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Post published by savedandhealing

I also posted this in the Christian group, but wanted to post here too.

Hi, everyone. I need your help and advice as I progress down the road of recovery. I am 28 and have been married for about 5 years, I have struggled with porn addiction and have cheated on a few occasions in emotionless one time encounters. These were basically anonymous encounters that did not involve vaginal sex, once a bj and the other few times a hj (cheating none the less). As I have matured I’m realizing that I’m living for so much more and no longer want to be burdened by this guilt and sorrow. Recently I prayed and asked for god to save and forgive me of my sins. I have been working hard to beat this addiction and read scripture. I read various things about if I should tell my wife or not. I never plan on going down this road again and the acts were emotionless and I believe fueled by the issues I was having with porn. I’m working hard on my marriage, but I still wonder if I should tell her. I’m not sure of the benefit. What would you all recommend, I read so many various opinions on whether to tell or not. I truly believe God has worked in my life and made me a changed man. I plan on working hard to keep this up, just not sure if I should leave this in the past. I read that I am freed from my past sins and to not be burdened by them. What is your all’s opinions? Thank you
A leaf likes this.
CassTeaElle more_vert
CassTeaElle
The Bible very clearly says that lying is a sin. So, yes, you should tell your wife. I know that's not what you want to hear, and it could cause a lot of issues for you. But in the eyes of God, there is no valid excuse for not being honest.
CassTeaElle more_vert
CassTeaElle
Also, as a woman, I can tell you 100%, I've never met a woman who doesn't agree with this statement...
CassTeaElle more_vert
CassTeaElle
... lying is a million times worse than whatever else you've done. If you keep secrets and eventually she finds out, I guarantee she will be so much more broken and hurt by your kids than by your cheating.
CassTeaElle more_vert
CassTeaElle
Sorry to be so blunt. My original comment was a bit more sensitive, but this stupid site limits characters and deletes your entire comment if you go over, so I had to cut it down.
Ongoingsupport more_vert
Ongoingsupport
What is your intent for telling her or not?
savedandhealing more_vert
savedandhealing
I’m not sure, I’m not in that place in my life anymore. I just wonder if it is something that should be done, now that I have been healed and saved. I see no real benefit of telling her.
Ongoingsupport more_vert
Ongoingsupport
There's only room for short replies here but this is not a short answer issue, I'll look for one of the threads you posted in the forum.
CassTeaElle more_vert
CassTeaElle
Just because you can't see the benefits doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do. One huge benefit is that finding out now would be a billion times less painful than finding out later, with lies on top
CassTeaElle more_vert
CassTeaElle
Personally, it's so weird to me to see people even questioning this. It seems so clear to me that more secrets and lies is always the wrong choice. Always. Has anything good ever come from that?
duha more_vert
duha
If you are looking for answers from bible or any scripture, I would suggest you to consult a scholar on scripture who can provide with valid verdicts and counseling on the issue of telling or not telling your wife about your encounters.
CassTeaElle more_vert
CassTeaElle
There's no need to consult a biblical scholar to see if keeping secrets and lying is cool with God or not. It's pretty clear. https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/lying-bible-verses/
duha more_vert
duha
Apart from that, I believe that you have done the best from your part and deeply pray that God will guide you through this tough times.
duha more_vert
duha
Miss CassTeaElle, In our religion also, it is condemnable to hide information that God wants people to express.