PotatoModest

Hello All!

I am PotatoModest.

I am a teenager (18 years old) and a straight, white male.

I am and have been an avid gamer and otaku for most of my life.

This is my story. I warn you it's a little rambly but I want to get all my details out there and it's just how I roll. Feel free to skim.

I suffer from addiction to hentai since about the age of 10/11, not quite sure. In the last five or so years I also got into stronger stuff, catgirl hentai which spiraled into hentai of anthropomorphic female video game characters (i'd say furry porn since it's simpler but I feel like that is worse and that makes me sound worse than I am lol)

Before I started NoFap, I was in a pretty bad state. I thought there was something seriously wrong with me, but I had no idea what which was pretty horrifying. I was tired and sick feeling all the time, my brain was foggy, I didn't take care of myself, I was late to everything, incapable of time management, slept from like 6AM to 1PM, and worst of all: I couldn't focus to save my life. I thought I had like ADHD or ADD. Reading was almost impossible. I would always abandon projects mid way throughI was plagued by intrusive thoughts, sexual, violent, and sometimes even racist in nature. It really bothered me and ruined my ability to enjoy anything, as I am not a violent or racist person so I found it really upsetting. I contemplated suicide sometimes when it got really bad, but I was always too scared to do anything. Not to mention I dealt with a difficult home life most of my childhood on top of this internal struggle. God, it sounds so awful when I write it all down. I'm ok, please don't worry.

I moved from the big city I was born and raised in to a rural area a little over a year ago now and I have been pretty much a shut-in ever since. I have no social life (plus I have never been one for social media, so joining this website was a pretty big deal) and I am finishing up my high school education online. The only time I go out any more is to help my mother with grocery shopping, or to go on a 2hr hike near my house pretty much daily (which is a pretty good thing). I do not have my own car or license yet, there is no bus system, and I cannot reasonably walk anywhere from my home so I am sort of forced to be a shut-in. Though it's not like I was ever terribly social to begin with, probably due to my PMO addiction. I only mention this because I see it as a sort of difficult obstacle to improving myself.

I have been trying NoFap since October 2018. my best streak so far was a little over 2 months (62 days) this spring. I just relapsed again a few days ago after a 1 month streak, unfortunately. I fell into a much deeper depression after this reboot that I'm still coming out of. I realized I am getting tired of failing, and I am motivated to take this further and more seriously. But I realized that if I make it to three months starting now, it will be exactly one year since I started that I hit the glorious "90 day mark"! So this time, I'm pumped to do everything I can to stay in it long enough to fully reboot. I have to say though, after the 2 month streak I have officially rebooted to the point that I am only interested in normal human girl hentai, no more of the furry crap (which made me feel really disgusting and bad about myself, so I consider that a milestone! Plus, I can focus somewhat now and the intrusive thoughts are mostly gone. Though I occasionally suffer from some really bad episodes of anxiety/depression now, but I am not suicidal. Not one bit.

I have kept a Word document since I started that I periodically add to and update about my motivations, the things I've learned so far, and little tips and words of encouragement I can come back to when I struggle with an urge. It is somewhat helpful, but not enough on its own, which is most of the reason I'm here. I have been reading posts on the site since the beginning of my journey, but thanks to a post of NoFap tips I just read, I have decided to go all in make my account. I have heard about how connecting with others going through the same thing can be really helpful and I am eager to try it out.

I have also been focusing on adding more exercise and constrictive hobbies to my daily schedule, like intense running and ab exercises (I figured they are easy to add in and developing a 6 pack would be a big morale booster! , and I have been reading the classic novels which is a longtime goal for me, plus beginning to teach myself about computer programming and engineering (I have big dreams for the future, and want to be a scientist/engineer someday) And earlier today, I even started drafting a story idea that has been floating around in my head for a long time now.

Well, that's pretty much my story. That felt pretty good to write. I feel a little more positive now, like I can look at where I've been and where I'm going a little more subjectively now. Hopefully reading my story may help you as well. I'm looking forward to my time on this site with all my fellow fapstronauts. I think it will be really good for me.

Hopefully this will be the streak where I hit 90.

PotatoModest, signing out.