hollinger
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Nov 8, 2019 at 8:37 PM
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Birthday:
Jan 26, 1998 (Age: 21)

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hollinger

Fapstronaut, Male, 21

Basically failed today, watched 1hour of porn and kept edging. Nov 8, 2019 at 8:40 PM

hollinger was last seen:
Nov 8, 2019 at 8:37 PM
    1. hollinger
      hollinger
      Basically failed today, watched 1hour of porn and kept edging.
      1. spaces and Dojokyoto like this.
      2. hollinger
        hollinger
        Meanwhile I've had at least 4-5 wet dreams and almost had sex yesterday
        Nov 8, 2019 at 8:41 PM
        spaces and Dojokyoto like this.
      3. hollinger
        hollinger
        The reason was just that I want the affection of a woman and there's no one and I don't know what to do
        Nov 8, 2019 at 8:42 PM
        spaces and Dojokyoto like this.
    2. hollinger
      hollinger
      I'm starting to slip a little, fapped again just to feel more fresh
      1. American.Psycho likes this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. hollinger
        hollinger
        Better to engage more, better sleep schedule and everything I know. Same with music, I don't feel like listening to it is making me more creative. Just free dopamine through that.
        Oct 26, 2019
      4. hollinger
        hollinger
        Overall the less you use screens for entertainment the better. Makes sense to use them for work and your responsibilities, but fun is better with other people.
        Oct 26, 2019
      5. American.Psycho
        American.Psycho
        After I quit my addiction to my consoles took cold showers mediated and fasted. I was legitimately able to see better. It took me a while to figure out how BS YT and social media was id use them to watch pointless videos like a mindless zombie.
        Oct 26, 2019
    3. hollinger
      hollinger
      Just fapping a little, no cum/no porn
      1. hollinger
        hollinger
        And writing here instantly took my boner away, so pointless.
        Oct 23, 2019
      2. hollinger
        hollinger
        Not a whining man anymore, but yeah could still say and control conversations more, but nah all good.
        Oct 23, 2019
    4. hollinger
      hollinger
      And I failed again, feel disgusted at myself
      1. View previous comments...
      2. hollinger
        hollinger
        I think however that nofap is one of the things that has pretty much cured my depression, but still I cant keep failing. I need to take the leap and also in front of my friends and other men flirt with girls the way I feel is good
        Oct 6, 2019
        HustleMan likes this.
      3. hollinger
        hollinger
        About 15 days this time, edging is dangerous, I feel I'm not open enough with people, open in the sense that saying what I actually mean no matter how ridiculous sounds. But nevertheless Ive improved amazingly within the last two months, stuff can only get better
        Oct 6, 2019
        IbrahimViking and HustleMan like this.
      4. hollinger
        hollinger
        Self-doubt is minimal and the need to prove myself as well, fuck I hope after this cum clarity wears off I won't be out of energy and with no emotions, probably won't. Still I need to pull some deal for myself to not fail that often, if I watch porn in October again, I'm disappointed - I'm actually pretty cool and it makes no sense to lose your self-esteem there when you could be banging girls aka making them happy
        Oct 6, 2019
    5. hollinger
      hollinger
      33-day NoFap streak ended
      1. Tiger uppercut!
        Tiger uppercut!
        33 days is awesome. Don’t binge
        Sep 20, 2019
      2. Deleted Account
        Deleted Account
        Great achievement. You can get everywhere if you keep constantly improving!
        Sep 21, 2019
    6. hollinger
      hollinger
      And 30-day nofap streak ended
      1. View previous comments...
      2. hollinger
        hollinger
        I could use a therapist with whom to be completely honest, cant talk your problems to parents, almost always mistake
        Aug 17, 2019
      3. hollinger
        hollinger
        You know its a mistake in the long run, yeah it is, fuck I want anastasija to add me, mby she my new friend
        Aug 17, 2019
      4. hollinger
        hollinger
        Life is fucked up if you dont follow your heart and instincts, stop self-sabitaging. I hate taking responsibility for my actions, but its deadly, fuck me,
        Aug 17, 2019
    7. hollinger
      hollinger
      "suffering leads to bitterness bitterness leads to resentfulness resentfulness leads to vengeance vengeance leads to the dark side"
      1. View previous comments...
      2. hollinger
        hollinger
        life is 90% what happens to you, 10% how you react. it makes sense to stop watching youtube, because there people are just telling you what to do and you need to do nothing, you don't even have to say anything back. my point is it's rather pointless, if you want real connections.
        Aug 15, 2019
      3. hollinger
        hollinger
        my most pointless NoFap story so far, but okay so be it, some things are better left unsaid.
