Post published by wwwolf

I am 32 years old and I confess that I have a strong desire for heels, I just see a woman using them and that turns me on, I get very excited to underwear, I could expend hours and hours looking at lingerie at walmart or that kind of stores, or online on ebay or that kind of sites. I watch sissy porn, I get very excited with the idea of being dresses as a woman specially using heels, underwear, makeup a delicious perfume and being fucked by a man. The worst of all is that I tried before getting fully dressed but never been with a man, the more I would be humiliated, rape, being submitted, forced, etc. the more it excites me. I don't understand why, but my first orgasm was by accident while I was dressed up at the age of 8 probably with a skirt, pantyhose, lingerie, heels and some makeup that I got from my mom and I was rubbing my penis with the clothes on and I really enjoyed the fact of imaging a man was raping me. Why does a 8 years old child would fantasy with that? I didn't know orgasm exist! I just felt some pleasure and when I told the panty off I noticed that white thing all over the place and there is where this addicting thing started to become even stronger and deeper. I don't even remember I had been raped, and I wasn't exposed to porn in that time until 12, I just don't understand. After the years and with access to porn I still have those desires. I just feel so bad, that gives me a lot of pleasure, I just enjoy it a lot but then when I ejaculate immediately I feel so bad, like such a crap which by feeling that denigrated that feeds again those sissy desires. How can something so denigrating, so nasty, so pervert, so twisted, so shameful can cause me excitation?, I don't even consume real men's porn where you imagine to enjoy the beautiful woman, which is not right at all but at least it seams to be manly, but instead I want to be the woman, I want to be abused, I want to be weak, I want to be used, to be emasculated, why? why do I have to have such desires, why I just don't be a normal man? normal men don't have those desires but the opposite! I need help