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Nov 17, 2019 at 7:31 PM
Nov 1, 2018
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Oct 3, 1967 (Age: 52)

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Fapstronaut, Male, 52

4 months Jan 1, 2019

Myfortress was last seen:
Viewing thread My Secret History Untolded, Nov 17, 2019 at 7:31 PM
    1. Dev47b
      Hi. I am looking for AP
      1. Sammyforthewin likes this.
      2. Myfortress
        I am a rookie but I am happy to do it.
        Feb 27, 2019
        Dev47b and Sammyforthewin like this.
      3. Myfortress
        Want to use telegram? My name is the same there.
        Feb 27, 2019
        Sammyforthewin likes this.
    2. Myfortress
      4 months
      1. ArsenalAffliction
        Jan 9, 2019
        Myfortress likes this.
    3. What I Do That Defines Me
    4. idekbro
      How does this work?
      1. Myfortress
        I would suggest you read the nofap welcome booklet. Find a group to join where you can start posting or messaging people who are struggling with the same problem. I am a member of the Christian group. You are welcome to join that group. Or there is a student group.
        Dec 22, 2018
    5. Myfortress
      90 days and not looking back
    6. Myfortress
      60 days and counting
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  • About

    Oct 3, 1967 (Age: 52)
    Journal Thread Link:
    View my Journal
    I was an angry, bitter, selfish, know-it-all, womanizer who was hooked on pornography, for decades. I also used alcohol and drugs, sometimes in excess.

    Angry that everything did not go perfectly. Angry at the way my life turned out. I could not celebrate other people’s successes. I did not have any real friendships. I was secluded.

    I became very selfish, I was only concerned with myself and what others could do for me. I never thought of others.

    I did not listen when others tried to help me make good decisions. I did not listen when people were trying to give me good advice/constructive criticism. I took it all like criticism aimed at making me feel bad. This was how I criticized others, to make them feel bad. I did not understand that people who cared about me wanted to help me improve and not make the same mistakes they had. So I resisted the good advice and made some horrible decisions. I suffered the consequences, and learned that way, from the school of hard knocks. It is only by God’s grace that I did not die.

    I started looking at pornographic magazines from the age of about 7 yrs. old. As a teenager, I began masturbating. Before long I had a willing girlfriend. We had sex all of the time. There were two long term ones and several short term ones. There was a failed marriage and a son. After this divorce I was depressed for years.

    Then I found Christ and a new bride all at the same time. I realized one day, after I got married that I was trapped in a prison. A slave to my sin. I felt like I could never get out. I was being bombarded with images, movies and videos, live women that fueled a fantasy. I was letting my fantasy life rule my actions. There were all of these triggers that led me into the temptation. It could be an image, advertisement, sound… I had no self-control, no restraint. Pleasure was my god, my idol. This was a stronghold that I did not want God to destroy. I was being unfaithful to my husband, Christ. Cheating on God. Flirting with Christ, and grieving the Holy Spirit. I thought women existed to fulfill all of my fantasies. I got married and expected this from my wife. So the pornography and masturbation continued whenever she would not fulfill my selfish desire.

    I found hope in the one who invented sex, God. A personal relationship with him started me on the road out of bondage and on to freedom. The fantasy world that I created was a lie, created by the enemy that robbed me of healthy relationships with women and most importantly, God. With the help of God, and his unlimited grace, I am gradually re-programming my mind and breaking out of the prison I was in, not to mention the consequences that accompany it.

    I realize now that all of the symptoms above: bitterness, anger, shame, a critical spirit, hardheadedness, selfishness, and a lack of close friends were a byproduct of my decades of immorality. Since I came to Christ 17 years ago it has been an uphill battle to get my life back. It has been a long painful journey with Christ. I fell back into porn probably hundreds of times. Within the last couple of years my intimacy with Christ has improved significantly. I finally realized that the depth of his grace and forgiveness will never run out, no matter how many times I fall. The closer I got to Jesus the less I wanted the porn. The more I realized the effect on my personality, family and quality of life the less I want to go back. Now I am past the two month mark on abstaining and my goal is to never go back. Does that rule out a relapse, no but the more I draw near to the Lord the more I feel like I will not go back. I am looking forward to my next goal of enjoying my relationship with my savior and my wife!


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