M

milkenjoyer

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  • M
    Update: I beat my best streak of 38 days. I achieved this because I started talking to a girl and started imagining a future with her. This past weekend she pulled back some and I then had an episode of insomnia that lead to 2 days with little sleep. The sleep deprived state, goal of beating my previous streak being achieved and feeling rejected lead to a relapse on day 42. Then I relapsed again a few days later.
    M
    Are there any examples of someone who's addiction is as bad as mine who has gotten better? I just binged for like 8 hours straight and went for the hardest stuff again including erp with strangers on the internet. It literally felt like I was possessed. This is the 20th time I've done this exact same thing. I'm really starting to lose hope I can barely make it a week.
    S
    Samsaeedi
    هر وقت که وسوسه شدید اون احساس پشیمانی که از تجربه های قبلی داشتید رو به خاطر بیارید کمک کننده است
    M
    My pattern when I go back to porn seems to be: Something happens that makes me not want to engage with reality and then I imagine myself looking at porn for the next couple hours which would allow me to escape. This can change my mental state from "I 100% do not want to look at porn at all" to "I should look at porn" in just a couple seconds
    M
    Hey coming back after a little while off. I ended up going on a few dates with that girl and we hit it off. We would text and ft most days and it helped me stay away from porn, though I did relapse a couple times (but not as bad) and it felt like I was making progress.
    M
    milkenjoyer
    About a month ago I ended up breaking things off with her because she was quite a bit older than me and I wasn't sure about continuing and I didn't want to waste her time (we were both dating to marry).
    M
    milkenjoyer
    Since then I've been struggling a ton with porn and my OCD has gotten a lot worse too. I can't sleep well at night and am barely keeping up with my one University class (tho I still have a good grade). I relapsed again tonight after a 3-4 day streak but something made me stop midway and I thought about coming back here to post an update. So basically still struggling.
    M
    Having a crush while trying to break this addiction is so difficult cause I know I can't ask her out until I get at least a bit better so everytime I relapse it feels like I'm choosing porn over her which just kills me inside.
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    M
    milkenjoyer
    I'm gonna allow myself to ask her on a date if I can break my previous streak of 38 days. My IG account which had a lot of triggering has been deleted and I'm also locked out of it so I can't recover it. That was the one I kept peeking at which caused this relapse so hopefully I can go longer this time.
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    Reactions: vxlccm
    BranchingOut
    BranchingOut
    Nah dont wait that long bro, wouldnt you rather try to make a connection with somebody in those 38 days? Then u would think about porn less. U have the right too to live a little
    BranchingOut
    BranchingOut
    And if anything u could keep urself open to love with other people too, dont put ur eggs in one basket as well
    M
    Is anyone online right now??
    vxlccm
    vxlccm
    Yeah, but there's not a great feed where status posts show up like an oldchatroom might. Hang in there. "Fail better"... which around here means even if you're going to fail, just cut down on the number of hours indulging. Stretch out the clean days. You're on the right track.
    M
    milkenjoyer
    Yeah I've overall been masturbating and looking at porn much less than I used to but conversely when I do relapse I've started going into more extreme genres and stuff to try to "get the most out of it" I think this is a common pattern in addiction but it makes me feel like I'm getting worse in some ways.
    vxlccm
    vxlccm
    It is a pattern that some of us have gotten into, tbh. You can improve on it. The brain doesn't really want the "real you" in control. Dumb bio machinery just wants excuses to get the dopamine hits. I like that you're seeing those things and can make a plan for becoming better :)
    M
    I made it 14 days but I just relapsed hard again for 6 hours. Does anyone elses addiction turn into them sex chatting and roleplaying with others. It's really disturbing me and it what I go back to every time I relapse I hate it so much I hate myself
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