18 relapses in 195 days
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I fucked up... 4 relapses in a week. I feel like my focus went down the drain when I stopped working out. Ironically I also got with a girl, but that only managed to throw me off balance.
After yesterday, the urges to watch a little bit will increase for a while. I'm focused for now. Not falling for this shit.
I couldnt resist peeking. Managed to stop at that. But it was still around 20 minutes... Too long. Looks like I can manage around 9 days with 0% exposition, lets see if I can match that twice.
It keeps digging my head. I dont remember the last time I resisted so hard to an urge to watch something. Usually I would just stop myself from MOing.
However this is also the cleanest streak in a while. 9 days no PMO.
Its just stupid that now my urges aren't even a unstoppable force that is screaming and controlling me, they're like just annoying voices that say thing like "hey man, remember that scene that we like? I really want to see that again, come on, just a peek wont hurt"
Urges after waking up... Masking it with other contents and screentime doesnt really work, I feel like trying to fill a giant cup with a weak stream
Ive kinda become more honest with myself, "I wont risk turning the laptop now, it will be too hard to resist" crosses my mind
Managed to 3 days no PMO, initial breakthrough of chaser. I feel empty to be honest. But I'm not going back
Lower the stimuli... dont drift... dont search... no computer... no emotions... endure the boredom... endure... chaser will pass
Relapse after 24 days no PMO... I have to be the guy has the most failures after long streaks. It just seems so stupid that I can't keep up. There has to be a stupid fall somewhere
Around 18 days no PMO. Its just stupid, I just have to avoid screens until I feel a little bit more confortable... I keep thinking when I'm about to browse for some P, that if I do, my life is going to be waaaaaaay harder
Around +14 days no PMO, I'm starting to feel urges again. I think its stimuli, and over all feeling confused. I just have to remember that I can think for a little while.
+10 days of no PMO, I still don't feel safe from chaser. But I'm already so relieved. If I manage to get a +30 streak now, that 2 week period of relapse will be the only so far along the year
So, its been 8 relapses on 14 days. Bad, but not horrible situation. I figure I have to make some sacrifices. But I can do it. Prayer is still my main goal here. I don't care whatever happens to the addiction if I can have Jesus by my side
44 days relapse... Shit
I got sick, its a cold and my mind is all over the place. Wandered straight to P.
Still... I got better, I know I can deal with chaser now.
But shit.
It was so fast, so stupid.
Shit.
42 days no PMO... Sometimes is just so weird, I keep peeping at some P sometimes but both the habit and the realization that it is going to fuck me up is enough to pull myself out of it. But it feels hollow afterwards, like returning to an old home
In slipping with watching P. I managed to stop right now but it has exhausted my mind so hard
Sometimes I looked around the forum to see who was the most fucked up case that manager to get a turnaround. I feel like thats myself now, and what I have to say is: dudes, have faith, dont let it die even if it is painful.
34 days doing good. Had some shakeups by watching some P in the last few days, but its the minority now, I can manage to snap out of it after a couple of minutes. -
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