        Aug 15, 2019
      4. hollinger
        hollinger
        i dont like myself, but i accept myself the way i am, so the point is not to become perfect, but imperfectly satisfied with your own being, so you're fun to be around and give cool vibes, yes i'm that guy soon.
        Aug 15, 2019
    8. hollinger
      hollinger
      You don't have to prove anyone anything.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. hollinger
      3. hollinger
        hollinger
        BPD lens is causing you to see others and yourself in a more negative self-destructive way, and makes you go to maladaptive behaviours, stuff that you shouldnt normally do, like be alone when want to share and so on, it's a form of self-punishment. BPD also is characterized by obsessive thoughts about simple things, some thoughts that you just keep having daily and cant get rid of.
        Aug 8, 2019
      4. hollinger
        hollinger
        Aug 8, 2019
    9. hollinger
      hollinger
      I've been able to do things I never thought I would be able to do...
      1. hollinger
        hollinger
        Being able to achieve when most people just throw in the towel at the first sign of adversity."
        Aug 7, 2019
      2. hollinger
        hollinger
        On that note watched 15 minutes of porn, but that's it, just for the curiosity.
        Aug 7, 2019
    10. hollinger
      hollinger
      I hate so much when I please people, it's unbelievable.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. hollinger
        hollinger
        Once again sometimes less is more, if you understand persons silence, you might understand his words. Another thing is that most people are incredibly stupid and far from the level of self-awareness and understanding like this group here, so they don't realize they go angry because of their own insecurities. Such people is okay to dominate and take money from, if they're not willing to learn.
        Aug 4, 2019
      3. hollinger
        hollinger
        Not like dominate in a bad way, but not let their energy ruin yours and actually winning someone, humiliating in that sense feels good. 5-second rule.
        Aug 4, 2019
      4. hollinger
        hollinger
        "If you don't try you might as well be a bad person" Jordan Peterson. Yeah I think I would be super-comfortable and trying to rely on others rather than taking on my decisions....but I still try.
        Aug 4, 2019
    11. hollinger
      hollinger
      9-day long porn streak ended today. Weird how all the pictures seem ugly at first, but over time you get used to it.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. hollinger
        hollinger
        or i try my best in just being me, it's not that easy, but worth to try, trusting yourself in what you say and do, but still doing it with seeming confidence, we're all here for same reason anyways, just talk to strangers, develop kindness and do whatever you want.
        Jul 30, 2019
        cBettyford likes this.
      3. hollinger
        hollinger
        just ended my long conversation with parents, i did not block too many thoughts, but still some, and left unsaid certain things, i hate those theoretical moralizing advices, that everyone knows anyway, just say what's on your mind and fuck political correctness. political correctness is for pussies, in order to think you must take the risk of being offensive.
        Jul 30, 2019
      4. hollinger
        hollinger
        today in bus I was really mad, that why people are not open and why i did not talk to one beautiful stranger, but change becomes with you, so I should make that change first. long story short, fear sucks. and when you understand and feel you dont do something because of fear, you should do it immediately, sometimes its difficult to differentiate: is it fear or you just dont want.
        Jul 30, 2019
    12. hollinger
      hollinger
      And 14-day streak this time, failed completely on purpose, wont even bother getting mad
      1. View previous comments...
      2. Sir Minato
        Sir Minato
        Don't be so hard on yourself. This thing is a process. When really ugly things happen and we don't have the proper tools to find a fitting regulation for our emotion, it is just natural to do what we have always done to deal with it. When I broke up with my ex and she kept shittalking me I relapsed intentionally, too. Because it hurt me so much and I just wanted to feel good.
        Jul 17, 2019
        hollinger and MrBean like this.
      3. Sir Minato
        Sir Minato
        It's okay. I then figured out that I want to stop cause it is not fitting for my heart, and then I stopped. " If she is shit and relapsing and trying to hurt me with other guys, THEN I WILL HURT HER BACK AND WATCH SOME BITCHES THAT ARE WAY BETTER THAN HER"
        You may have a belief in you that if life is a bitch towards you, you be a bitch back; but also paired with the desperate longing to feel better.
        Jul 17, 2019
        MrBean likes this.
      4. Sir Minato
        Sir Minato
        I figured out I had that believe that I just quoted before and I had to accept it and change it, replace it with something that serves me. Because I am not hurting her with it, only myself.

