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Post published by SamsonDavid
Good morning.
Today I'm starting anew at day zero. I gave in to temptation to search for porn (by trying to circumvent the filters on my computer and smartphone), and to masturbate a few times these past few days.
Mainly I was searching for some excitement in the midst of great fatigue (but of course the porn only made it worse).
Also I have a complicated issue going on with a 'friend'. Something sexual happened between us a year ago. I felt so guilty afterwards that I told him I never want to do it again. We've kept in touch although I'm not happy about our friendship. The situation needs closure and that's what I'm about to have in a couple of weeks.
I just wanted to share this briefly to mark the start of my new run. I feel pretty desperate about failing the LORD so many times. I feel trapped. But I have cried to the LORD Jesus to deliver me and I know He won't let me down.
And this goes for all of us. Thank you for reading this, thank you for commenting my previous posts #Togetherwecan and #JohnBaur; I will be in touch with you soon.
Jonny123, John Baur and FreedomFromSlavery like this.
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FreedomFromSlavery
Don't give up hope! Come hope to Christ and let Him rebuild your spirit.
John Baur likes this.
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SamsonDavid
Made it through the first 24 hours. From this afternoon on, I've been feeling much better. I also took a long walk from the train station to the place where my car was parked (3 miles further). That felt good.
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SamsonDavid
Made it through the next 24 hours. Feeling a lot better than 2 days before. Got a lot of work done today. Tired now, going to sleep early.
Tolulope 009 likes this.
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SamsonDavid
Hurray, another 24 hrs with no PMO! By chance I noticed a problem in my app filter. Will contact Covenant Eyes helpdesk tomorrow if problem persist.
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SamsonDavid
And another 24 hrs PMO-free! Had a very stressful day, and for a few times felt tempted to touch myself. It didn't happen though. Going to sleep now. PS feel excited to get to know some of the other forum members better.
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SamsonDavid
Unfortunately I masturbated this afternoon. Have to start at zero again. Glad there was no porn or fantasy involved.