Lucca

Well, to keep it short. I'm a small town kid with a passion for art and music, and an unresolved issue. While I'm sure that I'm not supposed to write a book here, I think the important story to tell is how I got addicted to porn and fapping, just to help you understand my situation. The porn started essentially when I was about 11. My brother had a bunch of photography books, but he'd moved out, so I took them to my room in the basement. Why? Well, largely because of the fact that about every 15th page had some picture of a beautiful naked girl on it. And, I was a pretty lonely child. I thought "this is what normal kids do right? I wish I had a pretty girl with me." And it made me feel good to look at those pictures, even though in the back of my mind I knew what I was doing was wrong. I looked at the book starting once a week or so, then once a day after school. Pretty soon, I had the pages memorized. My parents wouldn't question it if they found the books in my room, they were photography books, right? It's art...oy. Anyway, when we moved to our next house I lost the books. But we still had a computer. And one day, I decided, for no apparent reason other than boredom, to look up porn on google. That's really when it started. I looked all day that day. Then all day the next day, watching carefully that my parents weren't looking. I discover fapping about a month later, my best friend told me to try it, and I still remember his words, "it's supposed to feel good, I hear." So we made porn a regular activity when he would spend the night or vise versa. My dad, bless him, let me have a computer in my room, without filters, so I could work on GarageBand. Biggest mistake ever. Infact, I think allowing kids any sort of unsupervisable web browser is a pretty big no no. But anyway, I was hooked. What began as a naive curriosity had festered into a cancerous, wound- worst when i was in eigth grade. since then, I have come along way,but I still get caught from time to time. In 10th grade, I really began to delve into my catholic faith - and my faith above all else has helped me slowly recover. I managed to get myself off of porn almost completely by senior year of highschool, and fapping slowly became a random occurance, which normally happened between 2 weeks and 2 months. The longest period I went without fapping was 5 months, but somehow I still managed to fall back into the trap.i have never had a stable relationship, and I can almost without a doubt blame my addiction. During the school year when routine is heavy, I fap much much less. But when summer comes, it somehow hits me, and I find myself once again sucked into the abyss of porn addiction. My hope is to eradicate this problem, and I've known for a long time the only way I can do it is with help. When one is sick, they find a doctor. I know that Jesus heals, but miracles are rare, and if he intended me to solve this problem between just me and him, I am faithful that it would have already been resolved. So that's my story in a nutshell. I have always considered myself a good person; but I want to be it throughout. I don't want to wear the mask of purity to hide my lust. I want to be a man, and channel my energy into something positive. I love God, I love my family and friends, and I think this best to help me to love them more. Thanks for reading if you did, pray for me often, as I will for you!

Current long streak - 20 Days