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Post published by Timeforachange!!!
Hey everyone. I haven’t posted here for a while but I have some stuff I’ve been going through and coming to understand which may be helpful. I realized that a lot of my feelings of shame surrounding SP came from fears of being gay or liking men, however it took conversations with a therapist and some journaling to really understand that I like men and women, and that that is ok. I think a lot of these thoughts of are you straight or gay kind of limit you into select categories which make thoughts of liking more than one gender kind of scary and confusing. You can be attracted to girls but also still have fantasies about men and that’s okay. Or you can just be interested in being submissive to either gender or to just one and dominant to another or whatever, everyone’s sexuality and preferences is on that spectrum. I believe SP is targeted to make the thoughts on the homosexual side of the spectrum feel wrong or like you are a loser or bitch for thinking that way so you must become a girl since only girls can be with men. It is a fucked up system of P created by some people who I believe are not only homophobic but may even be somewhat sadistic. I think if you want to dress up as a girl and fuck guys, go for it there’s nothing wrong with that. But don’t do it out of shame and out of negative emotions that come from SP. Now you may naturally be wondering if the thoughts you are having are natural or caused by SP, and I think it can be helpful to trace how you arrived to the point you are at now. For me, for example, my development was from vanilla porn/lesbian to gay to BDSM to cross dressing and then to SP. I found that this progression made sense as I found that I enjoyed submission early on in the process of porn use and developed a fetish for cross dressing which I did enjoy and found sexually arousing. I believe that my internalized homophobia as to who I was manifested with this fetish to lead to my shame of my bisexuality and to the usage of SP which hurt my already low self esteem and created a situation where I would not only cause self harm to my esteem but subconsciously repressed my desires under the guise that it was forced. I personally have found that, after having sex with women, dominatrixes, and men, that I find all of these types of sex exciting and stimulating for different reasons. You can feel turned on by many different things and just because they may seem to clash or contradict one another does not make them wrong to be feeling. I have personally come to this conclusion after dating my girlfriend of one year, and it really did feel good to be able to lift this weight off of my shoulders. However, today I felt a new one put upon it when I realized everything I had done before and during our relationship in regards to SP and fulfilling this fetish. I had always had the two separated, my real self and my ‘porn self’. When I would watch P or get into the SP mode, I crossdressed, fuck many different objects, enter into a bimbo sissy mindset, and even use Omegle on several occasions while watching P and performing sissy acts while under the mindset of this being a different me who was doing these things in almost an out of body experience. And just like many of you, once I climaxed, it all came crashing down and the shame kicked in. I guess it is a good thing that I am experiencing this kind of regret, though, as I believe that this is honestly the kind of awakening I need to quite this stuff for good. To be clear, I do mean to quit SP and engaging in this fetish online as I do plan to come clean about these desires and what I have done as I think I need to clear my own conscience and clear the slate from this point of my life. I am going into day four no P and will be meeting with my therapist this Wednesday. I guess this has gone on for a bit longer than I was expecting, however I had a lot to get off my chest and I hope that this has helped some of you out there. I can’t offer the answer to exactly where you fall on the spectrum as that is up to you, but when you stop trying to deny certain parts of yourself and desires as being wrong and truly look into your feelings, the answer honestly does become much easier to find. I first began trying NoFap about 2 years ago. I came back after I developed issues climaxing and began the 90 day hard mode challenge just for that and no real other reason. I believe that my reason this time, going beyond my relationship, sex, and everything is the best one: This is for my own personal happiness and contentment in who I am as a person. I wish you all luck on your journey and if any of you need a person to keep you accountable please do not hesitate to reach out.
more_vert
Timeforachange!!!
Also to clarify I do not mean to imply that if you use SP you must be somewhere on the spectrum I understand for some this may not be the case I only mean to say that it is important to be honest with yourself about the causes of the desire in order to truly come to the core of why you use SP and to find your way through it.
more_vert
modernstore99
I really agree with this. If you wanna wear certain clothes or have sex with certain adults, that's really okay if it makes you and them feel happy and fulfilled. If you are committing certain sex acts because you feel you have no choice or because it's all that you're worth, your worldview and sex life is not really happy. Porn can change our minds to confuse us into what makes us horny, and what makes us happy.
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modernstore99
For anyone with a sP problem, or even just doubts about their sexuality, do a 90 day hardmode reboot, and then start you sex life from the bottom up. Your head will be very clear, and you'll have the time and room to develop sexually with a partner. PMO can mask the effects of sex acts that don't match yourself, but that almost never happens with real people. Do what makes you happy, because it's what you deserve.
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wwwolf
Well I don't agree in anything of this. Ones you don't distinguish between what is bad or good. How hard is nowadays to define correct vs wrong and such a twisted world where anybody could just say "to me this is good, to me this is bad", everybody has its own ways to define the things. Just have in mind that everybody do what they do because they thing it is good, but look around, why is there so much suffering then? They might not noticed yet that what they call "good" is actually bad.
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wwwolf
You might not understand yet that a man being sexually with another man is not ok, is not normal, it is not good. It might feels like it is because it arouses you, but the fact that arouses you doesn't mean its ok. Your brain is already chemically twisted with porn, plus the fact that nowadays you can hear that LGBT crap everywhere that it is ok, isn’t it too obvious that this is part of the elite’s plan? They are twisting more and more people with sexual disorders. Nowadays you can define yourself as a “dragon” who is sexually aroused by cats, cows and unicorns. Man! How can somebody call this normal?
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wwwolf
Is it normal that a man introduces his penis inside the whole from the crap comes out? Is that really normal to get the penis al muddy of crap? Does it feel good? Does it arouse some people? Yes! Because mind has the power to get you aroused from anything if you train it for that, or better said, if you twist it enough, and that it is what porn is doing plus the influence of the LBGT crap everywhere.
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wwwolf
I have struggled with sexually attraction to men since the age of 9, I have had strong desires of being with a man. I am also attracted to women, I like women so much that I have fantasized a lot on being a woman. I was in crossdressing so deeply since the age of 9. In fact, I discover masturbation and orgasms by mistake at the age of 9 while I was rubbing my crotch imaging a man was raping me while I was fully dressed as a woman with my sister’s and mom’s stuff.
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wwwolf
I was very deep into crossdressing and homosexual desires. I could define myself as bisexual too and as a crossdresser but I have live enough to see how destructive this is. I am not speaking about morality or just opinions and arguments. I had seen supernatural things. I had seen how all of this is work of evil spirits also called for some as demons. They are real, I don’t have an idea of the things I had seen.
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wwwolf
The purpose of this evil spirits is to twist you, to deceive you, they want to end up destroying you in all possible ways. I know you might not believe what I am saying because you haven’t seen it. You might thing that this is science fiction but this is real. They want you to believe that those things that destroy you are good. Do you really thing that many people is destroying their selves with drugs for no reason? These spirits are also doing that I haven’t seen it!
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wwwolf
The way they use drugs to destroy some, they use porn and this LBGT crap to distort and twist us. That therapist you are visiting is just following that same trend of the LBGT agenda controlled by the elite, that elite are in contact with these demons and follow their orders to destroy humanity. Yes, yes I know, again you might thing that this is just fantasy but sooner or later you’ll realized that this LBGT was a lie. I had already opened my eyes and scape from that crap.
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wwwolf
I already lost a marriage, I was so close to become a transgendered person prostitute. I was able to escape from this but many haven’t escape yet and don’t know if they would leave enough to do so. They are still trapped and that lie, everybody is telling them “is ok, just to what makes you happy, just do what you like”.