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Post published by Doveleaf

Just relapsed again yesterday on MO. I was clean for 3 whole weeks, the longest I have ever abstained since I started this, and cannot believe I would go back to it again after feeling so much purer for 3 weeks. I have been fighting this for ten years now and am so ashamed. Right now I'm not in a relationship, but if I ever do get married, even if I do finally beat this, I'm afraid I will never be able to have sex without shame. And I even think I will not want to do it at all or would never be able to please my husband because I've done this for so long. I know that God's forgiven me but I know I've let Him down. I've let myself down and keep asking myself why would I go back to this when for a short time I was free from it? Often when I'm stressed I turn to MO instead of God and I think that's where the problem is.
OnlyWithJesus more_vert
OnlyWithJesus
Don't be discouraged!! I know the struggle. My advice is to fill the time you usually feel triggers with activities to bring you closer to God. This could be reading the Bible, watching sermons, listening to Christian music, etc. For example, I usually feel tempted on the weekends (since I'm not busy with school), so I will fast on Saturdays and watch Church Online (life.church) on Sundays. This is how I got to my 80-day streak! In the past years, I could barely get past 10 days, and twice this year I've surpassed 50 days. Trust in God, because He will help you!