rugged iconoclast

I've been in s-recovery for longer than i care to disclose yet my actual behavior has not changed much in spite of the fact that my addiction has negatively effected my work, my relationships and overall quality of life. i haven't hit a bottom that would force me to change (and that bottom keeps moving downward). i still have my health and the basic trappings of a life. people whom i love and respect and who love and respect me. i'm a single gay dude who rationalizes that the lifestyle gives me permission to watch porn, frequent adult bookstores and glory holes and do all of this because i'm not really accountable to anyone. all the while i'm hoping and dreaming for something better... i'm trying nofap with the intention of engaging a little more rigorously with reality. and there seems to be a lot of that on here! my hats off to all the folks here with 90 days plus! it's extremely heartening reading about you guys.