night).

Going to bed earlier is so much healthier. In TCM it is taught that you want to be asleep by 11 as that coincides with an organ cycle that you should be asleep for. I think it's when your liver and kidneys detox and it starts at 11pm.

My friend also goes to bed in between 9 and 10. It makes him the biggest morning person I know. Up at 5 or so with no alarm.

 

Traditional Chinese Medicine.

Ok I was totally wrong about the liver and kidneys at that time.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/william-horden/sleep-tip-a-chinese-medic_b_427212.html

Ya something about being asleep before 11pm is connected to it somehow.

Personally staying up past 11 just does not suit my lifestyle whatsoever anyways. I don't think anyone who isn't a vampire should stay up later than that. But some people are night owls I guess.

 

Oh wait no I was right, the liver schedules its repairs for 11p! So being asleep by 10 to 10:30 is recommended according to TCM.

 

I have a problem of staying up late.

I've been going to bed anywhere from 1- 3 AM (sometimes past 3 AM) for the past maybe.... 5 years on the regular. I'm "never" in bed by 10. Sometimes, if I know I need to get up early, I'm laying in bed by 12:00 - 12:30... but even that doesn't happen much.

To be honest, it's pretty unhealthy and doesn't help me with NoFap or anything else. I often find myself tired throughout the day and I know it's because of lack of sleep. My job requires that I get up around 10 AM. So, often I'm not getting a full 8 hours of sleep. The thing is... I'm not the type that falls asleep right away. I stay awake for usually at least 20 minutes before sleeping. Sometimes I stay up for much longer (maybe up to and hour or so) just trying to get comfortable or stop my overactive mind from wondering off too much. Also, there are nights that I wake up and take a very long time to fall asleep.

Here are the factors that hinder me going to bed early as far as I can tell:

1. Sleep to me always feels like doing the dishes.... or doing laundry. My whole life (I can go as far back as 10 if I'm remembering correctly) I looked at sleep like a chore. Something that had to be done because it was a "responsibility". Parents would tell me to go to sleep because I had to wake up for school and when I began working in the traditional workplace it "forced" me into bed because I'd have to wake up early for work. It feels like work. When I'm about to go to bed I'm usually upset that it's time. I'm actually thinking out of anger like.... "Damn... this again."

2. I never really felt comfortable going to sleep. I remember as a kid, and also in my 20s, changing sleeping positions in bed over and over trying to fall asleep. It's a "process" for me. A challenge to find that perfect position and hope that you don't lose it or it doesn't lose it's comfort. I'm not one of those people who just goes.... "Ahhhh this feels so relaxing... I'm so happy to be in my comfy bed just lying here!". I believe I felt this way even before shoulder issues.

3. I have bad shoulders. I now have a mechanical bed I've been using for about a year. It's to force me to sleep upright. I can no longer lay down on my sides or stomach.... It would really hurt my shoulders if I do. This makes sleeping much more uncomfortable than before.

4. I LOVE watching TV shows (use to be video games and TV shows in the past). Ever since the age of maybe 24.... I'd stay up late playing video games and/or watching my favorite TV show. Now, it's mostly just TV shows and not gaming on my PS4. I usually pop on a show around 10:30 - 11. It's SUCH a relief to just drown out the world and take in a good story. In some ways this is the "best" time of my day. That's very sad now that I think about it.....

5. I have this thing where I like to have noise around me when i sleep. Sleeping in still silence (at least when I'm first falling asleep) is kinda hard. My mind wonders off too much to all sorts of things. I think about my ex... I think about P.... I think about how my life is not going as I would like (I pray this changes).... I think memories of the past.... just about anything/everything. Sometimes, what I'm listening to is too distracting. I can feel my mind engage with it and that keeps me up. Maybe it's time I tried switching to music or white noise.

Last night I went to bed around 3:30 AM. It's weekends so I was able to sleep till 11:30. I don't count this as a full 8 hours rest because I got up a few times during the night and had trouble going back to sleep.

Funny thing you made this thread though because... not sure if you have ever seen my recovery journal, but this has become something I'm trying to fix. I have a business I'm trying to start so I need the extra hours in the morning to tend to it. Also, I've been working out more often too. I could use a stricter sleep cycle to ensure I take care of important tasks. My plan (this is only for workdays) for now is as follows:

6 AM - 10 AM (work on business) (I might meditate for a bit in the morning, do gratefulness journaling, and try visualization for what I want in my life)

10 AM - 7 PM (work)

7PM - 10PM (workout somewhere in between here... take time to do other important things) I would start winding down (brush teeth, wash face, clean up a little) to go to sleep by 9:35.

I really need to get this under control because my life is not where I want it to be. There are too many areas of my life needing improvement and my sleep habits have REALLY been impacting my ability to get things accomplished.

 

I wanted to make this a separate post from above in case it got lost in the long message.

