Post published by EsCargo5

I’m journaling here because actual pen and paper journaling, though it helps in some degree, isn’t being received by anyone. Not really looking for a solution, per say. I’ve just been holding in a lot.

So I’ve struggled with ssa(same sex attractions) since I was really young and I held it in for so long and have aimed to live a life pleasing to God. I’m a celibate virgin. I got hooked on PMO years ago which has led me here. I have some great APs, 2 that I’m extremely thankful for. As great as it is having others that can relate, it’s hard because it’s still lonely and I want/need more. I can’t put everything on them and there is fear that I may lose them if I start opening up too much. So I’m on nofap more than I should be keeping a lookout for other potential APs just in case. God has been so good to me and will never leave me but I am so longing for physical community. My family is great but life has us all in different places and they have families of their own. I respect that. It’s so difficult dealing with ssa and striving to live according to the Bible. The flesh is weak sometimes. In a culture where marriage and having a family is a priority loneliness sets in because though I want a family of my own it may not happen. I don’t want to idolize the want for community and brotherhood because God is my provider and is always with me. It is just really hard right now.