Forthright

It has been a long journey in P land. The beginnings were modest. Lingerie section of the Sears catalogue.. fashion show and music videos on TV. Then, our family was early adopters of the internet. Very soon, I was on 56kbps P. Then high speed. As speeds got faster, the depth of the addiction deepened. I mean deep. Very low and shameful places.

Hours per day. Days per month. Weeks per year. GONE

I'm now 37. I've been a grown ass adult for a while now. I have a boy growing until his formative years. I have a wife that I'm ignoring sexually.

I recently came to a few conclusions on my life.
1. I recently got into exercising, and it's amazing. I have goals to run an ultramarathon. Turns out I'm good at running. I was too busy distracted with myself in my 20's to explore that. Regret.
2. My P habit is a problem. It's an addiction. I need to face that. I always thought I could control it. Keeping it enough under wraps so as to keep a relationship. I am SO wrong. I recently thought about the fact that I would rather PMO than have sex with my wife. That's unsettling. That's a problem that needs fixing.
3. I enjoy cross dressing. This was around before porn. I feel that this is part of my identity. I am of the feeling that gender identity and sexual identity are spectrums. I happen to be comfortable as a man. I get turned on by women. I get turned on putting sexy ladies clothes on. I get turned on by the clothes themselves. All weird but true. I don't get turned on by men.

My journey is to go Nofap for a more fulfilling life. No holding back anymore from my best life. It's ok to be me. I'm not ashamed.