Post published by faxmaddick

I just relapsed and have literally no motivation to keep going, but I'm terrified of my brain and porn and what's going on with me. I've been trying to quit for about a year and shit just keeps getting worse. I'm absolutely terrified of what this escalation is doing to my brain. What if I wind up actually castrating myself? What if I start watching illegal porn? I feel like I'll never recover from PIED and it won't even be worth it. After 6 months away from porn I felt terrible. I just keep screwing up and the scariest part is I don't care. Porn is making me apathetic about everything. I'm throwing away my relationship with my family and my education, and I'm scaring myself. Yet, I can't seem to stop. I feel the need to do something dramatic.
SLAA1 and Deleted Account like this.
Mckell more_vert
Mckell
Hate to hear you’re struggling right now. If you can, give it a couple of minutes, then give it a couple hours then a day to see if things calm down. Lots of stuff goes on in life in addition to your struggle with porn. How bad is the other stuff weighing on you? Don’t hesitate to get support and help for those things too. Please don’t get discouraged and give up/give in. You’re young and you’ve already made the incredibly self aware decision to try to do something about your porn addiction. It may seem like we’re just random strangers here, but it’s a safe place and we can offer real support
Puppy more_vert
Puppy
Oh Boi. Sometimes I think just don't fap and no porn isn't enough. There must be a change from your inner soul you know.
darknight more_vert
darknight
It gets better. Temporarily burn your bridges to technology. I left my phone in my car for 40 days. Helped tremendously.
Saint Augustine likes this.
Saint Augustine more_vert
Saint Augustine
Just some thoughts from someone who relapsed yesterday. I often wonder about also committing drastic changes, like the guy from 'Into the Wild'. Just up and leave, as a way to change my situation and somehow fix myself. However, it's irresponsible, to me and to those around me. We are social beings. We need to spend time with people. Why is it friends and family don't generally PMO together? (lol at the thought). Try to maximise your time with friends and fam, have someone who you can call and talk to as soon as urges come.
SLAA1 likes this.
faxmaddick more_vert
faxmaddick
Yeah man I feel you, but I feel like a robot and generally feel emotionally distant or slightly annoyed at the presence of friends/family. It actually is kind of a trigger. My main issue that keeps controlling my relapse is my OCD. The anxiety produced by my obsessive thoughts is the only thing that really gets me off anymore. Thanks for your support guys, I really appreciate it
SLAA1 likes this.
faxmaddick more_vert
faxmaddick
What I mean by my OCD controlling me into relapsing is for example, one time I got very upset and obsessively thought I had a disease. I actually relapsed to the idea of having the disease because it was so stressful and demeaning it turned me on. Another time I obsessed that I was transgender, so I relapsed to trans porn as a "test", after driving my anxiety through the roof. In a flatline, I'll obsess about being asexual, and fantasize about sissy porn compulsively, out of stress of the idea of being asexual.