1HandUser82

Hello anyone who takes the time to read this,

Like most people on this site I've spent most of my life at first in front of a TV & VHS, which moved to DVD, afterwards it was Blu-ray, now I'm in front of my laptop watching porno videos.
I've come to the realization that I'm an introvert that would rather engage in "self-love" than have someone else by my side, I guess one dumb idea would be I'm not in range to get hurt by someone
After being alone for basically 32 years, I'm starting to feel the sting of depression and anxiety. When I'm on a plane I get worried because I feel if the plane crashes I'll die alone and be quickly forgotten. Also I'm not a religious man but they say there is a place near the gates of hell for people that have never done anything with their lives, I feel that sting right now and want to change my life around.
I feel the need to change and hopefully I'll make sure to find someone to have in my life other than "temporary girlfriends" that I hold at arms length. I feel the shame of not letting people into my personal space and realize I've hurt some people that wanted to be with me. I've taken the easy way out and forever will never get the chance to grow as an individual during that time in my life.
Anyways these are a few thoughts I've had and hopefully they will be a thing of the past. It's now time to grow up and find someone to call mine.