oberon1214

Ok well here goes nothing.

Im a 22 year old male. Living in Toronto. Im an Artist Dancer/Singer. Been lucky to travel a few times doing what I love in musicals. But instead of seeing the city and making new friends. I find myself locked up in my hotel after a long day of rehearsal doing you know what!!
I been looking at porn since I was twelve years old.Growing up in a Pentecostal Church I knew that was a huge no no. If any one ever been to a Pentecostal Church knows what Im talking about, The jumping up and down, screaming Hallelujah and speaking in other tongues

I loved that stuff. Especially the music and all the hype. But I couldn't help but feel like a total hypocrite because I had this porn addiction. And it made me feel as if I was further and further from god the more I did it. But It wasn't like I could speak to anyone about it because I was so ashamed. I was watching GAY Porn. I always had the desire for men and seeing as I had no one to talk to about it. gay porn was sadly an outlet.

There is two strikes a big no no. Not only was I struggling with porn but also my accepting my sexuality and being in a Jamaican Family that's not easy.
wasnt till I went to college to study Art and met other gay people and realize they are normal people to, and rid myself of my personal homophobia that I truly accepted my self and come to realize that God loves me regardless of my sexuality. But I still to this day struggle with watching porn.

And I find having this problem has made it difficult to enjoy REAL sex. With a computer its all fake your wasting your time and energy to a screen. with a person (man or woman) there is emotions physical touch ect. First time I had real sex after not PMOing for a while. MY MIND WAS BLOWN! I tolled my self why waste my time on a computer, the real thing is so much better. But I feel into a hole of habit. And after doing reasearch on the affects of PMO long term,Depression ,Memory wreaking, self esteem, I cant afford to spend my life like that, I have so much that I wanna accomplish.

I coming to a point in my life where its time to let it go. the longest I been was about 20 days. I been on and off for about 3 years. Im at a Point in my career where lots of opportunity's are looming at my window. But I close the blinds and stay stuck in front of my computer. Im a young man, active. And I cant lie I love sex just as much as the next man, straight or gay. so Im hopping that filling my life with other habits will help and building a meaningful relationship with someone will also.

I know that having a community of people like my nofap brothers to check in with will definatly help

Time for me to grow up!

Music