hope4healing
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Gender:
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Birthday:
April 9
Location:
USA

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hope4healing

NoFap Moderator, Female, from USA

Staff Member
    1. Khufu
      Khufu
      big hug
      1. hope4healing likes this.
    2. Rostrock47
      Rostrock47
      I'm worried about you
      1. hope4healing likes this.
    3. Rostrock47
      Rostrock47
      Hey, what's happening to you?
    4. Deleted Account
      Deleted Account
      Thank you for the avatar approval
      1. hope4healing likes this.
    5. Oldman77
      Oldman77
      Thank you for approving my avatar!
      1. hope4healing likes this.
    6. Gabriel Knight
      Gabriel Knight
      Thanks for avatar getting approved!
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    7. TigerDog4863
      TigerDog4863
      Thanks for approving my avatar!
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    8. Deleted Account
      Deleted Account
      Can I ask you something? How come you liked my post?
      1. hope4healing
        hope4healing
        It was meant as an acknowledgment of what you said. I usually 'like' a post if someone has posted or replied directly to me so they know I've seen it in case I don't reply back right away. It doesn't mean I like that you're having a difficult time. I apologize if it seemed that way.
        Feb 27, 2023
      2. Deleted Account
        Deleted Account
        It is okay I understand. I only asked because I always thought that most women don't really like it when men get shy/sensitive around them. Which I can't really blame you for. I just didn't expect anyone to like my post though.
        Feb 27, 2023
      3. Deleted Account
        Deleted Account
        So I take it my observation was correct?
        Feb 28, 2023
    9. RookityRooker
      RookityRooker
      Thank you for approving my avatar!
      1. M_H and hope4healing like this.
    10. Ibrahim haidara
      Ibrahim haidara
      i really like the quote on your page
      1. hope4healing likes this.
      2. hope4healing
        hope4healing
        Thank you. :)
        Nov 15, 2022
    11. Ignis Divinis
      Ignis Divinis
      thanks for approving my avatar, have a great day!
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    12. add eddie
      add eddie
      Thank you for approving my avatar.
    13. Deleted Account
      Deleted Account
      Thank you! I really like Black ops 2! :D
      1. Tireless Soul and hope4healing like this.
    14. Ignis Divinis
      Ignis Divinis
      thanks for approve my avatar
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      mychamp
      Thanks for approving my avatar.
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      Deleted Account
      Thanks for approving my Avatar.
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      Uni_boy22
      Thanks for approving my Avatar
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      Mr.Tony
      Thanks for Aproving my Avatar.
    19. Grow_out_of_it
      Grow_out_of_it
      This is quite random but your avatar is so funny it made me laugh. Have a nice day :)
    20. Deleted Account
      Deleted Account
      Hi @hope4healing, how are things with you? Was just thinking about you and hoping you're doing OK. Best wishes.
      1. Win_for_life and hope4healing like this.
      2. hope4healing
        hope4healing
        Thank you, @HARP . I really appreciate you checking in. Things are about the same, but something has to give...soon. I'm so happy you see things are going well for you lately. :) Keep going.
        Jun 14, 2018
      3. Deleted Account
        Deleted Account
        Just remember that you are awesome! You deserve every good thing! I hope you can get some support for your struggles IRL, everyone needs some backup. Take care, wishing you a good day.
        Jun 14, 2018
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  • About

    Gender:
    Female
    Birthday:
    April 9
    Location:
    USA
    Journal Thread Link:
    View my Journal
    Preferred Pronouns:
    She / Her / Hers
    5 Characteristics of Men Who Help Their Wives Heal After Betrayal

    Although I've been coming here regularly for awhile to follow along with others' journeys/journals, I'm just now beginning my own. I thought it may be helpful to put my own thoughts out there in hopes of finding a pathway which may lead me to some sort of healing. For so long now, I've been wandering around in a daze, having no idea which way to turn and not really seeing a path of any kind to even begin to take. I want that to change. I need it to change. So, here's a little about my story...

    I'm the wife of a PMO addict. We've been married for 19 years and have been together for 23 years. His addiction had been around much longer than I have, and although there were signs from early on, I didn't know the depth of the problem until much further down the road. For so many years, I was very naive, gullible, and just plain stupid. I've also continued to make the same foolish mistake over and over again...listening with my heart instead of my brain. Even as I sit here knowing how many times that has caused me heartbreaking results, I still have a tendency to do it again. I am, however, starting to get better about it.
    As with many others whose stories I've read here, there have been a series of repeated cycles...I make a 'discovery,' he says he's sorry and hates that he's hurt me so much and promises it will never happen again, I believe him, and it seems to get better. Then, in a week or a month or maybe even a few months, the cycle starts all over again. I am just beginning to realize that part of the reason it's continued unchanged is because I've allowed it to. But, I also know that I'm not completely to blame because he's also chosen to keep it this way.
    I'm now at a point where I know things have to change. Whether those changes will solely be made by me alone or along with changes he's willing to make himself, I don't really know right now. What I do know is that I have no self-esteem left, the anxiety I constantly feel is overwhelming me to the point that I wish I never had to leave the house, and the worrying and insecurities consume most of my thoughts around the clock. Yet, I have to make it through each day doing my best to pretend like I'm ok because I don't want to upset or worry our 4 sons. But, I feel like I'm weakening to the point where I can't keep pretending anymore, and I end up crying in the bathroom or as soon as I lie down in bed at night just to let some of it out.
    Now, though, I'm determined to get out of this hole. I'm so very hopeful that my husband and I will come out of it together, but only time will tell. Either way, though, it has to happen.

    I'm sorry for the long ramble. It feels good to get some of this out, and although there is much more to the story, that's good enough for now.

    h4h

    Signature

    Recovery doesn't happen for people who need it. It happens for people who want it.

    Addiction denied is recovery delayed.

    Nothing changes if nothing changes.
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