Fresh Start 12

Anyway thanks. I don’t like how I have to break up these messages into only 420 characters instead of one long one. Maybe there’s a better way I don’t know of since I’m new here. But thanks and I’d be interested to hear your current status of how things are working out for you.

my wife won’t let up on what she wants from me and I don’t think I can let go of some of the things she asks. Maybe I’m stubborn, but I want to live my life without being told what to do like a kid. My parents were already strict on me and I feel like my wife is the same. Heck, I’ll be 51 in November and I feel like life is passing me by and I want to live life how I want. I was struck by similarities in our stories.

I don’t see my wife and I being compatible (she’s just stiff and strict & I’m free spirited) and when I think about the rest of my life with her it just makes me depressed and like my life will suck. Yeah, I f’d up, but at the same time, maybe it’s a wake up call for me to go get a new life. Since it’s already been a year and a half and I’ve tried lots of things to make things better, I don’t see a way forward.

But I got on here because my wife insisted. So I’m just researching to see how I feel about it all. We got help for the first year or so and did some counseling but not sure if it helped. She is stuck in her ways and all she wants is for me to stop everything. It feels like bondage and I wonder if I just should go back to my affair partner or find someone else.

There’s a lot to my story, but basically I don’t know if I want to fix the marriage.
I loved the women I had affairs with, still miss what I had with them and I don’t love my wife the same way. My wife also found out about me going to porn and masturbation and she’s really hurt. She wants me to get help and get clean. But I’m just not sure I want to, and I also don’t know I find porn or masturbation to be wrong.

I’m new here and came across your journal. I have a similar story and am curious how things panned out for you. It looks like you haven’t posted in a while so maybe you’re not on here anymore, but here goes.
I’m ambivalent toward my marriage. My wife found out about my affairs about 18 months and is angry as hell. We’ve been married for 19 years and have 3 kids.