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Post published by Believe85
Is this progress, failure or both?
I haven't been here for several months. I heard a podcast on this topic in which the Christian moderator said in our battle against sin we tend to acknowledge progress. For example, reducing road rage expressed as profanity while driving. But when it comes to pornography, it's all or nothing. If it's not perfection, you're a failure.
I have thought about that. Here's my brief story. Since I started on this site an amazing thing has happened. I have not masturbated. Not even once. It used to be something that happened several times a week.
I tried to abstain from porn. But what is porn? Swimsuits, tight sweaters, bare breasts, genitals, graphic sex on a screen? I have become increasingly lax in this area and am now stimulating/addicting my brain with views of The Chive, swimsuits, hot babes searches (with moderate filter on browser), etc.
I don't feel good about this. I think when I succumb to "the lust of the eyes" it prevents me from seeing Christ as clearly as I could, it clouds my vision for what the Holy Spirit is doing in me and wants to do through me.
My dilemma: I'm happily married but when I starve my eyes it's as if I'm a car trying to start when it's 10 degrees or colder outside. It takes awhile! Conversely, if my eyes and arousal are at a constant idle or in low gear it's a lot easier to get into high gear with my wife. I'm afraid of not performing so I look at images I rationalize as OK to get that arousal going.
Add alcohol to the mix and I'm in a danger zone. That's what happened last night. My wife went to bed at 11 and I stayed up till 1 watching the baseball game. A glass or two of wine with an iphone in my hand late at night alone and I'm in no-man's land. This time, I went beyond the usual women in lingerie to bare breasts and genitals. I feel like shit this morning, pardon the French. There, I have confessed my sin, gotten it into some light and may be on the road to repentance and feeling forgiveness.
I'm a flawed sinner, that's for sure. Still, I haven't masturbated in months! Should I be celebrating, punishing myself or neither?
I should probably change my badge. Or my goal. Is this progress, failure or both?
I welcome your thought and prayers.
Xpensive likes this.
more_vert
frogs2345
I would say this is still failure. I would pray about it and ask God to convict you of sins you are unaware of. Porn and lust of the eyes always leads to adultery and MO no matter how long the road takes. What you are doing here sounds like rationalizing porn by making it a way to get aroused with your wife. But what if you could get aroused by your wife, without porn, by natural means. Porn is not natural. It may feel so, but it is sinful. Just a thought.
more_vert
Soulherb
Perhaps both and neither? I could keep looking at all of the ways I fail, without looking at the victories, and feel terrible about myself. Alternatively, I could look at all of my victories, and give myself a pass on failures, leading me to a false security. In between, I can accept it is called The Way for a reason, and keep in mind both the obstacles I have overcome and the obstacles to come, all while keeping my eyes on Him as I traverse the path in front of me now. No M is a victory, all P-subs are a temptation, and shifting the the stimulus is the work in front of you now.
