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Post published by captainflint1
Any advice on how to deal with fears like "what if I'm repressing something? Am I trans?" in bed when trying to sleep? I'm in a really shitty situation rn because my best defense against this was leaning on my gf who would be right there next to me to encourage me that I'm her man and to keep rebooting. But now, she's away for months on a global program and my place gets so silent that my own thoughts end up wrecking me. Last week, I ended a 22 days no PMO streak (at least by just MO) because of this, and it didn't help the insomnia after I orgasmed anyway. Last night, I fought through it with better self talk and an audiobook, so no relapse, but I got zero sleep. Not a sustainable solution ( I would think) for the months while the gf is out. I even had a fantastic day before that, it's just that I get really scared at night when I have to be alone, especially when I get triggered by any content that makes me feel like what I have is natural/permanent. I know it's not when I'm rational, but for some reason if I get any reason to believe that "a sissy girl is who I am", I spiral that out of control if I don't have someone physically there to calm me down.
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darknight
In my opinion, defining your value or purpose in life based on your sexual attraction is insanity. There are so many things we should be focused on and working towards that when we do, sexuality becomes more easily understood: family, work, faith, etc. PMO bent everything out of shape to where we obsess over trying to define sexual attractions that WE LET PMO influence! You can't figure YOURSELF out based on consuming crap that SOMEONE ELSE created! Drive on!
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captainflint1
I agree wholeheartedly when I'm feeling ok - but a major emotional trigger for me was Blanchard's autogynephilia theory - he treats it like it's an actual orientation or form of transgenderism, which carries an incredible sense of permanence with it. That sense is what scares me when I'm in reboot and it's uncomfortable because I don't want to feel like my struggle is futile.
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captainflint1
I often confuse the discomfort I feel around this with separation pain from my gf, which makes it suck extra because I feel like she's "left me", even though we FaceTime every day and she tells me how much she loves and cares for me
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modernstore99
Have you ever made it to 30 days? After that mark, thoughts like this tend to die away when you hit the flatline.
I would consider exercising and working out. I did this to not only get larger and feel better about myself, but I'd be so tired at the end of the day I'd just plop down in bed and fall right to sleep, no thoughts at all.
I was seriously considering transitioning last summer, when I was deep in my sP addiction. One 90 day reboot of no PMO later, I am 110% confident I am a straight man. Go the 90 days, and it has to be without P and O and not doing any sissy activities. It will really clear your mind. Trust me, I was in your shoes
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Maninsearchofasoul
I really can only think of things physiologically to help. Don't take naps. Make the one time you sleep the one time. If you can't sleep do WHATEVER you can to flat tire yourself out. That is just me though. People say reading, meditating and relaxing and trying to do things that will encourage sleep help, and for many it works but for me I just have to be really damn tired.
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captainflint1
thanks guys, i really want to hit 30 and beyond. I've never gone as far as 22 before though, so im determined. closing out day 4 now!
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Sprinter123
I agree with modernstore99, exercise is a good way to burn off some of that excess energy. Also if you're looking for a way to break those thought cycles you've described, where you get stuck in a loop of fear and cravings, then i woyld recommend trying medatation if you havernt already. I personally found the headspace app to be very good. It just helps to break those destructive thought spirals that inevitably lead to relapse. Good luck. Stay the course.
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