Post published by Eli_84

I'm curious to talk with those of you living with obsessive compulsion, something I grapple with daily. I assume most of us here are fairly self-analytical people; always thinking about thinking, observing our own thoughts. Also, I assume most of us are familiar with intrusive self-talk. It's been interesting (and a bit scary) for me to see how those intrusive dialogues have changed since joining this sight! I'm interested in the moment before a relapse (smoking, drinking, porn, doesn't matter which) when you know you're going to screw up! For me, sometimes it's thirty seconds before the relapse and sometimes it's a whole day before! It's the moment when the intrusive talk overpowers reason. Can you guys relate? You've been walking on a train track and you've lost your balance but you haven't fallen off yet! This moment terrifies me because during that moment the intrusive talk feels like logic! Even when you have a coping strategy in place; going for a walk, taking a cold shower, cooking a meal, walking away from the screen or bottle or whatever, it still gets you! It talks you out of your strategy! How do you fight against a voice that can persuade you not to fight? What do you do when this moment arrives to regain your balance? I'd love to hear anyone's insight! Thanks.
Mindful Through Trauma more_vert
Mindful Through Trauma
That's the struggle in a nutshell, and it's the most difficult struggle we'll ever face! I'm not an expert but being mindful (thinking about thinking, as you put it) is the key first step. The more we become aware of our thought processes, the more we can learn to control them. Being mindful of thoughts and feelings creates a space between those thoughts/feelings and our awareness/consciousness, allowing us to practice letting go of thoughts/feelings we know are detrimental. In theory, of course. In practice, it takes a lot of time and effort, and probably many fails, to get there.
kayesem more_vert
Yep. Speed wobbles. Just before the wheels fall off.
Maintaining presence of mind. Remembering what happened last time when you caved in. You think it will help but it just makes everything worse. I can relate. It's like something kicks in the front door and says 'Fuck all your rules!' and just bypasses every fail safe. It takes the form of a powerful decision from within, but a destructive one, and seems to hijack the healthy pathways and fly to a new destination. Once the decision has been made, it seems inevitable. You give up the fight, as you say.