Going to sleep with a lady in bed always seemed to make things easier. Falling asleep with someone hugging you or caressing your back, arm, or head (not in a sexual way but in an affectionate way) feels very soothing and comforting. You just feel the love... I tend not to focus my mind on other things but instead just enjoy her presence.

I haven't really slept with someone who has done this for me since my ex. Before her I was with another girl and that girl always made sure to cuddle with me. We were basically inseparable in bed. My ex also cuddled but more so when we were awake. I think she liked just getting her sleep and found not cuddling too much more comfortable which is understandable.

Anyways, sharing the bed with a girl you care about is awesome.

So, I'm going to share with you all something I did recently as embarrassing as it was

A day ago I had a dream about my ex. It was sorta sexual but it involved a lot of her just displaying her love for me by cuddling... making body-to-body contact. In the dream she was laying down on me face to face. She was saying some sexual things but also saying some things of affection without the sexuality thrown in. I hadn't had a dream about her in awhile. I suppose I miss her in someways....

So, I woke up from the dream to my alarm. My alarm woke me up while she was laying down on top of me in the dream. Took me a bit to realize I was dreaming... For a sec there I truly felt happy. So, in about 2 seconds I realized it's all a dream. But, my mind was now fixated on how awesome it felt to have a woman in your grasp. So, I took my pillow, stuffed the upper end of the pillow with some clothes I had laying on the bed (clothes were supposed to be the boobs), put it on my chest, and just held it with one arm. Then I put the sheets across my legs (as if it were a woman wrapping one leg across me). I just laid there with the simulated girl I formed out of fabric..... just laid there. It felt good. Comforting. After about 5 - 10 minutes I stopped and just chuckled to myself how silly that was haha!!

But, I did acknowledge that I missed the presence of having a wonderful lady with you in bed. Not simply for sexually desires... but for the love/affection.

Thank you for this thread @Surfing Poet It helped me realize just how much work I have to do on myself as a person. If it weren't for this thread I would have forgotten what I did with the stuffed pillow and sheet. I need to make some changes with myself.... Time to get my life on track for the better

 

I truly believe that sleeping on time is what's standing in between me and the some key things I want in life. My current sleeping routine isn't working.... so I applaud you taking on sleeping changes like this. It can only do good!

Getting to be by 9 PM would be a miracle for me. That would mean getting ready for bed at 8:30. CRAZY TO EVEN CONSIDER IT!!! But..... then again... I look at my life, and the progress I'm making in certain areas, and can't say what I'm doing is leading to anything positive.

Glad you found my message impactful! Sharing my journey is jammed packed with benefits.... impacting people along the way is VERY awesome too!!

In regarding to if managing your time is the solution, this depends on what you deem the "solution". For me, it's the solution for living a more fulfilled, happy, and productive life. I mean... the way things are going now I'm clearly not getting what I want. I think we all have a habit of doing the same thing day in and day out routine wise expecting that somehow... someway things will suddenly change. The truth is, if you really think about it, why would things change with you doing what you've always done? My current routine has shown me over and over and over again that sticking to my normal way of living (staying up late, waking up late, watching TV shows, procrastinating on important things) will definitely get the same result. It's an equation pretty much. Just like 2 + 2 = 4. We're plugging in the same variables into the equation thinking that somehow what we're adding will someday make a different result. It'll always create the same things. To get a new result you have to plug something new into the equation. Now, I'm not saying it's easy. Often you will fall back into the old routine. But, in time, if you stick with it long enough, your new healthy habits will very much shape your life into the life you are looking for.

This goes for other things too by the way. Like.... I look at my situation with girls. For years I didn't speak to them. I don't make the effort to even put myself in position to attract or speak with women. This is still the case today. I need to break this habit by getting into the habit of putting myself in situations where I can meet girls (join social classes, online dating, bars on occasion, approach a girl on the streets etc...). Many of the girls that came into my life sexually or on a friendship level happened by happenstance. Waiting to get "lucky" sucks. I'm learning that you have to get out there and try making things happen. Like.... I need to put more effort in pursuing a girlfriend or sexual partner. The woman of my dreams isn't going to fall into my lap while I'm at home watching Netflix after work!!! It's impossible. Girls don't just pop up in my living room out of thin air while watching my TV shows at home in the dark.... I have to take action! I have to change my life routine.

 

10 or 11 pm.I wake up at around 730 or 8 am.

 

I'd like to get up 5 AM... But its been hard for me going to bed early enough.

 

Thanks!

Celebrating 51 days

Very thankful to be here. I've been here before though so I must remember that the battle isn't over yet. If there's one thing I learned about reaching 50+ days it's you cannot get comfortable. You MUST take warning signs seriously when they arise. Any compromise to urges, even if it's just a small peek or Google search, must be dealt with quickly.