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Post published by EsCargo5
I’m journaling here because actual pen and paper journaling, though it helps in some degree, isn’t being received by anyone. Not really looking for a solution, per say. I’ve just been holding in a lot.
So I’ve struggled with ssa(same sex attractions) since I was really young and I held it in for so long and have aimed to live a life pleasing to God. I’m a celibate virgin. I got hooked on PMO years ago which has led me here. I have some great APs, 2 that I’m extremely thankful for. As great as it is having others that can relate, it’s hard because it’s still lonely and I want/need more. I can’t put everything on them and there is fear that I may lose them if I start opening up too much. So I’m on nofap more than I should be keeping a lookout for other potential APs just in case. God has been so good to me and will never leave me but I am so longing for physical community. My family is great but life has us all in different places and they have families of their own. I respect that. It’s so difficult dealing with ssa and striving to live according to the Bible. The flesh is weak sometimes. In a culture where marriage and having a family is a priority loneliness sets in because though I want a family of my own it may not happen. I don’t want to idolize the want for community and brotherhood because God is my provider and is always with me. It is just really hard right now.
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Myfortress
Thank you for sharing. Bringing your issues into the light is an important step. You are not alone. Are you part of a church family, or a small group? This can be a place to find closeness and community.
Ready_to_Stop and EsCargo5 like this.
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Blue jeans
Welcome . Hope this can be a place of encouragement and progress for you.
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EsCargo5
I was a part of a church a few years back and I’m still in contact with a few friends from there. They know of the ssa but just like my family they have families and lives they are focusing on. Friendships and communities take time to develop. I went through a mentally and emotionally traumatic experience in which I felt abandoned, so maybe that’s why I’m feeling this so much.
Ready_to_Stop likes this.
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Myfortress
I’m sorry to hear about the abandonment feelings.
It does take time to get fully immersed into a church family but worth the effort. Especially when you make that really close friend you can talk to about anything.
Ready_to_Stop, Tao Jones and EsCargo5 like this.
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CPilot
I have a close family member who also is inclined to SSA. I love this person dearly and I want him to be happy. Unfortunately, he keeps Christianity at arms length. He feels that Christianity teaches Christians to look down on him. Nothing could be further from the truth. A Christian who rejects someone because of their sin is a hypocrite and that Christian will have to undergo God's judgment for that. Christ taught us to love everyone and He did not go on to qualify that command. We are all sinners but God loves us anyway; how reckless to ignore His example.
loverofpeace, EsCargo5, Myfortress and 2 others like this.
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loverofpeace
Maybe get him casually to read some Gospel quotes....sometimes people dislike what they imagine Christiany is but when they read the words of Jesus they go WOW.
Ready_to_Stop and EsCargo5 like this.