Post published by Nwmat1138

The PIED can come on overnight. It is reversible, but it’s going to take some porn free time.

I really hope it's as simple as just time...fingers crossed

Well...nothing is “simple”. Time and true healing. Not playing games with yourself. Not bargaining with an eventual “moderate” porn use as a reward... there’s a lot of self work ahead and some things only come clear with a porn free brain AND the passage of time. Come to terms that there isn’t a quick and easy fix for this. Embrace the suck (because it’s going to for a while) but I promise you, your brain will heal, your soul will heal and your friend down there will heal.

Thank you pal I appreciate it

Couldn’t agree with @Mckell more!!

@Nwmat1138 I don’t know your relationship but reading as an outside observer I’d say the fact you saw your ex and had the opportunity to “enjoy” each other’s company is a huge victory. The more time that goes by and the less P you watch, you’ll realize that real life is greater than the internet.

Yea I can take some small victories from what happened I think. But then it's also a stark reminder as @Mckell says this isn't going to be a quick and easy fix. The realisation just hits hard I think...but I won't quit. I know exactly where I want to be

Ok you have something tangible to work with. You have someone who is interested in you, which many people on this site do not. Think of a relationship with her, free of P and sP, as the prize at the end of 90 days no PMO. Don't even think of it as a streak; think of the 90 days as a step towards your goal. It doesn't matter what day you're on until you're at 90; on day 90, try to have sex again. Even if it's not great, it'll be better. You can fix this relationship and yourself. Do not give up

That's such a powerful image you've just put forward it actually made me well up slightly. I'm so glad i've found this place and the support from everyone is so valuable. I just wish my will power is strong enough to beat it. I can't believe how hard it is to kick this fucking habit...it's worse than both drugs and drink and i've battled both. Thank you so much!

Please try to hang in. I have limited experience w this site and limited experience w no Pmo and sP but the experience that I have is positive: we CAN change.

Well i'm a fucking loser...lapsed again back to day 1. At least every time this happens I hate myself that lil bit more which helps

@Nwmat1138 please don’t hate yourself, the cycle is fueled by low self esteem and low self image. Stop the negative self talk, you relapsed, period. You came here and posted because you know PA is messing you up. Change your lifestyle, remove P for good...urges will come but you’re stronger than them and can overcome them. I sometimes think “oh maybe one time wouldn’t hurt”, but I come here and read the horror stories and remind myself of what PMO does to our brains and our performance (i.e PIED, Death grip) and those reminders are enough to help me abstain.

I hear you i really do. I just don't know how to resist the urges. It's as if i'm not even capable of making a decision to do it or not...it's like being on auto pilot I hate it! I will try and try I promise. Thank you for your encouraging words I really appreciate it

if you're brain is on autopilot you are likely not busy enough and not tired enough to resist. Getting through these first three weeks is the hardest. In my fist three weeks, I would run myself to exhaustion many days because I knew I would just go home and collapse; even though I wanted to, I could not summon myself to PMO, and got through it. I also didn't spend a lot of time in my room. The more time you spend in there, the more your brain thinks it's getting PMO and will push you towards the point of no return.

I agree. I definitely need to stay busy but as a Ltd company my work is so sporadic unfortunately. But i'm starting a big contract for the next two weeks so i'm really going to try and get to 14 days for the first time!

Try to just not be in your room, even when you're not working. Being outside and away from that spot will help you resist the urges. I normally just go to my bedroom to sleep. In the 30 minutes where I'm getting ready for bed, I'll do 30 pushups 5 times, totaling 150. This tires me pretty well, and I usually just don't even wanna M after that, just shut my eyes. Do the pushups well, 3-4 times a week, and by 3-4 weeks you will have a massive chest.

I agree with goodguy1225. This is a process. A growing, learning process. Plenty of stumbling is going to happen and plenty of trial and error learning. Learning to know yourself and to move past failure (because there will be failure) is all a part of it. Stick with it. You WILL find yourself becoming a better person. We have all failed many many times in our fight with this. I look back at where I was when I hit bottom and realize how far I’ve come. It sure wasn’t a straight and easy climb and it’s still not over.

You guys are such an inspiration in this. You somehow always manage to see good and positives in so many situations. It makes me not only not want to let myself down but everyone here too. Thank you guys