Frisky Biscuit

For as long as I can remember, instant self gratification has been my escape from a hostile world, a warm security blanket that soothes my anxious disposition. And for that, I am grateful. But after much soul searching I have to come to realize I have outgrown this coping strategy and the ever increasing problems that accompany it (brain fog, emotional instability, attachment and connection issues, OCD, dissociation from reality and my body, physical damage from over exertion, isolation, periods of deep depression, and consequently worsening anxiety.)

I want to stop living my life behind this thick glass wall, unable to connect with others and taste the pleasures of life, as well as the pain. I want to feel again and escape this dimly-light prison of dull, soul numbing addiction. I will give anything to be free.

I am only at the beginning of my journey and it has already been both challenging and humbling. But it feels intuitively right, like I’m returning home. I have tried to quit many, many times and failed. I know the road will be long and hard, never-ending, and demand everything from me, but it’s all there is. This is the work. And I am willing.