        Try to think of a way to deal with it next time. Some proper way that is strong. Visualise it. Feel it. And then move on
        Jul 17, 2019
        MrBean likes this.
    13. hollinger
      hollinger
      I haven't been here for a long, guess that's a good thing. Emotionally little unstable, but otherwise good. NoFap day 8.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. hollinger
        hollinger
        Jul 12, 2019
      3. hollinger
        hollinger
        And I basically relapsed, watched 2- hours porn and cummed a little, then finished. Anyways, I don't feel mad, it was a mistake on purpose, guess I wanted it. But now at least 1 week nothing again.
        Jul 13, 2019
      4. hollinger
        hollinger
        Goal is still to improve my life with it and watching it is literally saying you're not capable of real intimacy. I'm going to do 30 days.
        Jul 13, 2019
    14. hollinger
      hollinger
      And I relapsed after 16 day-streak,unbelievable I fucking hate myself. Already feel so much less energy, wtf, I know it all,why do I do it.
      1. spaces and Loving Loveless like this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. hollinger
        hollinger
        If you speak up, speak up with confidence. Important rule
        Jul 3, 2019
        spaces and A leaf like this.
      4. hollinger
        Jul 3, 2019
        spaces likes this.
      5. A leaf
        A leaf
        Hey man. I just want you to know that I'm reading your posts... and you have soo much potential. The anger you are feeling is really aimed at no one. Be calm and understand, that there is no doubt you are going to beat this thing. Peace!
        Jul 3, 2019
        Deleted Account, hollinger and spaces like this.
    15. hollinger
      hollinger
      I'm about to relapse, any quick motivation dear friends?
      1. View previous comments...
      2. hollinger
        hollinger
        I'm far from stable, I want to be open to people and say fuck fear, allow myself to be angry and speak my mind, not doubt every step of the way. I guess it just takes practice.
        Jun 27, 2019
      3. ConquerorNF
        ConquerorNF
        It is better to deal with our issues instead of fapping them away! Good luck
        Jun 27, 2019
      4. hollinger
        hollinger
        and now Ive spent last few hours numbing myself in front of computer (no porn, other escapes, even overthinking is one) and understand how right I was, its good to have feelings, even negative ones for starters: https://jodymoore.com/numbing-happiness/
        Jun 27, 2019
        ConquerorNF likes this.
    16. hollinger
    17. hollinger
      hollinger
      And I failed again,felt empty inside after a long day of socializing and decided to watch just a little,ended up as a 3-hour long marathon.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. hollinger
        hollinger
        Uncertainty is a powerful, often painful, but necessary teacher. When we buy into the misunderstanding that our peace of mind comes from knowing the answer or figuring out the solution to a problem, we suffer from over-thinking and obsessing.
        Jun 17, 2019
        Deleted Account likes this.
      3. Deleted Account
        Deleted Account
        nice. The problem with us guys is we are fixers and think we need to have all the answers. When we give up this notion and admit we don't know, we open the door to learning the answers.
        Jun 17, 2019
        hollinger likes this.
      4. Deleted Account
        Deleted Account
        I definitely think way too much but at the same time I don't think (pun) that I am thinking effectively. I didn't get a chance to check out the blog. I may check it out later but I appreciate your desire and hunger to transform into the butterfly you are becoming. A manly butterfly ;)
        Jun 17, 2019
        hollinger likes this.
    18. hollinger
      hollinger
      Doing good, day 4 and confident to go farther this time.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. hollinger
        hollinger
        It also supplies me with a virtual "family"...and when you're lonely and don't have any friends, it becomes all too easy to sit on your phone or computer for hours on end.
        Jun 12, 2019
      3. hollinger
        hollinger
        When I'm done, I don't feel happy, satisfied or fulfilled. I know I've wasted my time, and I hate myself for it. So while you've addressed some of these things and are right to some degree, I wanted to say that for me personally, "happiness" isn't why I'm addicted to the internet. I just want to forget who I am.
        Jun 12, 2019
      4. hollinger
        hollinger
        Jun 12, 2019
    19. IGY
      IGY
      Btw @hollinger, if you go to the Reboot Logs forum, you can start a thread in the early twenties section and keep posting there as a journal. :)
      1. hollinger
        hollinger
        I was just mad at myself at the time and seeked for some extra motivation, I'll think about the forum.
        Jun 7, 2019
    20. hollinger
      hollinger
      And relapsed today after 9-day long streak, but only edged and watched porn, did not cum, so grateful for that.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. hollinger
        hollinger
        I think before comes loneliness, then addiction to porn or any other kind, so main thing is to just be connected to people.
        Jun 7, 2019
        spaces likes this.
      3. hollinger
      4. hollinger
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    Gender:
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    Birthday:
    Jan 26, 1998 (Age: 21)

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    Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.